by Deadly Sex Scenes
But Mister, what do you know about the thing they call Albuurt?
ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!
For you see, I am GOD. Yes, GOD, which means that it's my fault he was conceived. What'cha gunna dew 'bout it?
Sometime between June 6th and June 26th [Likely around June 12th-16th TBH] 1990, [Ironically just after my second birthday, which explains my faulty work yes?] Two people were rolling around in the sheets most defiantly drunk as hell, so drunk they forgot to use some form of contraception. One that fateful day. Some Swedish meatballs bodily fluid entered a young naive wimminz uterus, and in some scene that could only be found in family guy. She got preggers.
So on the fateful day of February 14th 1991, the one we know as Albuurt was born. Yep.
Nothing surprising there, fairly normal. I'm sorry all your eleven year olds had to learn how babies were made through this thread. Maybe your parent's should have let you take sexual education in school.
Albuurt was always one of those weird kids, you know the ones people wanted to throw in the mud and punch their younger siblings when they saw. Likely because of his knack for over accessorizing, have YOU ever managed to cram over forty hello kitty hair clips into your hair at the same time? I think not. Well, unless your a dirty Jfag who goes by Riku. Then you could give him a run for his money.
Basically he spent a whole lot of his childhood wanting to be a trendsetter but always ended up as just someone else's posse, which internally drove him insane. Which explains the mass murder of goth kids back in 2003, and the genocide of of Swedish Jfags back in Late 2007/Early 2008.
Which is partially my fault. But that's another story.
So, anyway. After he killed off all his not friends, he met Sami. Who introduced us and then FLED THE ******** COUNTRY. Leaving me alone in a room with a Swedish f** who looked like. . . ten. However, this was cause for an absolutely strange friendship between someone so intelligent it made his brain hurt and well yeah. Swedish boy who looked ten. Let's not elaborate on intelligence level. He may beat me with hair clips and stab me with writing utensils. [In other words, he's NOT ONE BIT brilliant.]
This friendship was the cause of some of the most ridiculous things ever. PURPLE FLUFFY DUCKS OF UBER DOOM ANYONE? Those know sign language and each sign they make is full of Queen Latifa woman attitude, along with many other things I can't even remember at 2am, because it's obviously 2am.
Anyway, I wanted to wrap this up with something Albert wouldn't expect.
So here it is. Copy Pasta'd fresh out of an MSN window with the guy I live with we all know as Gabriel:
Dear: King Albuurt G.
So, I hear you're turning Eighteen on Valentines day, It's a sigh of relief to know my one true love is finally going to be legal.
We've been 'together' since sometime in the summer, I'm a man I'm bad with dates. That's your job.
I can't wait to fly to Sweden and book a large fancy hotel and let you at my long drag with your tiny inexperienced hands.
Har.
Anyway, I'm not nearly as funny as the f*****t I live with. [Fact.]
So, I just decided I needed to wish you a happy birthday, from myself and Christian who just walked by the computer.
I hope you have a great time being legal in Sweden, don't get too ******** up on the first night though, I'd hate you hear you somehow got yourself knocked up by another man.
Seeing as I'm the only rich old man you can and will ever love.
Happy Birthday once again.
Gabriel G.
PS:: If you're ever in Boston or I in Sweden and you're getting a piercing or tattoo. I'll hold your hand through the entire thing.
So, I hear you're turning Eighteen on Valentines day, It's a sigh of relief to know my one true love is finally going to be legal.
We've been 'together' since sometime in the summer, I'm a man I'm bad with dates. That's your job.
I can't wait to fly to Sweden and book a large fancy hotel and let you at my long drag with your tiny inexperienced hands.
Har.
Anyway, I'm not nearly as funny as the f*****t I live with. [Fact.]
So, I just decided I needed to wish you a happy birthday, from myself and Christian who just walked by the computer.
I hope you have a great time being legal in Sweden, don't get too ******** up on the first night though, I'd hate you hear you somehow got yourself knocked up by another man.
Seeing as I'm the only rich old man you can and will ever love.
Happy Birthday once again.
Gabriel G.
PS:: If you're ever in Boston or I in Sweden and you're getting a piercing or tattoo. I'll hold your hand through the entire thing.
And that's pretty much all you need to know.
