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[Megatron notices some humans near him]
Megatron: Disgusting!
[revolted, he flicks one of them away]

Optimus Prime: My weapons specialist: Ironhide.
Ironhide: [drawing his guns] You feelin' lucky, punk?
Optimus Prime: Easy, Ironhide...
Ironhide: [retracts his guns] Just kidding. I just wanted to show him my cannons.

Jazz: You want a piece of me? You want a piece?
Megatron: No, I want two!
[rips Jazz in half]

Sam Witwicky: Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.
Sheriff: It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up...
[hands Sam a container and a tissue]
Sheriff: And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?
Sam Witwicky: No, I'm not on any drugs!
Sheriff: What's these?
[shows Sam a bottle of pills]
Sheriff: Found it in your pocket. "Mojo". Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?
Sam Witwicky: Those are my dog's pain pills.
Ron Witwicky: You know, a Chihauhua. A little...
Sheriff: [annoyed] What was that?
Sam Witwicky: Hmm?
Sheriff: You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?
[leans over Sam]
Sheriff: Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up.
Sam Witwicky: [whispers] Are you on drugs?

[Bumblebee, with Sam and Mikaela inside, is being chased by Barricade]
Mikaela: Oh my God, we're gonna die! We're gonna die!
Sam Witwicky: No we're not! Trust me, he's a kickass driver!
[Bumblebee is heads towards a wall]
Sam Witwicky: [high-pitched scream] Oh my God, no! We're gonna die!

Optimus Prime: It's you and me, Megatron...
Megatron: No, it's just ME, Prime!
Optimus Prime: At the end of this day, one shall stand, one shall fall!
Megatron: You still fight for the weak! That is why you lose!

Agent Simmons: Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed. Enlighten me.
Sam Witwicky: Well, here's what I said, okay? 'Cause this is a total misunderstanding that my car had been stolen...
Agent Simmons: Really?
Sam Witwicky: ...from me, from my home, but it's fine now because it's back! It came back!
Mikaela: Well, not by itself.
Sam Witwicky: Well, no.
Mikaela: Because cars don't do that because that would be crazy.
[everyone laughs]

USAF Master Sgt. Epps: [radioing to a lone F-22 fliying overhead] Raptor, Raptor do you copy? We have your visual. Green smoke is the mark. Provide air cover and vector Black Hawks for extraction.
[guided by the smoke, the F-22 heads for the group, but there's no answer... ]
Ironhide: [transforms] It's Starscream!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: Please tell me you copy...
Ironhide: Back up! Take cover! Bumblebee...!
[With Bumblebee's help, Ironhide grabs a van and lift it up as a shield as the Raptor comes closer]
Captain Lennox: No, no, no, no... MOVE!
Ironhide: Back up! Back up!
Captain Lennox: RETREAT! FALL BACK!
Ironhide: INCOMING!
[the Raptor strafes the ground, blowing up the truck and blasting everyone to the ground]
Captain Lennox: What the hell was that?
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: What are you talking about?
Captain Lennox: What do you mean, what am I talking about? They shot at us!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps: F-22 pilots would never fly below buildings! That's alien... that ain't friendly!

[Bumblebee drives Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel]
Mikaela: [in the back seat] This car's a pretty good driver.
Sam Witwicky: [in the passenger seat] Yeah.
[looks at the empty driver's seat]
Sam Witwicky: Why don't you go sit on that seat there?
Mikaela: I'm not gonna sit on that seat. He's driving.
Sam Witwicky: Yeah. You're right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap.
Mikaela: Why?
Sam Witwicky: Well, I have the only seat belt here. Safety first.
Mikaela: Yeah. Right.
[Mikaela moves from the back seat to Sam's lap]
Sam Witwicky: See? That's better.
Mikaela: You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.
Sam Witwicky: Thank you.

Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation.
Sam Witwicky: A what?
Ironhide: [aiming cannons at Mojo] Shall I terminate?
Sam Witwicky: No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas.
Ironhide: He's leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph!
Sam Witwicky: He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad!
Ironhide: Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot's gonna rust...

