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when we meet i thought the world would be a better place for me i was so in love with her my life seem to take a trip to good until one day she said "i can't be with you" i heard those words ring in my head again and again until after a few days of anger, pain and suffering i had a psychotic break down i felt so many negative emotions going through me so many times i lost it completely i alomst killed my brother that day to i was about to stab him to death with my knife i keep under my bed (i got 3) (under bed, pillow and mattress) until i came to my senses and stopped on time that same night i was so weak i let out all my suffering into one thing so that night i took all the candles in my house to my room locked the door and made a summoning i made a prayer to the wrong god and asked for power and a demon to make me stronger by using my negative emotions to fuel that power and in return i gave my heart away my positive emotions away to this demon and became possesed at the moment all the candles in my room flickered wildly and i saw this demon that took the from of a werewolf since then i been i control of him and i made the worse decisions over and over i guess i can say that this was Natalie's fault and mine for being so weak i couldn't take being so lonely i cut myself for pain making me stronger and my sins made sure of that i realised what i done and i begged to take it all back...now i can't the deal was in order to go back and take it away was for someone to love me dispite my true self existed that girl must accept the demon inside me and love me but i tried to desperatly find that person over and over i cause myself more grief and making "him" stronger i couldn't escape this fate now i ask myself will anyone ever love me? my heart sealed away to darkness and chained away from the light i must remain this way...until then i can't escape this animal i have become.. and i don't not dare deny this demon beast inside...it's right here (in my mind) it's controling my mind. and why do i deserve to die? i'm dominated by this animal that's locked up inside? i lost everything only to gain nothing i scarificed my sanity for what? for nothing i sold my heart and soul to a demon destroying everything dear to me i had nightmares day and night the same thing everyday i must escape this insanity i'm becoming more and more psychotic everyday i wish i could die to end all my pain and suffering some call me an emo but that's not the case im just someone who's suffered unimaginable thing my nightmares haunt me over and over laughing in my face calling me weak i lived my entire life in darkness until i realised that was my place... insanity has taken over. i don't suffer from insanity i enjoy every minute of it... i stab and stab the wall again and again screaming myself to sleep i have nightmares of himm again and again my nightmares happened the same night i summoned "him" it's starts like this... i appeared in this alleyway with no exit i looked at the walls but they were to high for me to escape until i saw this light a lightbulb of a streetlight post and i went toward it the moon was blood red the sky was dark it was raining heavyly then the walls started to bleed pus and blood the walls became giant fences with blood and people skinned and chopped into pieces the stink was horrible i screaming where the ******** am i?! but then i saw this figure under this light and had the shape of a man and a hoodie of a dead wolf with red eyes his smile shined under the darkness of his hoodie and his eyes beamed red and i was so scared i could not move i was paralyzed by fear and intimidation... then when i noticed his hand my father was dead and he had him by the neck... my father's neck was broken by this being and i stood silent i was speachless i could not utter a word and he said: come to me... and for some reason i obeyed and came to him he said to me: one day you will end up being just like me you'll become hatred itself... then he showed his face... it was an adult form of myself he laughed and laughed i tried to cover my ears but i could hear him still and then he threw my father against the wall and picked me up by the neck and squeezed my neck so hard i thought i was gonna get my neck broken then he brought me near him saying: WAKE UP! those words still haunt me till this very day. but after i woke up i went to the mirror in my bathroom sweating by fear i washed my face and looked into the mirror and i saw my nightmare self i stood shocked telling myself "he can't be real" as i saw him smiling i looked back and no one was there i thought i was losing when i really was losing it....i blame myself about this but this all started because of her.....Natalie.