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Look, some of you may be wondering why I’ve been a little off lately, and if you haven’t, well then whatever. I’m writing this to give you guys info and let you know what’s going on with me. I recently have been depressed, and I’m not talking like “oh I’m so sad”, I’m talking about actual depression. I don’t know when it happened or why, but it has been something I have been struggling with for the past few months, or maybe even longer. All I know is that it has just been getting worse. I’m not telling you this for sympathy, and I don’t expect anyone to say “awe poor baby” cuz if you do I’m gonna smack you. I am telling you this so that you know. If I start randomly talking to you and complaining, I’m just venting. It helps to talk to people, so I may do it often. I just need to vent. I don’t expect anyone to feel bad for me or pity me; I just want you to listen. If anyone turns around and starts telling me I’m being dramatic, that I should suck it up and grow up, or anything like that I will go off like a ******** bomb. I’m not joking. Just let me vent, that all I ask. I don’t care if you don’t care or not, I just need you to listen. Hell, I don’t care if you forget what I even told you in ten minutes, I just want you to listen and let me get it out of my system. And another thing, I don’t want to hear from anyone that I need to go to therapy. I don’t. If I go to a professional then they might put me on unnecessary medication just to make a profit. I refuse to go on meds for an emotional problem because half the medicine makes you want to kill yourself even more. I’ve been through group therapy for other things, plus I’ve been in-patient in a hospital for a week, and there is no way I put up with that crap. There’s a trick to get out of those things quickly, and I tend to use it. It’s called lie your a** off and act. I don’t need to go to a ******** looney doctor and talk about my problems when I can just vent to a friend who’s willing to listen. Sometimes, a friend to talk to is all you need. Anyways, I’m begging all my friends to just listen and let me vent, and that is the biggest help I can ever get. I’m starting college hopefully this month and I think it will help to have something to do every day. I want to get past this, I have so many things I want to do with my life, and depression is really lowering my motivation to do the things I want to do. So please, if you’re my friend, just give me a little bit of your time to talk to me and let me vent, and I will be forever grateful.

Warning: While venting, I tend to have a complete drama episode. I know it’s very dramatic and I get to be a lot, but that because I have a lot of emotion that I need to get out. After I do have my dramatic episode, however, I get extremely hyper. Before anyone turns around and says I’m nuts or bipolar or whatever, let me explain. The hyperness is an emotional defensive wall; I’ve had it for a long time. I have walls that keep my emotions in, and usually venting weakens those walls to a point where I can let some of the buildup of negative emotion out. Once there is enough emotion out, however, my walls will fly back up. When I get hyper, it’s basically my mind and emotion trying to push all that negative emotion back behind the wall. It’s basically a natural protection. If I scare the crap outta you with the hyperness, I apologize in advance.