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Zombie's Journal
This is going to describe essentially what I'm feeling at any given moment I have a fit of craziness and decide to post it here.
Well, I'd be surprised, but honestly, for some reason, I kinda felt deep down inside something was going to go wrong. And it never really went wrong, in fact, it more likely went right. She revealed to me something I already knew, and then phrased it in a way I could so clearly understand.

Before she even opened her mouth to speak.

The pain was evident, I was sure, I could tell as she walked in. She tried to block it, but soon enough it caught up, and it made me realize just how unprepared I was to handle this at all. But then, I was somewhat ready, and I didn't need to hear her say the words to know what to say. Looking back, it was cruel of me, very cruel, to have forced her to say them in the first place. I should have said what needed to be said, and left it at that, not having caused her to react like she did. I was surprised at one thing though. She was attempting to be careful with whether it hurt me or not, and it openly hurt her to tell me. I'm emotionally unaffected by most things, and it's very, very difficult to bring me to the point of tears. In all reality, this sent me into a state of emotional lockdown, and the actions of an a*****e later on nearly sent me over the edge. God thank the water. I probably wouldn't have been able to manage all of this had I not had that outlet. Today could have been much, much better, but honestly, things, no matter how well you think you've planned it out, no matter how much you're sure that it's going to go so well, no matter how much effort you put in to assure that it's a good thing, your plans will almost always crash, and burn. It's not that you don't try, but more that lady luck tries harder to kill it. And that's how it always it, no matter what you do. With love, with work, with fun, with life, your plans will always die. Life is an event of spontaneity, and trying to rationalize the inner workings of it is about as useless as telling a midget to grab something off of a high shelf because you can't reach it. Hell, you might know more, but then you're stuck realizing just how much you fail at whatever you try to do.

And really, I guess it was never meant in the first place.

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