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With Christmas and new years only a few weeks away it seems natural to reflect on everything that has happen in the past year heck even in the past couple of years. I've noticed something though,you can only make yourself happy. Friends, family, relationships, people you work or go to school with, and even strangers all I can do is treat them as I want to be treated. This is something I have been taught almost everyday since I was born and something I truly believe in but I have gotten confused with treating people as they should be treated and wanting them to be happy.

I have a hard time seeing someone I don't know look unhappy and even harder time with someone I do know and you can imagine how I feel when its someone I truly love. I have now realized that it doesn't matter how much I want them to be happy and no matter how I change myself to make them happy it will not work. People can only make themselves happy. The only thing you can do is be there when they want to talk to you about it.

When it comes to family and relationships for me I know see is very dangerous for my on health. I tend to put them up on pedestals believing they should never experience any kind of sadness or loss. So leave it to say when the passing of my two brothers barely a year apart from each other I was nearly knocked out from my own grief and the grief of my family. I remember spending most of the time not showing how I felt to protect them. In the end it would have been better to talk about it than pretend nothing bad ever happened. However, through the grace of God everyone is getting through it.

Stressing myself out over how they are feeling on makes things worse and if this was any advice to give try not to do that everyone has a right to there emotions good or bad and the only person who can change it is you own self. I decide that I want to be happy because I don't want to bring the people around me down. Some else says I'm feeling bad and I don't want to hide it that is their decision. No matter what you do you can't change how that person feels so don't even try. Hopefully, the situation will get better and they will come around.

For every color you can create that is just about how many personalities are in the world. I have learned that I need to know how to deal with them and also how to guard my heart from those who would abuse me. I know now what my parents mean by saving love for your self and not giving it all to someone else. Its almost like a piece of your spirit dies when they do something or say somethings that hurt you. That is not healthy at all for you or the other person no matter who it is mom dad brother husband girlfriend or friend. Save some love for your self its a dangerous chance to love someone to deeply there are some snakes in the would that will squeeze all they can get from you before they eat you and spit you back out. I realize that you have got to LOVE YOURSELF, before you can love anybody else. There is more I want to say but I'm very sleepy at the moment and can't remember and this entry went longer than I thought lol.

I know this all sort of going in different directions I'm just writing what ever comes in my head and once again I would like to apologize to anyone brave enough to still be reading this lol. I also hope that everyone has a safe and wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year.
And for those PC nutcases out there Happy freaking Holidays you bunch of joykillers xp lol rofl