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There's been something itching at me for the past couple weeks. And I didn't dare to scratch it because I didn't want to know what it was completely. I could tell what was going on, but I never really thought about it until just now. It's so weird of me to think like this, yet so true in my mind. I'm losing interest in everyone. My parents, my friends, my loved ones. I can't explain it either. I've just been wanting to be alone. That's it. It seems like ever since school got out, everything has just become this void of stress where I'm afraid that I'm going to snap back and relapse. And this can't happen. It's been so long since I've painted(to anyone who has been reading, you should know what that means), that I don't want to start doing it again.

Ever since I was kicked out of my house it's just been partying non-stop and I gotta tell you, a lot of drama was involved. I didn't realise it until now that with every party, someone was upset or depressed. And I'm really tired of it all to be honest. I love my friends, but I just don't think I can be around it. I mean I wanna be happy. Is that so bad? Really?

I think I also wanna move out of Florida. For good this time. I haven't tried to leave, but I really think I just need to get the hell out of this town and don't look back. I know that's so messed up to say, but I really think it would be best. Maybe I could find some place in like Vermont to go to and just be to myself. Start and complete a story and have no worries other than staying alive. I like the sound of that too. But could I really leave everyone behind? Even those who have no idea that I still have a faint care for them? Could I survive without these people that I've known to call my friends?

How easy would it be to drop everything, not tell anyone where I'm going and just head up the East Coast? Or head back to the West Coast? Could I do it? Should I do it? I really have no idea what to do anymore. Seriously. It's almost pathetic. Or maybe I'm crazy to be thinking like this. Or am I just over-reacting and thinking way too much. Could I just be depressed? Or maybe I'm just so happy that I want to try something new. Or maybe I'm just pissed off at the world and I want everyone to know how I feel. Whatever it is, it's bugging me. It's like I'm losing interest in everything, including myself. :[