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Kyomi's Journal of stuff Read about me!! YAY!!...although...i might not be so interesting heh..heh


Kyomi
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Clearly I have some explaining to do...
((Well there’s just so much I have to respond to im just going to make little tid-bit notes off the actual comment so there is no mis-quotation))

"Alrighty-- well, there were so many things wrong with that post that I don't even know where to begin.


First off, Tracey ( for I no longer feel the obligation to call you 'Kyomi' ) you are more of a moron then I ever assumed if you believe that me and Josie were ever 'dating'-- I don't know who your 'informant' for that matter is, but, whoever they are they are sorely mistaken, and mislead; and you are perhaps more at fault for believing such a hideous, shudder-worthy rumor. We are close, but not that close, kid. ((Well incase you are just as much of a 'moron as I am here’s a little tidbit... Rolling around and 'kissing and touching' on ones bed is usually referred to as consensual flirting... meaning you both knew what the other felt... you were both doing it and apparently you've don’t it more than once according to what Josie had told me. That is what told me you two were dating...also known as going out...also described as "two people sharing the same feelings for each other" and unless Josie was Lying to me than I don’t know why you'd say it was such a revolting thought))

Also, it's a little too late to 'be through' with me. I'm waaaaay gone, chicky. You are as 'through' with me as you ever could be. In fact, reading this, it makes me almost sick to my stomach with.. oh, what's that word? Ah, yes-- disgust. I am disgusted by you and your pathetic ramble Tracey. Or rather, I have been steadily sliding away from you and your childish, infuriating self; you are not eight years old-- stop acting like it. Everyone has 'crushy's', you're not the only one who gets rejected and jealous, so get the hell over your self-pity and stop drooling over your friends. ((First of all, I don’t even know WHY you hate me so much... before all this s**t hit the fan you wouldn't even talk to me... you called me a c**t and a b***h and I don’t even know what I did! oh and don’t bother with the ' I never called you a c**t! I was referring to a girl that bumped me!" cuz yeah...as if I haven’t heard that before! Oh and as for you being disgusted with me? You're really going to have to define as to why... because other that the fact that you just wanted to insult me( a pathetic attempt I might add)... I see no reason for that statement...forgive me for wanting to express my feelings by typing in a journal" wink )

Thirdly, I never once 'tested' my sexuality on you. I, at one, far, distant and foolish point in my life, had legitimate affections towards you. I am ashamed when I look back one those months. I only once tested those feelings, if you can get it through your thick head to recall--- It was on my front porch, late, summer, nice weather? You with me so far?((actually it was night time and it just finished raining. just thought I’d add)) Yes? Good. I confessed I liked you more than a friend, which you then responded with the typical line of 'I don't want to ruin our friendship, I value you too much to risk it'.(( I have to interrupt and add this point... I NEVER REJECTED YOU!!! For the hell of it I Still liked you even when you had that boyfriend in Norway! I wrote you a ******** letter but I chickened out because I felt ..well to be honest... I felt scared okay? Forgive me! I’m such a horrible person! oh and to clarify when I wrote the letter... it was after the trip to your cottage... I knew you were mad so I felt I had to explain... I even still have the letter if you want to read it ( highly doubt you will since your so foolhardy that giving someone a chance is forbidden to you) )) Isn't that so wonderfully cliché of you, Tracey? You're probably thinking, "No, Kiera, I'm not cliché", though the correct answer would be a nearly screamed "yes".((( Look who’s talking?)) Funny isn't it? How something can happen and one will choose to remember it as completely different? Yes, indeed, it's amusing how one's mind can play tricks to make another seem... in the wrong. Oh, don't worry, Tracey, you're not in the wrong, of course, it's alllll me. It only seems right, don't you agree? (( So your implying its all my fault... well sure... I'm Mature enough to take the blame for things I’ve done, unlike you who tend to push the blame off on others, namely me.... I’m so sorry I never knew it was 'wrong' to 'reject' you...))

