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Well, I have nothing better to do.
If I keep a journal IRL now, my sister'll snatch it up and read it. I have to devise some secret code or something... Gawd, she's nosy.

I wish I was in school. That way I could keep a journal locked up in my locker and shred it and all the memories that came with it only to throw them away at the end of the school year.
I'll be able to do that in less than a month, thank god.

Haha, I'm never gonna get any sleep. My parents are off to a little "meeting" tomorrow and well... I've never been more anxious in my life.
Glad I'm with my mom or I wouldn't be on the computer right now...

So. To pass the time, I was trying to find one of my favorite videos on YouTube to Simple Plan's "Shut Up". While searching, I came across another song of theirs, "Prefect", which has some pretty promising lyrics considering my mood as of now.
Let me share it with you.



Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to the plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I
wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing is alright

'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect



Well, there's my emo-gushing for the day.
Err, night, that is.

Well, those lyrics are slightly more promising than the ones from "Too Bad" by Nickelback, at least.
Really though, I don't give a crap if he doesn't care about me.

Dangit. In nine hours from now I finally get news on whether I can talk to my friends with free reign or not. I'm gonna friggin' die waiting.
Maybe I should try to break a Gaian Record for "Longest legitimate journal entry written in one sitting"?
Nahh. I'll get bored eventually.

Gaia's supposed to be my escape from the real world. But I've never wanted my real world back so badly...
Normally, I fight my real world with everything I've got. I call it fake, I hate it. And my second life was always just down the street.
Now, when I open my eyes and realize, Hey, you ditz! Screw your household, your friends are your real life!, I get in moods like this.

I miss my friends SO much.
Mini-quiz.
How would you feel if you got ripped away from the biggest (for the sake of not making this an utter insult) jerk of all time, yet you got ripped away from your FAMILY at the same time?
Would you rather deal with the jerk and be with your family, or have to never see the jerk again if you stay on your own for six months to a year???

I'd take the latter if I could take the time away on MY schedule.
Sadly, I'm stuck with the latter, and I won't be able to see my friends until friggin' Christmas.
And that's if my dad doesn't pull any of his crap.

C'mon now. My friends ARE my family. My household, for the lack of a better word, sucks. And I was stuck living with Mr. Jerk until about two months ago.

I'm playing ring-around-the-rosie with my head. More to the point, every day I feel like I keep getting hit by a train. My sister tells me the same thing every friggin' day:: "It'll all be better in the long run, you'll see..."

Yeah, maybe, maybe not, but either way it's the wait that's gonna kill me.

Not seeing my friends, it's like not living for however long I'm gonna be gone.

With my friends...
I can be random.
Do the things I wanna do.
Not be afraid of being judged.
HAVE FUN.
Laugh.
Smile.
Feel how I want to feel.
AND JUST BE MYSELF.

Nope, not around my so-called family.
I gotta be mature. All. The. Friggin' Time.
I gotta be on their schedule.
Be on their terms.
Keep everything bottled up or face the question that will cheese me off instantly:: "What's wrong?"

And to top it all off, my sister's running the show.
That's right.
And she's almost as bad as my dad!!
The only difference is that she's not a diagnosed sociopath or hypocondriac. She actually has some feelings under all her ADD. And yes, I say that with humour.
Otherwise? THEY'RE LIKE THE SAME PEOPLE!!!

It's like this: would you rather have a bruised apple or a bruised banana?
It's hard to choose, because they'll both be old and rotten when you see them, won't they?
IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER IF YOU LIKE ONE OF THEM MORE WHEN THEY'RE FRESH. THE POINT IS, THEY'RE BRUISED ALL OVER. THEY'RE ICKY.

God, I miss my friends so much.
Yeah, I go back to that a lot.
But this is my rambling time. Don't like it? BUG OFF.

I'll be outta my emo mood when I'm able to talk to my friends freely.
Hopefully, that'll be in... about eight hours. And fourteen minutes. Ish.
But, until then.

I MISS MY FRIENDS.

Now then.
I should be getting sleep.
However, I've just poured myself a big glass of Coke and have downed half of it.
I must be thirsty. Or caffeine-hungry. I never drink anything that fast.

Well, I guess the random in me is starting to emerge. Right on time, too. Let's see here...

Gah, I need to catch up on Shippuden!!
The last thing I knew about was when the new Team 7 met Kabuto on a bridge and Orochimaru caught up with them...
Then I skipped a bunch o' stuff and went to when Tobi tells Sasuke about why Itachi killed the Uchiha clan and blah blah...
Poor Itachi-kun.
;-;

On another note, I've been watching Escaflowne.
I left off at Episode 22... the worst place ever, basically, seeing as there were only four Episodes to go.
Then I inadverdently read spoilers. GAH!! I must watch the rest of those episodes!!!

...Hm.
Funny, how anime can calm my spirits like that.
Or maybe the caffeine's just letting my headache go away.
Whichever is may, be, I think I'll end this now.

G'bye all who were patient enough to read all of this.
I guess.

EDIT:: I have officially been labeled as "angsty". xD