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Pain is Beautiful


shtrdrngry
Community Member
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It was the best of times, It was the worst of times...
No really, it was.

The best: ********, Live and in front of my face.

The worst: Two of my hammies died, and it's all my fault.

The details for the best: Voddy, Cheese (Non-Gaian) and I managed to secure a hotel room in San Jose and collect enough money to go to FanimeCon.
I left at about 10:30am on Saturday morning to go collect them, we made it to San Jose at about 2:30pm. We were a little behind the schedule I'd planned out, so I modified it slightly.
We headed straight for the convention center, and tried to find a place to park. We finally found a spot (And a handicap one to boot!) under the Knight Ridder building, where CBS5 proceeded to let us use their bathroom. rofl
It was just about 3pm by the time we made it to the actual convention center, and we scooted along to get our registration. After our registration was collected, we ran to the end of the line for the AnCafe tickets. They said only 200 would be distributed, and we were told we were like, 280-ish in line. We didn't care, we weren't leaving. Short of DEATH. While in line, we met an .... interesting L-cosplay. He hung out with us the duration of the line, and collected his concert ticket with us.
After we collected our AnCafe concert tickets, we busted a** to get to the Gaia Panel, which was awesomesauce. I love Lanzer. <33
We left the Gaia Panel about half an hour before it ended, which was a good thing really, because it gave us the chance to check out the artist alley and dealer hall rooms. <3
When the Dealer's Hall closed, we headed to our Hotel room. It wasn't the best room, but it worked. We tried to go find someplace to eat, but ended up ordering their version of room service. It was surprisingly delicious! I'd order from them again. :3
Sunday morning we all got up fairly early. The Dealer's Hall didn't open until 10, so at about 9:30 we left the hotel to go find a parking spot. We found a -great- spot beneath the Convention Center itself and wandered the building until they opened up the dealer's hall.
There were -so- many things I wanted to buy, but alas, I only had about 50$ to spend on myself after gas and food money was set aside. XD
I ended up collecting 1 Bleach gashapon (It ended up to be a Grimmjow, which was nifty <3), a Renji (Bleach) Figure, and 5 Bleach luck-o-the-draw keychain thingies - which in turn were Renji, Rangiku, Yoroichi, and then 2 Ikakus. XD I also purchased a pair of black and white cat ears (Freaking -awesome- cat ears, too) for myself, and Voddy and I went in half and half to get a cute fleece cat-ear hat for Chey (Non-Gaian), who couldn't come along with us.
So at about 11:30am, the three of us decided to mosey on over to the auditorium and try to form a line for the AnCafe concert. In line, we met some -really- awesome people, my favorite of which was Amanda, a girl from PA who was a bit older than me, but so freaking awesome that it didn't matter how old she was.
It wasn't until after 2 that we met her, as that's when we were finally able to form our line to get in. By the time the concert started, the line wrapped around the auditorium and all the way down the block...After that, I couldn't see. When we got in, Voddy and I went up to the balcony with Amanda while Cheese went to the standing-room-only section with another girl (Who's name I forgot, but was awesome because she gave us trail mix). In the balcony, we were right at the railing, and could see the -entire- stage. We sat next to a Press guy (Who's putting the story on his website, along with pictures of us he took...lol!), and the guy that'd been in line for the tickets behind us on Saturday. It was awesome.
Ramen & Rice, who opened for AnCafe, was AWESOME. Pure awesome. If they had like, a cd or something, I'd ******** buy it. The violin is made of win. rofl Yeah.
When AnCafe came out, I thought I was going to die. It was the most exciting thing I've ever experienced. From where we sat at the balcony, we were far enough away from the moshing madness, but close enough to see what the guys were wearing, and what they were doing, and everything. I could see when Teruki smiled, I could see when Miku laughed, i could see everything. It was beautiful.
They all looked so amazing - And I realized that for as weirded out by Yuki as I was, I ******** love him. He is so...absolutely adorable. His voice, the way he dances when he's at the keyboards...Everything. I love him. I love them all. LOVE. -bursts-
