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November o4, 2oo8.
Love is foul.
Every second I'm on the computer or even near it, I can't stop thinking and missing a certain someone. Some of my friends know who and others don't. The ones that knows have seen what he has done in the past and possibly the present. They despise him more than I do. I'm still new to this "love" thing and have yet to understand. I've yet to notice the difference between loving someone special and loving my friends and things. I've learned the difference of being loved and loving but not yet the basics.

What is "love"? I keep wondering. I've seen a lot of drama showing different kind of love. People usually think they have "the one" but in the future, that person may not be "the one." I've thought the person I was with was "the one," but sadly, I was proved wrong. Some of my friends know that that person is a whore and I do to, but I kept denying it in the past. I would constantly forgive him even as he continues hurting me. As my friends continued warning me to forget about him, I went against them. We got into a fight all because of him. He was contagious. A dangerous chemical to me. I loved him and now I hate him. No...despise may be a better word... I despise him for him hurting me in the past and not admitting his wrongdoings. I despise him but I also love him... At times, he would make me the happiest person alive. I hate and love how he makes me love him.

Smart people would just forget about everything but I can't. I should but I just can't. As the beginning states, I still think AND miss him. I hate myself for that. Each day, I tell myself to just forget everything about him. Every single day. But as I continue saying that to myself, I'll just continue missing him. Maybe it's because I don't want to forget him..? And that I want him...again..? Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I just don't understand myself about this feeling anymore. I don't want to fall in "love" again. But as everyone knows, people can't control their feelings... I just might as well live through this, be broken in two until someone can heal it completely.

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