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Yeah so it's been a few weeks since my last journal entry and I figured it was time for an update. So where to start? Lemme just refresh my memory right quick and get to the juicy details that is, my life. x] Though I doubt anyone thinks of them as juicy details, but hey, I can dream. wink


Okay, so first update. Sex is VERY, VERY, risky. I mean very. Especially when you're envolved. XD No, but seriously. I mean it's risky when you're in the heat of the moment and it's nothing but passion and aggression. Those go together right? Well my girlfriend and I are almost to our 6 months, and we decided to finally take the next step. She was ready. I was ready. WE were ready. So we did the deed. It sounds so non chalant when I say it like this, but I'm running on 6 hours of sleep and pizza, so bare with me good pals. Well okay back to the update. But we had to put a time limit on it. And timing something as important and exciting as that isn't fun. So I didn't.....finish. Let's put it at that. smile So we had to do it a second time a couple days later. She was sore the day after. BTW my girlfriend WAS a virgin so that's why she was sore. Lol. The second time lasted a couple hours and we were both so caught in the moment and it was just my god, spontaneous would be a good word for it. But you know, as much as sex is fun and wild, it comes with a price. Diseases, gossip, and the worst of all, babies. I hate babies damn it. But I want one. :] But anyway. We were talking the other night and she decided to fill me in that she might be pregnant. YAY!!! XDXDXDXD No. Fail. STFU. *face palm* *FACE SLAP* At first I felt my stomach lurch and I had to put the phone down. I wanted it to be a joke, but it wasn't. She was serious. But I thought about it and I didn't finish either time, so I didn't understand how she could be. And I know that whole bullshit about that pre-eject that comes before the BL*, but with my history, I doubt that. XD, that might be a story for a later journal. But I told her that if she were to have a kid, my kid, that I wouldn't leave her here to fend for herself. I mean I know she's got family here, but s**t, that's my ******** kid. It's gonna have a daddy. I'm not supporting myself as it is, but I WILL support a child. But today she filled me in with the good news that she started her woman flow. So I felt a great pressure come off of my shoulders. OMG. XP. But then I got to thinking about it, I don't want to leave her here. I can't move when I've fallen in love with someone. It just wouldn't be possible. I mean I found out today how much I really did love this girl. She played a joke on me. A ******** UP JOKE, to be exact. But it just proved to me how much, I can't be without her. So I don't know what to do anymore. Any ideas? Stay with my dad? Go with mom? Either one, it leaves an outcome that I won't be able to handle so easily. So the morale of my story is, wear condoms people. Wear two if you have to, just be safe when you have sex. s**t, I know I am. I've got Trojans now. I'm not gonna be a father anytime soon. s**t if I could, I'd take birth control.

*Big load.


For the past couple months, I've had to sit by and watch my mom suffer and torture herself trying to win back my dad. My ******** a*****e of a father. The verbal and physical abuser of his one and only child and the verbal abuser of his wife. Yeah. I wrote that s**t. Deal with it. Or take a breath before you go on. It's up to you. :] But today I woke up to my mom balling her eyes out over him. And you know what his newly accomplished goal of the week is? He's talking to some model from LA with fake tits and a tight a**. She does have a nice a**, but that's besides the point. HER TITS ARE GROSS!!! GRRR! !>.<! *ahem*
But she read his email that he'd left open. Now I know this is wrong and I even made the comment to my mom, but it turns out my dad's been reading her emails for years. Now that's some ******** up s**t. He's got such a double standard when it comes to my mother that it blows my mind that she's stayed with him, let alone still in love with him. So I see her crying like this day in and day out and she has the audacity to tell me not to get mad at him. Like WTF!? Seriously? This guy punched me in the mouth for having Frosted Flakes for lunch, and you want me to let this slide? That's he's been a colossus d**k? "Yeah okay mom. He's the best dad ever. s**t, he might as well be Santa." *big smile* No, it's not going to be like that. As much as I want to stay here and be with my girl, I can't let me mom do this to herslef. It's retarded. Excuse me if that's offensive to you. I apologize. But it's a word that I find fits great. Not that she is, just what's going on between them. My mom sees hope, my dad TOLD me that there is no hope and me? I have to be in the cross fire of the feuds. What would you do? Seriously? Tell me.


And for the last update of the journal, I am in fact dreading everything. Ever since I found out that I'm supposed to be moving, I've cut all ties with everyone except for a choice few people. Like a group that I can count on my hands(I can count to a lot on my hands though. XD). Yeah. Try going from over 200(I'm assuming it's that much. ******** me if it's wrong. And I don't care. I wanted a high number.) friends, to 10. Yeah it's weird, but it was really easy to do. Now if I move, it's gonna be okay because I'll have those handful of friends and then I'll get to Oregon and continue my life. But if my parents work it out, I have to stay here with the 10 friends and continue my life in what used to be so repititious that I expiremented with some pretty extreme drugs. Now I don't wanna go back down that path again. Part of me wants to leave so I don't have to get back into it with those bad influential friends, but part of me wants to stay. For those of my friends that I still love and care for. And it kills me to have to think about all this s**t on top of what could become of Kayla and I. Oh yeah and my parents. And the fact that I'm still not going to school and the support I get at home from daddy dearest is just SO assuring that I want to get out there. And to top it all off, I GAINED 5 LBS!! Haha well that one isn't so bad, but it's still weird. I don't eat anymore. Okay now that might be bad. Now those of you who do know me should know that I used to eat A LOT of food. Lol. Now I can get by on one hot pocket. It used to be 2 and a bowl of ramen to get to a state of, "Hmm, what else can I eat?" So yeah. s**t's changing. And I need to learn how to dance too. I'm a white boy and it sucks to see your girlfriend dance with random guys from her highschool and my old highschool. And I don't care if a couple of them are gay. I made out with one of them. So that's just what the ******** did I just type? Lol. Okay well whatever. I guess people know. But I was drunk, so you can't put me at fault. It was the Bacardi. XD


I'm done for the night. All this typing has got my mind in a bundle. So I'm gonna go to bed and try and sleep it off. I think I might have a wake and bake tomorrow. I don't know. But the damn school only has 2 days this week. I DON'T REMEMBER HAVING A DAMN THANKSGIVING BREAK WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL!!? W'the s**t? So I'm gonna make plans. And you know what I noticed. I've been out of school for a few months now and I've been in the house a lot. But it's not bad to be in the house when you're not grounded. But now that I am, it ******** sucks. And please accept my apologies about my excessive language in tonight's journal. I'm in a rough patch kids. :] Agh I gotta stop this typing s**t. Okay, now I'm done.