Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Been kinda moody today. My throat hurts and I just don't feel all that well. Stressed about some schoolwork, mainly my art project because it's so huge and the type of detail I have to do is insane. But I guess I like that about it. I like tough and challenging art projects. Makes me feel accomplished.

Well, tomorrow is the day for the first step in possibly fixing my back problems. I'm a bit anxious about my bone scan, which is silly because I've had like a million MRI's-which are not fun because my legs go numb from sitting on that damn table! lol. I'm just like, must move! But I can't. Guess I just need to get it out a bit. Haven't really told anyone, and I don't think anyone reads this, so it's kinda nice to just get it off my chest without worrying about sounding whiny or something. I don't really want people's sympathy. I want them to understand what I'm dealing with, sure, but I don't want them to feel sorry for me. I have so much that other people don't, ya know? I mean I could be worse off. It's hard, yeah, because I always feel so useless when i can't do certain things because I'm in so much pain. But then I think, hey. I have talents. I can draw, and write, and do all these things that make me happy. I have great friends who love me and make sure I'm doing okay. So maybe I can't dance anymore, and maybe I'll never be on Broadway. Ok. And maybe I'll never be an athletic or active person. That's okay too. I can do things that make me happy, and I guess that's all that really matters. I always said I wanted to make a difference in the world. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just something. If I could make one person happy with a piece of artwork, or with a story, or a piece of jewelry, then I'd know I had a purpose, that I did something and I was never useless, and that I'm not pathetic and meaningless. I'm sure I sound emo, but I don't think I am. I'm more...obsessed with my thoughts and my goals.

Wow. Well at least that's out. That would have taken forever to write on paper. Though now I think I have carpel tunnel...heh.