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******** Journal
It smells like Peaches
WOBOCOCOBODODEO
AND THEN EVERYTHING IS CRUMBLING. AGAIN. LIKE SUCH, BEFORE.

POOR KOE-D.

HE IS SUCH A KIND HEART.
SO HUMAN IN EVERY WAY.

HE IS NOT SOME SHELL OF MONOTONOUS PARTS.
NOT LIKE ME.
HE CANNOT BE REPAIRED AS A MACHINE IS REPAIRED.
THERE ARE SO MANY MORE INTRICACIES.

& WELL ... I AT LEAST HAVE VERONICA.
KOE-D HAS NO ONE.
NO ONE FRIEND THAT HE CAN TALK TO.

& SO, I AM THAT PERSON FOR HIM.
& EVEN THAT MAKES HIM FEEL BAD.

HE BLAMES HIMSELF FOR SO MUCH THAT WAS WRONG IN OUR PAST.
BUT HE SHOULDN'T ... IT IS NOT SOMETHING HE HAD CONTROL OF.

HE SAYS HE HAS BECOME THIS PERSON HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE ANYMORE.

I TRY TO TELL HIM I CAN RELATE ...
BUT HE ISN'T BELIEVING ME.
I CAN TELL BY HIS EXPRESSION ...

SO I EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT THE DRUGS.
HOW I DIED, & HOW I LOST MYSELF.

HOW I WOULD LOOK IN A MIRROR & SAY,
"WHO ARE YOU?" & THERE WAS NO ANSWER.
BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW ANYMORE.
INSIDE OR OUT ... I WAS LOST.

BUT ... BUT, BUT, BUT ...
YOU CAN REBUILD YOURSELF.

IT IS HARD. IT TAKES TIME.
BUT IT IS COMPLETELY POSSIBLE.
WILLPOWER CAN SAVE YOU.

& WHEN HE STARTED TO BREAK DOWN & JUST CRY ...
UNASHAMED ... RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
[RARE FOR US TO SHOW A WEAKNESS]

I KNEW HE UNDERSTOOD.
HE BELIEVED ME.

& THEN HE LAUGHS THROUGH THOSE TEARS.
"IT'S SAD THAT YOU ARE THE STRONGER ONE. BUT, YOU KNOW ... I JUST REALIZED THAT YOU ARE STRONG. NONE EVER GIVES YOU CREDIT FOR THAT. & YOU KNOW IT'S SO ******** UP HOW PEOPLE TALK ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT, LOBO. PEOPLE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU."

YES I AM, BUT IT IS OK.
I EXPECT NOTHING, & RECEIVE IT IN ABUNDANCE.

A PERCEPTION LIKE THIS STEELS YOU INSIDE.
BUT I AM FINE. I LIKE IT, I THINK.
MAYBE I AM JUST USED TO IT.






User Comments: [2]
B-B-B-BeanCup
Community Member





Sat Dec 27, 2008 @ 04:38pm


Your brother is right.


Deciduous Peaches2
Community Member





Sat Dec 27, 2008 @ 04:45pm



I'M SURE HE IS.
MY BROTHER IS SMART AS ********.
HE JUST DOESN'T USUALLY APPLY HIMSELF AS MUCH AS HE COULD.


User Comments: [2]
 
 
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