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Well, as one may see from the link in my sig, Aumy and I have a charity ball going. It's not going too well. We've both got busy schedules and she isn't online much, so we couldn't stretch out the days through which it lasts. It ends tomorrow and we've only got like 12 pages ... nobody's really entering the contests and it's disheartening.

When I'm on Gaia, I put all of my heart and soul into helping my questors. I want to keep my Branch alive because I feel like I'm doing something good. I have a busier job than most Gaians. Heck, I have a job, unlike most Gaians.

My charity isn't an ordinary one where we just dispense gold to people who apply. We help them through their quest as much as we can, and it takes a toll on me. sad

It makes me wonder why I do this kind of charity, why I don't just shut down the Branch and start a new one where I just hand out donations and be like everyone else. Why can't I be a big, well-known charity with lots of supporters and people who donate huge amounts?

Instead, I'm stuck pouring my own time and gold in. The few people I have that really help me are loyal friends for which I am very grateful.

But... Okay, let's get specific. I'm jealous in this not-hostile way of Adramelec. She's one of the owners of an affy charity of mine, the Dreaming Away Charity. She's rich, has lots of neat stuff, and has lots of friends. What is she doing that I'm not? Or what is she not doing that I am? Why are things going right for her? Why does she have such success?

I mean, this is Gaia and it's only a game. I would never strive for such fame in real life. But I want to do so in a game so that I feel in real life that I've helped some people out whom I barely know, but that they're thankful for me. I feel that way sometimes. Sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I just wish I weren't so dedicated.

I wish I were more like Adra. I wish I were confident enough to have her tell me just what to do. I don't know anymore... cry