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Has my mind finally told and convinced my body to kill itself?
I don't know what emotiong I feel anymore. At times, I THINK I feel happy. Other times, I think I feel sad. Or maybe, is it lonely? I don't know anymore
I don't know who I am anymore
I feel angry for no reason. It's as if I was, and probably am, unconciously looking for a fight. Why? I don't even know. To prove something? I doubt it; what can I prove? How would I prove it?
I feel so sick, yet I'm not even ill... I need you. I literally need you with me. I love you. And I believe I am in love with you.
Help me, please. How? Just listen to what I say, at least, that's all. But, please, don't take anything cruel or bad I say to heart. Please.
Promise me you won't.
Am I finally dying? Is it already time to go? If it is, always keep me in your heart and your memories; remember that I always loved you and always will, no matter what. If it's not time yet, why? Why is the burden not at least taken away from me? I want it gone, but nothing. If death is the only way for it gone, then I'll gladly accept it when my time comes. I'm not resorting to suicide, that is just plain stupid but I am saying that I'll take death when he comes for me. As long as the burden is gone.
If I died because of that, would you be sad? Or would you be mad at mefor being so selfish and wanting to go so far as to welcome death at the time seeming appropriate to fear him? Either way, it's okay with me. As long as you know that I love you. Always.
I love you enough to care that I want to protect you from whatever is happening while I am deteriorating. Or am I just overdevelopping? No, as if that could ever happen. I don't want to hurt you unintentionally, even if it seems as if I meant it.
Who am I, to you...