Sam Witwicky: What is Sector 7? Answer me!
Agent Simmons: I ask the questions round here, not you, young man!
Mikaela: All right, how did you know about the aliens?
Sam Witwicky: Where did you take my parents?
Agent Simmons: I am not at liberty to discuss...
[Sam snatches his badge away]
Agent Simmons: Hey, you touch me, that's a federal offense!
Sam Witwicky: [holding it up] Do-whatever-you-want-and-get-away-with-it badge, right?
Agent Simmons: Brave now, all of a sudden with his big alien friends standing over there.

Agent Simmons: Mean little sucker, huh?
Maggie Madsen: That thing is freaky!
Agent Simmons: Kinda like the itty-bitty Energizer Bunny from hell, huh?

[Epps and Glen stare at the gashes in the All Spark chamber]
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: What's that? Freddy Krueger been up in here or something?
Glen Whitmann: Oh, no, man. Freddy Krueger have four blades, man. That's only three. That's Wolverine!
[growls and laughs]
Glen Whitmann: Right? That's Wolverine!
Agent Simmons: That's very funny.

Frenzy: [reporting to Barricade] Stupid insects tried to shoot me... found a clue to the Allspark...
[he plugs himself into a monitor and displays what information he had stolen from Air Force One]
Frenzy: Witwicky - he has seen our language... Witwicky search...
[Frenzy activates a searc engine, which brings up an eBay file on Sam and a picture of spectacles. Frenzy notices familiar markings on those spectacles... ]
Frenzy: We must find LadiesMan217! Go, go, go!
[the police car speeds off... ]

Starscream: I live to serve you, Lord Megatron...
Megatron: Where is the Cube?
Starscream: The humans have taken it!
Megatron: You fail me yet again, Starscream... GET THEM!

Ironhide: Prime... we couldn't save him.
[hands him Jazz's remains]
Optimus Prime: Oh, Jazz... We lost a great comrade, but gained new ones. Thank you, all of you. You honor us with your bravery.

Frenzy: Oh, s**t.

Frenzy: All Spark located.
Starscream: This is Starscream: All Decepticons, mobilize.
Barricade: Barricade en-route.
Devastator: Devastator reporting...
Bonecrusher: Bonecrusher rolling...
Blackout: Blackout incoming... All hail Megatron!

Optimus Prime: Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky?
Mikaela: They know your name!
Sam Witwicky: Yeah.
Optimus Prime: My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron.
Ratchet: But you can call us "Autobots", for short.

Jazz: [jumping on Devastator] Come on, Decepticon punk!

Ironhide: [drawing his guns] The parents are very irritating...
Ratchet: [trying to calm him] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Ironhide: Can I take them out?
Optimus Prime: Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans! What is with you?
Ironhide: Well, I'm just saying we could. It's an option.

Sam Witwicky: [after the Autobots have ripped the top off the car] You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.
Optimus Prime: Taking the children was a BAD move! Autobots, relieve them of their weapons!

Jazz: What's crackin' little bitches?
[does a somersault]
Optimus Prime: My first lieutenant. Designation: Jazz.
Jazz: This looks like a cool place to kick it!

Barricade: Are you username: LadiesMan217?
Sam Witwicky: I don't know what you're talking about!
Barricade: ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?
Sam Witwicky: Yeah...
Barricade: Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?

Megatron: I am... MEGATRON!

Agent Simmons: She's a criminal. And criminals are HOT!

Optimus Prime: Our medical officer: Ratchet.
Ratchet: [sniffing] The boy's pheromone levels suggest he wants to mate with the female.

[Captain Lennox is trying to call the Pentagon while his men fight Scorponok]
Captain Lennox: I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: Pocket!
Captain Lennox: Which pocket?
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: MY BACK POCKET!
Captain Lennox: You got like ten back pockets!
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps: LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK!

