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It has been reported that the British comedy duo, French and Saunders have been broken up due to violent circumstances. During the Secret Policemen's Ball event, Jennifer Saunders had gone on a killing spree, shooting the musician whose act came before theirs, her partner Dawn French, and the audience. There are survivors, but they are so unimportant they will not be included in this article. After walking out onto the stage to tell the man, "I think they're bored", getting a laugh, and began to set up for her and French's skit. After the man was guided offstage, there were sounds of struggling and a muffled voice. Saunders then left the stage to "deal with the problem". The sound intensifed, then the sounds of someone running towards the stage frantically could be heard. Suddenly a gunshot rang out, and the crowd fell silent. Dawn looked on horrified as Saunders walked back out onto the stage. The audience held their breath, awaiting the punchline that would never come. Dawn launched into a hysterical tyrade(sp?) just as Saunders began the skit. You could see, according to the insiginficant survivors, Saunders began to develop a vein in her forehead, just before she advanced threateningly towards French. She unleashed heaps of verbal abuse on French, before threatening to shoot her like she shot the musician. Dawn's reaction was to quiet down and retreat slowly, backing away gradually. The audience remained silent, still believe this was joke, even more so because when Saunders asked stage hands to carry away the body so nonchalantly, it seemed just an act. THE HILLS HAVE EYES. Dawn began to inch away, looking to her obviously homicidal partner and the curtain. When Saunders noticed this, Dawn pointed behind her and shouted, "Look! A distraction!" and fled, as fast as her pudgy little legs could carry her. Saunders was outraged by this and gave chase after uttering this bone-chilling line, "Come back here Dawn, you little piggy." After shooting down her fleeing partner in poorly written humor, she turned on the crowd and began firing. They fled and banged on the doors, but they were sealed in. There were no survivors, except for those two losers. Saunders met her end when she fell through a secret trapdoor. This is Dan Rather.


Just in case, this is purely fictional, and would never happen in real life.