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Depression hurts, everyone knows it. What hurts even more is when you finally find the cause of your depression and you wish it was something else. I had a long hard talk with my mom today and she thinks my depression is from not having a job or money. I agreed, it seems for the past 2 years I've been getting worse about my depression.

I need friends, a life, a job, and a girlfriend.

When I was in school I had a life and friends. I've had girlfriends, a few irl and a few online.

In a small way I cared for them all, but my last Girlfriend, Casey, I was in love with the most. I thought about her night and day. We were so close it was like we had known eachother our entire lives. But the distance between us began to strain. She lived in Missouri while I live in Ohio. So eventhough we weren't insanely far away, we were still far enough. Then her mom forced us into breaking up cause her mom didn't like the idea of her spending time at home to be with me.

After the break-up we stayed friends. At first we spent just as much time together as we did while dating. Then it slowly began to slip, till I barely get 20 mins with her a week. It hurts knowing I can't see her, be with her, and now even talk to her.

The more I'm alone the worse my mind gets. I'm so sad and alone and she's out there having the best times of her life. I'm sad that I'm losing her and that I'm trying my hardest to get her and she's just doing whatever. She's forgetting me, leaving me, and slipping further away then just the few states.

I've come up with several solutions to what I need to do.

1} Move out and live near her, that way we can be together again.

2} Stop talking to her and that way she'll have her life and I'll have mine.

3} Suicide.

4} Find someone to date that way I forget about her.

All of those solutions are just stupid in their own way.

If I move down there she'll just be ignoring me from the same state, plus her mom probably hates me enough as is.

If we stop talking I'll be worse off cause I'll worry about her and think about her non-stop.

Suicide is a horrible thing and I know I'll only be hurting everyone around me.

and as for the last one I can't do it cause my heart is so attached to her, I'm still in love with her as much as I was the day we first started going out. I love her with all my heart and soul.

I don't know what I should do, so many choices and so many bad ones. I wish I could be her Boyfriend again and I wish I could call her mine.