I'm pretty sure you've never once experienced love for one who is not related to you, kid.((And you would know how? Learn to say the facts Kira... you've never once known how I felt about anything so theres nothing to backup your statement there, and if theres anyone that doesnt know anything about love here its you...)) Ever. Sure, I'm not saying you've never 'liked' someone, but love them? I don't think so. Hell, I'd bet my life on it. As to you being a 'pansy'? I don't have the proper words to describe how much I agree with that statement. ((Sure, I never knew it was illegal to be afraid of getting hurt))

"Emotions suck!" Wow, no kidding. Perhaps you do have some raging emotions going on, kid, but, really, get a grip. So you like someone that may or may not like you back-- big bloody deal. Here's a piece of advice, from one girl to another-- reach behind you and pull your head out of your a**, you might be able to let go of your pathetic whirl pool of self-pity and teenage angst that you prefer to call 'emotions'. I'm not saying they aren't, but why not complain and rant when it's actually something that isn't so pathetic that it cripples my mind and makes me tired from laughing. (( This coming from the chick that still slits her wrists. I truthfully couldn't care less about how Josie feels about me now because obviously she hates me because of you, and obviously this isn't going to get better and just for the record... my feelings for her didn't start this whole thing... your random hatred for me did...))

In relation to your assumption that I 'only went to that school in the first place' you are, as you have been throughout most of your entry, incorrect. Surprise, surprise.((oh and your so very perfect! forgive me you royal pain in the a**)) I went to that school because I am cowardly, ((That’s for damned sure)) and instead of having to restrain from introducing your whining mouth to my fist every time you speak, I choose an 'easy' way out--(( Once again I make my point... what the hell got you so mad at me in the first place!?!?)) I transfered from North to St. Joe's. Oh ho, but of course, it couldn't be such! It has to be that I'm crawling after someone-- but, really, I'm not one to pine after others. It's just not something I like to do. (( Thats the biggest lie i've ever heard in my entire life! remember this? " Im going to runaway to Norway so i can go and live with some guy i've only known for a few months! and im never comming back because mommy doesn't love me!" Sound familliar?)) It's really not--- but you go ahead, have fun with that. (( well then would you care to explain why the hell you DID go to Hoes....oh and you might want to clear up the fact that many times you DID say you wanted to go there because Josie was there...and don’t you dare deny it because that'd just make you seem more pathetic))
To, you, Mel-- 'hypocritical' does not even begin to cover it. I do recall it was you who told me to 'just forget about Tracey'. (( As I should probably say something to her defense, since she is my friend and that’s what friends do...of course YOU wouldn't know anything about how to treat a friend now would you? Melanie has explained this statement to me back when you were skipping school everyday, for god knows why... telling me that the only reason she said it was because , unlike you, she wanted to stop you from hating my guts for reasons unknown to me...maybe she was...oh I don’t know... trying not to take sides perhaps...because a real friend tries to solve the problem...she tried...as did I, but apparently trying to talk with you face to face doesn't work...because you just pretend to forgive and when they turn their back you throw stoned at the back of their head!)) But no-- you wouldn't do that! How silly of me to say such a thing as the truth. You should probably share my earlier said 'advice' with Tracey. You might need her to assist you though, those two faces of yours will be a little tricky to handle on your own~ (( hah? The words 'Look who's talking, just aren’t enough to describe how ironic that statement is coming from you))

And though my comment will no doubt be deleted, it was worth putting it here. Also, Tracey, Mel, if either of you two ever slander my name again.. I will take it upon myself to make sure you won't be able to utter another vowel in your pathetic existences.(( Try it, I dare you... you think I’m afraid of you or something? Sticks and stones....or in this case fists... you talk like your some big mighty god or something... is that what you think you are? well I can certainly tell you your nowhere near... but keep trying.. being self-centered is totally going to get you far in life)) Of course I say that with the utmost respect! Because, wouldn't I seem a little pissed off if I wasn't so completely amused? (( hah! you cant be half as amused as I am.. truthfully when Mel told me about your little entries I burst out laughing!, ask her yourself! I just find it hilarious that you could be so immature to get all hotheaded over my 'personal' journal... first of all...in that entry I never ONCE called you any 'bad' names... the purpose of that entry was to write my feelings down and keep them for later...its a way to keep myself from turning into you. And second of all, my feelings for Josie were truthfully none of your business. I told her how I felt...not you...so stop trying to use that against me just to cut me down. Thirdly, Mel's not the one going around behind her friends’ backs calling them bithces and saying things like e' she's trying to break us up!' 'cuz seriously I have absolutely NO idea where you got that from...so truthfully...who’s the REAL hypocrite here?))
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((and now for the Josie Tid-bits))

