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"Hold on, Hold on to yourself, this is gonna hurt like hell." - Sarah McLachlan
Since my last blog, life has thrown me and everyone around me some s**t, and I am not sure how to share it, how to release it, how to grieve (a nearly foreign emotion to me.)

I have been saddened deeply, angry as ********, stressed to the nines (to the point of hives,) and unable to blog about all these feelings. Until now. Where every feeling I have is overflowing. (I wish my artistic skills would get like this.) I am trying to be the rock against a hurricane, but I sometimes feel like I am crumbling, and it is happening more often. I don't know how to handle this, I don't know how to handle me and my emotions now. I have picked up pieces of my life before and it was never this hard on me. I don't know if I will be able to do this. I don't know if I am able to survive this. I don't want anymore s**t on my plate! I feel like I am going to break, and no one will be able to fix me.

Job, Apartment, Being a rock, Drama, Being pulled in different directions and not knowing the right course. Not being able to eat, because I am too busy concentrating on something else or someone else, or so stressed out that there is no appitite to satisfy.

I don't know what to do. I am trying to be strong on the outside, but I am a scared little crying girl in the corner wanting someone to come and hold me, assure me that everything will be alright. I want to run but am frozen in place. I don't want to be an adult anymore. I don't want to feel anymore. I want to be normal again. I want everything to be fine. I want no worries except for my jobs that I am trying ever so ******** hard to get. Everyday just seems to get tougher and tougher, like fighting through quicksand only to sink further. But I sink no matter if I get out of bed or not. It is damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

"I gotta get through this." "We are human after all."

I am going to get through this, I am going to be Stronger, and everything WILL BE FINE! I will rise above this with my friends, and look back upon it as one of most triumphant moments in my life. And I will be normal Kirsty again. Soon I hope.

"Work It Harder Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over"