View User's Journal

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I always thought that pain was a controlable emotion, but today I learned that some pain is harder to control than others. I once heard that you could tap into your mind and control the feeling of your physical being. Well, I had to try and attempt that today.

I was driving a four-wheeler with my cousins husband, John. Well, were going to a place to ride around safely, but we had to go down the road. Now I had never driven a four-wheeler and I was a bit of a speed devil. lol Well, I almost ran into a tree on the shoulder of the road and had to stop. John had'nt realized that I had stopped and continued, well I started getting worried that I would loose him and get lost. So I went in reverse and started to try and cetch up. I wasn't gaining at the speed I was going and so I sped up, well I was on the road and I got excited and knew I wasn't suppose to be on the road. So I was trying to edge my way over to the side of the road and I over-corrected the problem. I accelerated out of excitement and adrenaline and was closed-lined by a barb wire fence. After a few seconds I brought myself up and jumped off the now slow moving four-wheeler and started shaking. I realized that the four-wheeler was still moving and was still shaking with the adrenaline and excitement I couldn't figure out how to turn it off and so I put it in park. I then walked away, I started feeling a throbbing pain on my neck. I grabbed for it with such force I thought I was choking myself. I released and glanced at my hands to find blood spread all across them.

I remember stumbling around the tall dry grass of the field I had ended up in. I started crying out John's name, falling to my knees and shaking uncontrolably. I clutched my throat trying to regain control of myself. I remember that feeling, over the pain in my neck and the fear that my head was going to fall off. The feeling that a moment ago I was in complete control, in the next few seconds I lost it and was thrown into a state of mind that felt like turmoil and chaos. In a few moments John was beside me and asking me to let him see my neck. At first I was afraid to let go, but I forced myself to let go and let him see. I remember looking at his face and seeing calmness. Not the reaction I was expecting but nonetheless a bit comforting. He left me for a moment to turn off my parked four-wheeler and then ran back and pulled out a red bandana, unfolded it and gave it to me. He instructed me to put presure on the place wear there was the most pain. The pain was like the smallest, hottest fire. Like the small coals from a fire were spread all across my neck. The cold air made my fingers numb, but I could feel my blood on them. In a few moments I was on my way back to the house where we got the four-wheelers and then on our way to the hospital.

The purpose of this entry was to not only share my little adventure but also share my thoughts on pain. I remember in my mind, concentrating on the pain and pushing it into a mental numbness. I was rather proud of myself. But unfortunatley I couldn't keep it up, when in the hospital I was becoming comfortable and my skin felt like everything that touched it was like ice. My neck was burning and my mind was tired. So now I wonder, is it really possible to control your physical emotions...

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

More Information