Dear journal.
I'm trying to feel something, anything really, other than this sick form of nothingness. I want to feel like everyone around me is okay and we're not all teetering on the edge of insanity just moments away from the final breaking point..
"There is a certain comfort in holding this pen and writing scratch on these pieces of paper. A sweet sense of serenity erupts all over me. Be it I write of sorrow, or happiness, or that never mending hollow feeling I get at the strangest times, the comfort never fails me. Putting a small but confident smile upon my face, a way for the words to kind of talk back and say, 'good work'. But as I write now I am starting to resent that feeling and the smile it puts on me. Each time I write it's for an unhappy reason. Why?"
If I'm not mistake, I'm pretty sure I wrote that a few months ago. Maybe 5? It's taken out of an old journal I found. On the cover of the journal it says, 'I love Julian' so it's obviously pretty ******** old. I'm thinking of posting all my weirdest journal entries..
12:03 pm; My mind is racing with far too many thoughts. Man I'm thirsty as hell.
So this song I was diggin' earlier turns out to be something by Maroon 5, a band I hate to death. Apparently I should check out some more of their stuff because that song's pretty decent. But who cares? Why am I even talking about a ******** song? It's besides the point.
I don't like feeling sad, not ever. I'm a very optimistic person so sadness doesn't come easily for me. I usually try to look on the brighter side, give people the benefit of the doubt, etc.
12:18 am; HOLY s**t DO I WANNA PLAY HALO 3
And see Lani.. she's such a smooth talker -smiles & blushes-.
So my God father is dying. He is hellaaa sick. And I'm thinking that if he dies I'd like to go to his funeral. I talked to some people about it and my last two deaths I've had to deal with, and they thinks I should go. their so understanding, it's incredible. I didn't think they'd have anything to really say, but oh boy did they ever, haha! And it was really nice to talk to them about everything I've been feeling. I want to vent to lani which is kind of what I've been dying to do..
thanks for listening, journal.
written sincerely Community Member 
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