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All of these were said by me at some point in public, RP, or a combination of the two.

"I didn't shoot him. Honest. He ran in the way of my bullet."

"Hey, that spider was ASKING FOR IT."

"BLOW IT UP! BLOW IT UP!"

"So, let me get this straight... Nuns have sexual flavors? Oh! None here give sexual favors. Oh. I see. I like my idea better."

"There's this butterfly. The butterfly crashes into the visor of a motorcyclist's helmet. The smuge causes the motorcyclist to veer out of control and smash into a power line. The hit causes the power line to surge to the plant. The plant short circuits and explodes. The polititans think it a terriorist attack and start a neuslear war with everyone else. Then cockroaches become the dominant life form."

"My cell phone can warp the Space-Time Continuum!"

"I saw this mime put himself into an invisible box once. Unfortunately, he forgot air holes or a door."

"We all know it's a bad say when we see the undead riding on magical, four-foot-tall bugs."


"What would happen if the Amish tried to put the world into retribution?"

"Iron-plated boots. I want some. It'd be hard to walk, but people could look at me and say, 'My GOD, he's got metal shoes!'"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and two makes him stay back, but three, oh three goes quite astray, as three apples brings him back."

"So then there's a lawyer in a briefcase holding a suit."

"I think I could throw this pear through that fence... Ho! It went through! Ha!"

"Was it red-red green? Or red-green-red?"
"..." *BOOM*
"It was red-green-red."

"Ah, yes, Nebraska. Population: one man and thousands of corn. That one man takes care of all the jobs in the state, and when he dies, another will be born from the corn."

"Atlantic George with his spork for a right hand!"

"So, if you were to, I don't know, throw something explosive down there, It would be carried off in the sewer before it explodes in some public place, and police could never find out that you planted it..."

"It's a potable portable potable part of a portable potable breakfast"

"It's like the sphinx came alive and started teaching..."

"Spider elemental? Does that mean that spiders are on the Periodic table of the Elements?"

"Note to self: never give a dragon a laxative."

"Light forsake it, man! I am not undead! Do I LOOK undead to you??! Do I even look DEAD?! For the light, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!"

"So, We've made plans for an electric fence with spikes that will come down on top of you like a drawbridge if you step under it, and if you climb it, it'll trap you in a Venus Flytrap-kinda way where you get crushed between chain link fences."

"Oh, no, this isn't the homework. This is just my Theory of Magic."

"No, I don't think that he could ever fall in love with his Pokemon. I mean, I've already filled that role. Gardevoir and I are scheduled to have our wedding ceremony in June."

"Santa's a badass. I mean, who else can pull a B&E into EVERY FRIGGIN' HOUSE IN THE WORLD IN A SINGLE NIGHT!?"

"No, no, just keep getting mauled just a bit longer. I'm almost done sketching his claws."

"Ah, yes. I fell for her. Or, on her a few times."

"Show me a match and I'll show you if you're flammable or not."