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Yeah, you know that stuff your mom used to rub on your chest or your upper lip when you were sick? It was goopey and sticky and it smelled?

I think it smells nice. We have some tissues like that right now.

I have to go to a meeting at school today. I have to talk to all of my teachers with my parents so I can finally get some work to do while I'm out. I think. Blech. It's all so confusing. I miss the days that would have been simple with my current knowledge.

Life has never seemed simple while I was in it, but it's all a piece of cake in retrospect.


So. Recently all my dreams have made me wake up feeling violated. It's not fun. It leaves me feeling raped all day. I'm kind of confused and shaky.

I feel like I'm going to figure this whole self-control thing out. I don't know when. It might even happen too late to make a difference where I want it to. But I guess I could figure out another form of motivation.

I feel like I'm losing touch with a few close friends. I'm probably just being paranoid, but it feels like they don't want me there anymore. Not like they don't like me, but like I'm too complicated to deal with. I love them, and I don't think I'll ever be able to apologize enough for this time in my life (if they manage to stick with me long enough to see that this isn't me...)

I know some of you must feel this way sometimes: there's an adult in there somewhere that could make it's appearance if only the hormones would get the ******** out of the way. D< *Kicks hormones.*

I have a lot to think about right now, and it's hard to focus on one thing at a time. I wish I had more time. I wish I was oblivious to the "limitations" I have. Just because I know there's a limit to how much time I have in my life, my brain panics. I think waaaayy too far ahead. I waste time worrying about how little time I have. I'm easily overwhelmed.

I really don't enjoy feeling like a child, even though I'm acting like one these days. :/

And the worst part: I might not be able to ever show people what's inside me. My actions contradict my thoughts so often... Hmm. We'll see.

I'm even writing like someone else right now. o.O

Anyways. Love you if you read all this. I think I'll go shower.