Wow. I don't even know where to start with all of this. Firstly, I flat out told you "I was never dating Kiera." and, I had 'feelings' for her for what...? A week? Where do get off saying we were dating? (( Uh huh... i recall you mentioning to me about the 'snogfest' you two were having...saying how she's such a big tease and whatever... technically you two were doing all that s**t so it obviously sticks up a sighnpost saying 'im taken! I like her! She likes me! End of Story' Like come on? If i said i had feelings for a guy and he decided to 'snog' with meand we both consensually did it... wouldn't that seem like dating to you?))
Also. I opened up to you about my feelings and things... as a friend. The last thing I needed was that crap load of an 'ego boost',(( Hey, you called it an 'ego-boost yourself! " oh, hey and that whole having a crush on me for 2 years thing was a really big ego-boost" Yeah i admit... in the entry i DID phrase that incorrectly.. hey im a human! I make mistakes! What i meant to say was i felt like i should just go and tell you now while i still had the chance)) when I was worrying about someone else. I decided to trust you with what I was feeling.
Buut, no, no you couldn't just be pleased that you'd gotten a step closer to me in friendship. (( You think i didn't? I gave to you the secrets i'd been bottling up for 2 years!! and you think i dont apreciate it? I told you BEACUSE you opened up to me! Thats something i never expirianced from you Josie, because in the past you never told me anything!!))(If you even realized it at all.) Nope, drawling on about you has to of been much more fun. (( Sorry if i tend to try and look out for myself once in a while...))But, that's not so bad. I got over it. (Although even mentioning your name became awkward for a while.) I figured 'Whatever. She's my friend. Ignore that.' And now? You're going to... butt out of it? Go ahead, seriously. Obviously, you can't handle the fact that I got over you, or that I just wanted a friend. (( Truthfully Josie.. when i said butt out of it... i meant to leave you two alone! So that i wouldn't spend my spare time wondering what was going through each of your heads those very few akward times we saw each other! Sorry I have a bit of trouble dealing with the fact that im losing both, the girl i've had a crush on, and at one point loved for 2 years and one of the closest friends i've ever had. Im perfectly fine with just being your freind! Thats just what i've been doing these two goddamned years! Yeah i KNOW you got over me.. and yes, can you blame me that it hurt just a little? you think it was easy watching you drool over lauren while I sat there completly helpless? You think it was easy to sit back and hear you ramble on about how much you like someone elce? Yeah, forgive me for having a heart! and for wanting to reserve it for you! Sorry i cant control the fact that yes... after a while i did start to get jealous when all you would talk about is what you and kira did the past week that i hadn't seen you because you were so busy! But i never wanted to break you two up.. for the opposite... i just wanted us all to hang out together like we used to... all three of us! Just hanging out after the bus, wherever we wanted until i had to go... for godsake i miss that time more than you could ever imagine.. but seeing as now you probally hate me (and im not saying this to sound like a victim just to let you know) those times will never come back becuse... It just cant. ))
So, we're through. ******** it, I'm done with this bullshit. Have fun with that growing old and dying. Keep going the way you are, and you'll be alone all the way.
(Oh, and for the record, if you ever 'loved' me; you wouldn't have given a s**t about what your mother thought.)
Good bye.
Who said i ever did? For the opposite you should realize all the s**t i put myself through just to spend a few hours with you after school. Im sorry i dont have alot of freedom, but with what i got i used to devote all the spare time i had going to see you. I Got in s**t so many times whenever i got caught over at your house or with you... but did that ever stop me? Seriously?))


When I called you to meet me at the mall... do you know how hard it was to get my entire family out of the house to give me a ride... I called Mel to give me an alibi so i could spend as much time with you as possible and after that we walked all the way from the gorgian mall to Wing Nutz Just to talk to you so you could feel better! I almost got run over by a ******** snow-plow because i wanted to see you and make you feel better! And you dont belve me when i say i love you? After all the pain i've gone though because of you i still love you and you dont belive me...thanks really... I dont even know why your so mad? So i said you were dating Kira because to me it seemed like you were...is that really so wrong?
I never cared what my mom thought about you.. or Kira... To me you were both the greatest people in the world! Even though you had your flaws i still loved you both! But im human! I make mistakes...and sometimes i dont realize them but when i do and it makes you mad then tell me! Because how elce am i supposed to resolve it... I miss the two of you being my freinds... but now all this s**t has happened and theres really nothing i can do about it now. I tried to resolve things but obviously that didn't work out as i'd hoped... and yeah seeing as this is the end.. really im sorry it became this way.

Ps. Mel, thank you for sticking up for me in that last comment, i really apreciate you trying to help heart





User Comments: [1]
DreamingDreamer
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comment Commented on: Tue Feb 19, 2008 @ 09:10pm
Omg, that was a long post too read Tracey eek .

Your welcome. Im gladly to help you in this god damn pathetic fight that kiera and well sort of now josie has going on because thats what friends do blaugh .


User Comments: [1]
 
 
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