to james-->
ONCE A b***h..
im a b***h, that thinks im always right. that your nothing and im everything. ive treated you like s**t, and now i want you back, how could i be so cold, and such a b***h. i derserve nothing youve ever given me, im sorry that im hurting you every time im with you. im a cold heartless ******** whore, worse than anybody youve ever known, i cry when you dont say i love you too, im killing you inside, and i dont care, im fckedup and cruel when youre sweet. ive blamed you for little things that dont compare to me.
i still want you back.
i dream of hugging you and calling you mine,
just like the greedy piece of s**t i am.
if anything i wanna change myself, for you.
be a better person.
and stop the stupid things i do,.
i love you.
CRAZY HEAD
i know im crazy and i think my brain is going to snap and i'll loose my grip on realality, and slowly forget years of my life every time a nerve is touched. i cant tell if ive said to myself, is what ive said to you already and my dreams and made up world is accually real, or if im in a coma and this is all fake, you know your too good to be true. maybe my brain is telling me that what im doing is wrong and i should just leave you alone, cause every time i think about myself and what ive done i throw up and cant eat anything, im dieing or im too crazy to even think that. all i want is to be with you and everything can be a dream, i want to tie myself down for you.
and only you.
EMO BACK THEN
i cant belive what i was before you,
purple bangs in my face, crying more than five times a day. staring out into the open and other people thinking about my life, and how nobody liked me, dieing to come home, and dieing to leave home, ignoring everyone, savoring every hug, not eating, not sleeping, not dreaming, slicing my wrist for the things i didn't deserve, hiding in the closet listening to my daddy call me a slut and bang on the door, and mom, yelling ready to hit me again, my sister saying that ive never done s**t for her. i still feel, the pain, but you hate it.
and i want you, i have to stay happy,
how can i not be, i love you and being with you is more than enough, but i cant hold all the tears, and i cant eat knowing that i dont deserve you, and all the pain ive given you, i can never do enough.
i feel like iev taken every word my family threw at me ive thrown back at you, and never gave anything back, but little i love yous, and colored pictures. yet ive doubted your love, and thought i was better for the first time.
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[[Dear Diary]]
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c'est moi, j'aime mon aimee <3 -->