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Great the day i have been waiting on for about 7 months is about to come to pass... a crappy day it will be now a very horrible day now... the day... i fell for someone insainly and amazingly special... some one that i keep messing up with... the day mar. 7th is going to be a sad day... i hope i can cope X_X... i don't mean to do what i did and i don't mean to do what i accidentally keep doing T-T i just fail more and more... my heart beats weak an fatal... my mind twists and bends... my body grows weak as i think of "all" the things i have done to ruin my life... i ******** up with a great... insanely great friend... some one you can never replace... i also lost the best and greatest person in my life who couldn't replace his friendship and no one can replace her love ether... i have ruined the best things in my life and if i had a Time machine what i would do is not change it but just make it better because it would be wrong to change but i don't want it to end like this at least .... no one knows what it does to me no one knows how bad i grieve and no one can under stand because no one has made the same mistakes as me because i am me and i do it all my way i look how i do and i do how i do so it changes people's perspective so it ether helps or ******** up worse and i ******** up... life is a cruel thing but i gotta make it better some how and i will try and make it at least a little better... if no longer friend capable then maybe just forgiveness...