This serious topic was also posted in LI...but no one responded haha. And I need to record it for myself at the very least.
I used to get fleeting interests in people, or long-term crushes that, if they ended, I could get over, etc.Recently, my best friend of two years, and a friend of three or four, asked me out. She is a very emotionally introverted person normally, which I am all right with. She usually gets bored with people at a very rapid pace, mostly b/c she is a very intellectual person, but also because she finds it hard to truly attach to people given her personality. She is very rational as well, and can be blunt and forward, but is still a very kind individual at heart. I am a very laid back person, generally interested in everything life has to offer, and always a loyal person to those who have earned it. I am more emotional, though it is a double-edged blade, but it still is one of my most redeeming qualities.
We've been dating for a while, but I already can tell that to me, this relationship is something very serious. It's not just a simple crush, it's something much deeper than that to me. I am comfortable with her on such a deep level, and she always sparks me to life. I am never bored with what she has to say, and even if we are doing our own thing around each other, I am content, or more content, as it were, just because it is with her.
However, we had to separate (distance-wise) recently, and will be for quite some time, due to my still being in college, and her having graduated and acquiring a job to pay off her loans. It was once we were separated that I felt more and more just how serious I am about her, as I have never been so inwardly distraught over distance.
This distance has also brought many questions to my mind. These things are topics I know I should not be worrying about quite yet, but they are still all bothering me as they are all intertwined.
The first of these issues is that, even though she says she is happy with me, I am paranoid about boring her. I wouldn't describe myself as a boring person in the least. If someone begins a conversation, even if I know nothing about the topic, I can find ways to engage myself in it and make it flow. I am not a conversation starter as much, which is where part of this irrational fear stems from. Another part of this fear is our differences. They have never caused us any major problems, but she is more of an intellectual person, and due to injuries cannot be as physically active. I am a person who likes anime and video games, however, I have MANY other interests, such as science and the like. We've talked about all of it, but since my major hobbies were/are, to a point, still anime/games along with my other hobbies, I am constantly worried about her feeling I am too intellectually or entertainment wise inferior for her needs, though she has never has a problem with this before.
The second issue leads off of this. I began thinking about the prospect of living with her, as we have talked about tentative plans to move into an apartment together. It made me begin to wonder about passion, and attraction, and how it comes and goes in relationships. I have another irrational fear, that only sprung up for the first time with her, after we parted from college. I feel for some odd reason that if there are moments of silence between us...and I do mean moments...that I am somehow failing at being either entertaining, or a good lover. I always see people talking, but we have been talking for years, and so many topics have come and gone. As I mentioned before, when a conversation is started I can always uphold it, but starting them is not necessarily my strong point, especially about things she might prefer to discuss. Usually we end up chatting a few hours a day, but much of it is about how our lives have been going for the day. This made me think about what would happen if we moved in. Would she still love me, and be attracted to me, and livened by me, even if we saw each other every day? The passion might fade, and yes we could re-kindle it, but what truly keeps people together? I know that we aren't changing, but the amount of conversation might change. I noticed this in my parents.I am sure they talked nonstop the first year or so of dating and marriage, but after that, till now, they talk maybe an hour or so a day, plus whenever something comes up. I feel like this is bad, even though it is not. They get along fine, and I'm sure we would as well, but the idea of silence still bothers me for some reason- perhaps b/c she is usually easily bored and ergo leaves relationships. (In her history, only one out of her numerous partners lasted over one year- he, however, lasted four)
These seem to be my two most resounding issues, and they are in a way one in the same.It disturbs me how much I am upset over this at times- I can be fine for days, and then terrible for a few. Note that I do have depression and will soon be taking anti-depressions to remedy this. Still, I feel like the fear will remain. Right now, all I want is to be fully happy with her, because I know I find myself lucky to be with her.
I'm tired of feeling like I need to meet a quota to keep people close- a speech per day quota, or how exciting the topics must be.
Yunari Rizaki Community Member 
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