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i wrote this one loooong before Moonlit's tribute, just never posted it up. i just read it and laffed my butt of. its so cracky!! xP;

okay, if you're ever planning to play FFV, then i have to tell you that this story's got spoilers in it. tons of them. if not, then plz read and enjoy. you wont be sorry!

an explanation of the things before i begin:

Bartz: hero. male. kind hearted but dumb in the head. really.
Lenna: princess. female. kind of spoiled but strong hearted.
Faris: Lenna's missing sister. grew up as a pirate and is now captian.
Galuf: man of jokes. love this guy to death. he's the most interesting character...aside from Faris. very light hearted guy.
Krile: Galuf granddaughter who joins you in her grandfather's place after he leaves.
Ex-Death: main badguy. evil (duh). very powerful.

also, i should tell you that the blue mage job allows you to learn enemy abilities...only if they hit you with them first.
Gladiator allows you to equip any weapon.
as Freelancers, you can equip any ability from any job that you already mastered.
Bersekers are wild on the field and uncontrollable. they attack enemies without stopping.
Dragoons use lances and can use the jump ability to do double damage.
i hope that the rest of the classes are self-explanatory. =3

The Rift: the final dungeon.
Walse: the castle guarding the water crystal. i never got to the treasure in the basement, so you can see where Faris's obsession with it fomes from...=P

now on to the fic!!!

Jobs

When they got the first crystal, Faris was thrilled. She immediately got attached to the Thief job. Her only regret is that there wasn’t a pirate job to suit her, but she knew she didn’t really need it—she was a pirate herself after all. A captian. Yeah, life was pretty good for her at this point.

Lenna, on the other hand, simply complained about how there were no jobs befitting her status, and Faris wound up stuffing her in a White Mage outfit.

Galuf was as giddy as a schoolgirl about it, and he enthusiastically donned the Black Mage garb.

Bartz thought that Blue Magic was the best thing after sliced bread (the man loved his food too much), and was the first one to get into his role.

---

When the second series of jobs where at hand, Faris wasn’t thrilled at all. There were no agility jobs! She decided it was best to take a leaf out of Lenna’s book and become a White Mage.

Lenna was still complaining about the jobs, so Faris chose a random one and stuffed her in it. Lenna wound up being a Monk. She complained and complained, but Faris shut her up with “you hated defense, try offense.” It worked.

Galuf was still as giddy as a schoolgirl and decided that IT WAS ALL ABOUT MAGIC BABY and stuffed himself into Red Mage without a single moment of thought. Faris laughed.

Bartz was thoroughly disgusted with the Blue Mage because he didn’t learn a single skill no matter how hard he tried to get hit. Poor man seemed to be so very unlucky—enemies left and right refused to hit him (but really, Faris thought that he was lucky in that aspect). Faris recommended he try going thief to remedy that, but Bartz, being a kind idiot who respected his elders, simply complied with Galuf’s unspoken whishes and became a Summoner. He got a feel to it, and after gaining the ability to summon Shiva and thoroughly abusing it (they wasted so many tents for him to recover), Bartz changed his mind and enthusiastically thought that summoning was the next best thing since sliced bread. Galuf was so very proud.

---

The third crystal’s jobs came with heavy hearts, but Faris was nonetheless very, very thrilled. She immediately became a Ninja. Yes, this power and agility deal was doing her wonders.

Lenna simply loved the front row by now, but she decided that the Geomancer ability was just too quirky to ignore.

Galuf decided that being a Red Mage was too much work and that he didn’t like White magic too much. But since there were no new magic jobs, he decided to take the Knight ability out for a spin.

Bartz decided that he had enough of summoning, and took on the Ranger job. At first, he missed his magic, but when he found that he can call random animals onto the battlefield, the Ranger job became the next best thing after sliced bread. Faris started to wonder why sliced bread was so important to the man. After all, tearing the bread apart with your hands was much more satisfying…

---

By the time the fourth crystal came around, the whole group had already tried all of the other jobs at one point or the other. Except Berserk. No one wanted to be a mindless maniac on the battlefield.

Faris practically squealed with delight (but she didn’t. She was a captain of a pirate ship and had a reputation to uphold) when she saw the Samurai job. She allowed herself the luxury to ogle it before she put it on.

Lenna decided that she finally found a job worthy of her and donned the Dancer outfit. Bartz, happily ogling the girl, couldn’t agree more. Galuf laughed while Faris rolled her eyes at this.

Galuf discovered that he had a fetish for BIG SHARP POINTY OBJECTS. So he naturally was a happy maniac with the Dragoon job.

Bartz took the only job left—the Chemist. It was clear that he didn’t like it because, after the first few battles, he ran back to his refuge of being a Summoner. He stated that Summoning and Time magic where definitely his boat. Fairs laughed at this analogy—Bratz was no good with boats; if he was in one right now, then he was most probably up to his knees in water.

---

When Krile joined the party, she silently took up the Summoner and Black Mage jobs until she mastered them. She waited until she had surpassed her grandfather’s skills before she joined them as Freelancers.

Freelancers. Bartz decided that, after gaining plenty of abilities, the Freelancer job was the very best thing since sliced bread. Faris disagreed and said that it was better than sliced bread. Bartz argued that without sliced bread, everyone’d go hungry. Faris countered with that there was no need to slice the bread when you could tear it apart with your hands. Faris won.

---

Just when Faris was sure they were never going to see the remaining shards of the crystals that had managed to sink themselves underwater, lo and behold, Bartz had guided the group right to them. With an almost silent and unanimous agreement, they all donned the Gladiator job. Bartz tired to complain, but Faris smacked him on the head and he shut up.

After that, they unanimously agreed to take on the Cannoneer job. When they evaluated the job, Bartz didn’t have an opinion, Lenna thought it wasn’t too great, Krile said it was too hard of work, and Faris simply adored it. Something about firing a cannon right into an enemy reminded her of her pirate ship…

---

Following a rumor, Bartz managed to find what they believed was the final crystal shard and the final job with it: the Mime. Holding their breaths, they delved into the sunken tower and chased that shard down. But then, the Famed Mimic Gogo ‘attacked.’

Faris could have died right there from embarrassment. She had fought zombies, dragons, resurrected dinosaurs, Ex-Death himself, even man-eating squirrels for that matter, but this was…ridiculous. The idiot didn’t even DO anything. When Lenna had cast Curaga to heal the beaten up party (you don’t chase a crystal down five stories while holding your breath without getting beat up. No one was that good) and the freak had casted Meteor on them, effectively killing Lenna and Krile. They had to revive them with items. And after that, they just stood there, watching the stupid Mimic, while their life was ticking away.

Needless to say, she was more than happy when they got the job and Bartz casted Teleport.

Then trying out the job came next.

Goodness.

Everyone complained without an end.

But not Faris.

No, Faris knew better. This was the greatest job since Samurai. The possibilities were endless. They didn’t even need to learn abilities anymore. They just needed to mimic it right off of each other….to mimic Bahamut was a call of destruction all by itself. They would make Ex-Death cry before the fight was over…beautiful.

---

Right after exiting the Rift, Bartz hear a rumor about yet another job trapped underneath the waves. Lenna and Krile were more than enthusiastic about going after it. Faris agreed—as long as there was no Mimic named Gogo involved.

Bartz just gave her a look as though she was crazy.

Maybe she was.

Maybe she wasn’t.

But she knew the first thing she was going to do when she got back to her pirate crew was raid Walse Castle. She very much wanted to know about that wonderful treasure in the basement…

THE END------------

really, i laff so hard every time i re-read this. x3
tell me hjow you like it, ne? xD;