Theres soo many things, i wanna say but i don't know where to start. i'll just try anyways sitting here at 12:26am on December 31st, 2008 to be exact eating some goldfish, and listening to music. While tears are rolling down like a river. Thinking about all those time we had. damn you made me smile and soo happy once again, i thought i would never smile again back then because once my heart was broken. but you came and put all those pieces back together. i wasn't sure at first if i even love you, so i didn't wanna show that i loved you just yet, after all these months you've shown me that you love me, people always tell me "roger loves you jenny". i already know that from that start but i didn't wanna admit it && admit that i'm falling for you nor i let myself fall for you. cause all i ever think about is "what if i get hurt again?". but i sit in my room every single day thinking to myself i'm being selfish for not giving the love in return. when i finally let myself love you &&admit that you love me much, am i to late to give you my love back?...cause now i'm here sitting all alone in the dark looking at our screen shots picture in rallys. thinking about the pass &&crying my heart out, thats all i'm ever good at anyways. things running through my head over and over worrying that you'll leave, even tho you tell me you'll never leave its just words. Who would knows. Maybe one day you'll leave me. So much has happen between us all those fighting, calling each other bad names, will its usually always me saying them to you, and those swearing. What happen to us Roger?. i'll never regret loving you, i regret hurting you. i wish i could go back to the pass and fixs everything, i'd do anything to fix it. no matter how much we fought, and broke up, you still stick besides me. Always there for me for the ups && downs, talking about our problems even if it hurts you still try your hardest till everythings okie again. i coudn't be that person helping you all i could say was sorry, i know sorry isn't enough but thats all i could say. i'm having a hard time showing you how much i need you, but you don't know HOW much i need you. one day without talking to you kills me. &&now you've changed soo much` in just in a few days, its like i don't even know you anymore. i tried to tell you how i feel but everytime when i do, your respond. makes me feel like you don't give a s**t. it hurts so much re-reading those text. Tears just rolls down. is it cause your with your friends? or is it cause of mee? are you tired of me sticking around?..i don't know but this hurts a lot, i tried to hold all this in, but i could hold so much that now i need someone to feel my pain. i need someone to know how i feel and let me cry on their shoulders. && i need YOU to tell me the truth, i'm slowly breaking apart. its burning the inside of me just please tell me whats wrong. Whats causing this to happen ;/, what hurts more is when you tell me to wait So i wait and wait sometimes even hours just for you to text me, && when you finally do i get all happy but for what? cause i only got to talk to you for couple min, i keep thinking to myself why am i like this? i keep on trying soo hard, when other people would just give up long time ago waiting, &&why i'm soo stubborn sitting around waiting?. && the only answer i get from myself is cause "i need you so bad, that i'm willing to wait". i guess you forgot about me. or maybe i'm not that important anymore i might be wrong but thats how i feel, it hurted alright but i kept it all inside and smile cause i didn't wanna start any fights....People told me i can do better, and some say to hold on. && listen to my heart. but then again` i'm confused, and i don't know whats the right thing to do. i just wish everything was the same again back to day one...when everything was alright. if i take all the blame` && the blame to whats happening to us. can we start all over? and NEVER have to go through this again? Cause i can't take us being like this anymore. i don't care what people think, or how many tears i have to shed. just for you to be in my life i'll take that risk. people might say i'm stupid for wanting this but this is my life and this is what i want. you to be by my side, && only you<33. this is all i had to say. its hurting me soo much, i feel like running outside screaming. it won't make me feel any better but its worth a try.this probably won't make sense but i wrote what i had in mind all down. just to let you know how i feel.
ended 1:25am