Bumblebee: [fully repaired] Permission to speak, sir?
Optimus Prime: Permission granted, old friend.
Sam Witwicky: You speak now?
Bumblebee: I wish to stay with the boy.
Optimus Prime: If that is his choice.
Sam Witwicky: Yes.

Megatron: I smell you, boy!

Megatron: Give me that Cube, boy!

Megatron: Maggot!

Glen Whitmann: My grandma don't like nobody on her carpet, especially police!

Megatron: Humans don't deserve to live!
Optimus Prime: They deserve to choose for themselves!
Megatron: Then you will die with them!
[throws Prime away and primes his cannon]
Megatron: JOIN THEM IN EXTINCTION!

Jazz: What about Bumblebee? We can't just leave him to die and become some human experiment!
Optimus Prime: He'll die in vain if we don't accomplish our mission. Bumblebee is a brave soldier. This is what he would want.

Sam Witwicky: [looking up at Bumblebee] Can you talk?
Bumblebee: [through his radio] "XM Satellite One"..."Digital Cable brings you"..."Columbia Broadcasting System"...
Sam Witwicky: So, you... so you talk through the radio?
Bumblebee: [clapping his hands] "Thank you, you're beautiful! You're wonderful, you're wonderful."
Sam Witwicky: So what was that last night? What was that?
Bumblebee: [pointing skywards] "Message from Starfleet, Captain"..."Throughout the inanimate vastness of space"..."And angels will rain down like visitors from Heaven! Hallelujah!"
Mikaela: Visitors from heaven... so you're, like, an alien?
[Bumblebee points a finger at her and nods, and converts into a Camaro]
Bumblebee: "Any more questions you want to ask?"
Sam Witwicky: He wants us to get in the car.
Mikaela: [laughing nervously] And go where?
Sam Witwicky: Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?

[Sam runs to the top of a skyscraper and prepares to hand over the Cube to a waiting helicopter... ]
Sam Witwicky: [spotting Starscream] WATCH OUT!
[Starscream fires at the copter, incapacitating it]
Sam Witwicky: Oh my God... Where do I go?
Optimus Prime: [hurrying across rooftops] Hang on, Sam!
[With a crash, Megatron rises from below; frightened, Sam clings to a statue at the edge of the building]
Megatron: Is it fear or courage that compels you, fleshling?
Sam Witwicky: [terrified] Oh no! No!
Megatron: Give me the All Spark and you may live to be my pet.
Sam Witwicky: [still making a stand] I'm never giving you this All Spark!
Megatron: Oh, so unwise...
[With a roar, he pulls out a flail from his arm and smashes the rooftop, sending a screaming Sam plummeting towards the ground... ]
Optimus Prime: [grabbing Sam] I got you, boy! Hold on to the Cube!
[Prime leaps down, but Megatron grabs him, and all three tumble down into the street]

Optimus Prime: You already know your guardian, Bumblebee.
Bumblebee: [does a little dance] "Check on the rep, yep! / Second to none!"

Mikaela: You know what I don't understand?
Sam Witwicky: What?
Mikaela: If he's like, this super-advanced robot, why does he transform into this piece-of-crap Camaro?

Ratchet: I sense the Decepticons are getting ready to mobilize...

[Ron Witwicky walks towards a window]
Optimus Prime: Quick, hide!
Ratchet: Hide? Where?
[the Autobots manage to get out of sight just as Ron looks outside]
Ron Witwicky: Oh, no... look at the yard! The yard is destroyed! There's sparks flying all over the place... Judy, you better call the City, looks like they got a blown transformer! What a waste... Trashed! Gone!
[appalled, he moves away]

Judy Witwicky: Sam, we heard you talking to someone...
Sam Witwicky: Mom, I...
[Sam's parents fall silent and stare at Mikaela]
Mikaela: Hi, I'm Mikaela. I'm a... I'm a friend of Sam's.
[Judy starts giggling and chucks Sam on the shoulder]
Judy Witwicky: Gosh, you're gorgeous!
[turns to Ron]
Judy Witwicky: Isn't that the prettiest girl?
Sam Witwicky: She can hear you talking, Mom.