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I sometimes wonder if there ever is a time I'm not down or depressed.

I don't really like to talk about it. Maybe because I get more depressed, or partly because I don't like to make others feel depressed to.

I haven't heard from my boyfriend in over a year now. It's my fault really, but I'd rather not go into detail. Anyway, I hope by now he's found him someone else...at least he can be happy. He's been such a great guy really, and I've been such a lousy girlfriend.

Speaking of that, I really get annoyed when people talk bad about him, people who've never even met him! ./ You can't tell me how horrible a person he is if you've never met the guy! Noboby but me seems to be worried about what he has to do, or how hard life is for him.

I still live at home with my mom, grandmother, and older brother. Rent's fairly cheap, but food tends to be scarce. We're not allowed to cook anything unless it is for everyone, so dinner's the only meal we're allowed to cook. Meaning, we're SOL when it comes to breakfast and lunch. Course, that wouldn't be so horrible if we regularly had bread and sandwich meat....

Blah, anyway, back to what I was saying. My boyfriend has been too good to me, but I really haven't done anything for him. That's why I have to make it my prority to find him. Not to ask to be his girlfriend or anything, but to appologize. I really hope he's doing okay.

Also, I'm trying to find out who I am. I recently came to the realization that, for the most part, I don't love myself. I hate myself mostly. So I need to figure out who I am and who I want to be. I guess that's the first step.

Good luck to me! May God guide me on my journey.