1. A friend
of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but
doesn't really care.
2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound
box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
3. My mind not only
wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
4. The best way to forget your
troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5. The nice part about
living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone
else does.
6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight
because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
7.
Just when I was
getting used to yesterday, along came today.
8. Sometimes I think I
understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
9. I gave up
jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to
my shorts.
10. Amazing!
You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
11.
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things
like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgotten my address,
my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
12. The
trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they
marry him.
13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of
stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they
kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!
View User's Journal
Coddle the infection and make an amputated one
My rants, giving the world cannon fodder to use against me.
 |
