Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

NO ONE reads it, so I just post whatever the ******** on my mind.
3nodding

These last two weeks have been pure s**t.
Constant ups and downs.
A really good feeling, then a bad one, then a good one etc...
And the bad have always outweighed the good.

I've (seriously) contemplated suicide twice now
since the break up.
But after tonite there's absolutely no way I could
even if I do feel like dying again.

James saved me.
I had gotten it all goin' when he called
and helped me through it.
Even if he thinks he made it worse by telling
me all that's happened to him in his life,
he actually really helped alot.

It's kind of like well, if he's been through
all of that s**t and is still alive,
why can't I ?
And I'm 3 years younger than he is.

If for absolutely nothing else,
I'll hang on for him.

....When I think about all of this,
I seriously wonder what my feelings for him are.
Cause I really deeply care about him
but I don't think I can say I love him.
Even though we totally act like we're dating an all that..
it's very strange.

But I just love being around him.