I screamed so much that by the time we got out of there, I could barely speak. I'd made my throat bleed, and could taste it. My ears rang so bad that I couldn't hear like, anything. But I didn't care, and I would have done it all again the next night, and every night for a hundred years. It was the most amazing experience, to be in the presence of such energy perfected.
~
After the concert, we headed back home. I dropped Cheese off at her house, dropped Voddy off at her house, and stopped by Chey's to give her loves and her presents. Then I headed back to the hotel room in Ukiah that my parents were at.
I got to the hotel just about 3am, and fell asleep near instantly.
This morning I woke up at about 10:30 with the worst headache -ever-. My jaw hurts, my head hurt, my entire body hurt. We packed up the car and got the hammies settled in, and headed out. We stopped for coffee and to say goodbye to my younger sister, then went to my older sister's to drop something off and say hello. This is where the worst happened.
~
The details of the worst: When we got to my sister's house, we rolled down the windows a couple inches all around and left the hamsters in the car. It was fairly cool outside, and we didn't anticipate being long.
We kept getting distracted with the kids, and my mom told me that maybe we should bring the hamsters inside. I didn't want to, i just wanted to go home. It wasn't hot out, so I didn't even think anything of it. By the time we made it out there, it'd gotten too warm for them, and two of the hamsters had succomb to heat exhaustion. I didn't realize this until we'd gotten on the freeway to head out of town, and opened Miku's (He was my blueberry dwarf hamster) cage to offer him loves. When I realized he was dead, I freaked out, and started having a panic attack. My mom pulled off the freeway at the north end of town, and I checked on Teruki and Takuya, the robo dwarf hamsters. Teruki had already died as well, but Takuya was still kind of moving. I started to splash him with water from the water bottles, and continued to sob hysterically as my mom tried to get as quick as possible to my sister's house to try and see if maybe I was wrong, and they were just exhausted...
I wasn't wrong though, and I'd lost Miku and Teruki. My sister gave me tissue paper and a small box to put them in, and I laid them to rest in my gramma's side-yard when we got home this afternoon...
Takuya is doing fine, but the guilt I felt (And still feel) has made me so sick to my stomach. I feel like the most horrible person in the world. Everybody keeps trying to tell me it was just an accident, and that everybody makes mistakes, and that it wasn't like I left them in there on purpose. While part of me knows this all to be true, and that I would have -never- left them had I realized how hot it would have gotten...I blame myself so completely, because I was so exhausted I didn't just go collect them.
I don't think I really stopped crying until about 8-ish tonight...I still feel so horrible that I've managed to make myself sick to my stomach in a literal sense...but there's nothing I can do to get over that yet. I was so completely freaked out by the realization that they'd literally died in a matter of moments (They'd been moving some when my neice came to the car to see them, and died while we gave our hugs at the car doors, so it seems...) and that I'd caused it, that I almost didn't feel like I deserved to be alive anymore.
My mom has said as my friends have that it's not my fault, and that it is horrible but it was an accident, and that she feels horrible too...She offered to get me another hamster, or a rat if I wanted...but I'm not sure I can bring myself to do so. I might consider it later, but right now, it's just entirely too soon...
~
</3
~
So there you have it. The most exciting thing to happen to me yet, and the most terrible thing to happen to me yet (Well, in a great amount of time, at least...Plenty of ******** amazing things have happened, and plenty of positively horrible things have happened to me...)...divided only by short hours.





User Comments: [2]
Pugnacious Banana
Community Member
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comment Commented on: Sat May 31, 2008 @ 07:44am
;__; i want to see ancafe~

stupid awesome people either only going to london or not going to britain at all. ._.;


comment Commented on: Sat Dec 20, 2008 @ 09:10am

Her name was Jenny o3o
The one with the trail mix



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vodka slurs
Community Member
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User Comments: [2]
 
 
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