~Thu Jan 17, 2008
I'm just so sick of this.
There's always someone new, always someone else who needs my help.
There's always someone who needs my attention and love.
And there's never enough to go around...
~Sat Jan 19th, 2008
I'm getting a bit worried.
It's getting harder and harder for me to control my anger.
It's never really been much of a problem up until now.
But now, I feel myself ready to hit anything almost at a moment's notice.
Even the smallest irritation threatens to throw me into a rage, and I've never been good at controlling myself once I get like that.
I've almost considered therapy.
I've got so many emotions that I can't express or get over, it's beginning to manifest itself as rage.
-sigh-
Sat Jan 19th, 2008~
I'm really hating this.
Every time I tell someone how screwed up my emotions are, I just bring them down and depress them. I'm no good to anyone when I get like this, and I can never cheer up.
I may act cheerful on the outside, but I'm always dying on the inside from this.
There's always something new that complicates things.
I'm just so damn tired of everything.
Sun Jan 19th, 2008~
Thoughts of suicide were beginning to appear last night.
I've never thought that suicide would ever be an answer, and I still know that it wouldn't solve a damn thing.
But this just feels so damn helpless.
If it wasn't for my promises to Angel and Siki...
Iono how long I could keep this up.
Without those two, I'd be lost.
Tue Jan 19th, 2008]
I know what my short term solution is now.
I'm at a point where I just can't handle love right now.
An intimate friendship I can handle.
But right now the ability to give someone my love is painfully out of reach.
I'm taking some time to step back and let things be normal for a while, some time for me to just relax and take a break.
I haven't been doing this long, but I'm already feeling a bit better.
Nothing drastic, but I haven't been dwelling on anything except the large amounts of homework I've been putting off. (XD)
When a promise is all I have, I need to get a firm grasp on my life, to see if I can get more to live for.
<3
I know what my short term solution is now.
I'm at a point where I just can't handle love right now.
An intimate friendship I can handle.
But right now the ability to give someone my love is painfully out of reach.
I'm taking some time to step back and let things be normal for a while, some time for me to just relax and take a break.
I haven't been doing this long, but I'm already feeling a bit better.
Nothing drastic, but I haven't been dwelling on anything except the large amounts of homework I've been putting off. (XD)
When a promise is all I have, I need to get a firm grasp on my life, to see if I can get more to live for.
<3
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