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in the morning, before i left for school, i hugged my grandpa because he was leaving... and i saw tears in his eyes... this was the first time anyone has seen my grandpa cry in a long time... that made me feel like crying too, cause i love im very much... i hope he has a safe trip back... ^ ^ i feel like commiting suicide too right now... my dad saw my grades which had 2 c's.... well, he got angry, i cried and beated myself up, my forearm was bleeding from me grasping it too hard to ignore the pain in my heart and the only thing keeping me from killing myself is because i love mina and i dont want her to be sad.... but my life seems like a wreck and i might have to move again or stay back a grade... do you know how shameful that is? it is pretty damn shameful... anyways, so, with that, i might not be able to come to carmel on veterans day weekend... well i shouldn't complain so much about it... it could have been worse.... o well ^ ^ i make it seem so dramatic, nya? well, whatever...