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Have you ever wondered why you are here, and not some place else. I wonder that more and more everyday. Why weren't you put someplace else on the world, why am I here, in this small town, where I feel that I fail at everything I do. Why did god put me here? It is not that I can make anything better. Why? That one word has been popping up in my mind for what seems like forever. Like "Why" does it seem that I can not do anything right or "why" does everyone in my class think I'm dumb and hopeless. The more I think about one of the many problems in my head, more and more come up. Like I'm forced to fix them. The only bad thing is that I don't have the answers. How can you fix something you don't know even "Why" it happens. I wish that I could be smart in everyone's eyes. I wish that I could change the way I look. Sometimes I stop and think that if I could make those changes, I would change everything about me. I think it is because of my self a-steam. But it is kinda hard when you say some or don't understand it right away everyone looks at you and thinks your dumb, or the fact that everyone judges you because of your actions at one time in your life. I hear everyone say that people can change, people can grow up, and so on. But it would be hard if people would not let you, people like me. Who sit in some classes, not saying a word or doing anything, just sitting there looking at your paper and doing your work. But then when the teacher calls on you, the only thing you can think about is "I hope I got this problem right," or "What is the point, even if I get it right, everyone will still think I'm who I was in middle school. The dumb person, the person who does not care about anything." I feel like I should just stop, and just not even try anymore. All I'm doing is trying to please other people, people that will never see me as I am today. I wish that the first day 7th grade, the first time that I came to this school. That I was not worried about making friends, or trying to be "cool." I really wish that I would have studied and been smart. Because it feels like to me that everyone is still thinking that I'm still the middle school me. The person that will never grow up, never try, never care. Well the reason why I was like that is because I did what you guys told me to do. The things that made me feel respected and included at the time. Well it turns out that all they did was laugh when I turned my back. To think that the person they don't care about, the person they make feel like crap everyday, they helped mold him into what is now. But they will not give me the second chance, because I ask a question and I feel dumb, or I miss up, or do something that not a lot of people do.

I'm sorry if this does not make sense, but it makes sense in my head. Plus I'm the one that has to deal with the same thing over and over.