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Although not all of these are that big of deal, some of the tips might come in handy to the gentlemen out there having problems with girls.
These tips came out of a book called The Book of Luke by Jenny O'Connell, which I stumbled across on a recent visit to the book store. It's basically about three friends who convince the protagonist, Emily Abbott, to try out tips they wrote for guys on the guy who broke one of their hearts.
Note: There will be tips missing, considering that they skip around.
This was in the prologue:
The Guy's Guide Tip #1: Forget everything you thought you knew about girls.
You don't know anything.
Now for the others:
The Guy's Guide Tip #3: Toenail clippers do not require hours of instruction, exceptional manual dexterity, or an advanced degree. They're kind of like scissors, but smaller. Use them.
The Guy's Guide Tip #9: Your *insert male reproductive organ here* will not shrivel up and die if you admit you want an umbrella instead of standing in the rain acting like a little water never killed anyone. It's an umbrella, not a purse.
The Guy's Guide Tip #9A: If you choose to ignore Tip #9, do not suggest an impromptu wet T-shirt contest--you're not funny and our life's aspiration does not include a starring role in a Girls Gone Wild video.
The Guy's Guide Tip #13: Bodily noises are not cause for high fives, chest bumps, or other forms of celebration. keep them to yourself.
The Guy's Guide Tip #14: Do not blame my tone of voice, my lack of patience, or my bad mood on PMS. It's not my period that's my problem. More likely, it's you.
The Guy's Guide Tip #18: Just because you can urinate anywhere you want doesn't mean you should--even if your aim is so good you can spell "Red Sox Rule" in capital letters without once taking a break.
The Guy's Guide Tip #22: Just because I haven't shoved every single french fry in my mouth doesn't mean I don't plan on eating them all. And it doesn't give you permission to reach over and take as many as you want. Ask me first. I'll probably say yes, but I'd at least like the opportunity to say no.
The Guy's Guide Tip #27: It's a remote control, not a symbol of your supreme power over the universe. Give us the TV remote and let us pick what we watch for once. Really, would it kill you?
The Guy's Guide Tip #30: When you wear something, wash it. And just because you can turn something inside out does not mean it doesn't count. Contrary to what you believe, there are not varying degrees of clean. There's just clean and dirty. Learn the difference.
The Guy's Guide Tip #35: Believe it or not, we don't mind paying for ourselves. So don't go through all the drama of pretending you lost your wallet somewhere or you gave your last five bucks to the Salvation Army Santa you passed on the street. We might even offer to pay for you.
The Guy's Guide Tip #38: Tossing food in the air and then catching it in your mouth is not something to be applauded. Unless you're an act at Sea World. (That isn't really that much of a problem.)
The Guy's Guide Tip #39: While we realize that air guitar doesn't require any formal training, you really should have some idea of what you're doing. Otherwise what you're doing is looking like an idiot with finger spasms.
The Guy's Guide Tip #46: People can hae nicknames. Body parts should not.
The Guy's Guide Tip #51: We all learned penmanship in kindergarten, but why hasn't your handwriting gotten any better? A little effort would be appreciated. (Wow, if I was a guy, that would apply to me >_< wink
The Guy's Guide Tip #55: Yelling during a sporting event is understandable. Yelling at the TV during a sporting event is just plain stupid. The players can't hear you. The coaches can't hear you. Do you not get that?
The Guy's Guide Tip #56: Music: just because it's loud doesn't mean it's good.
The Guy's Guide Tip #60: There are lots of things cars are good for--taking us on dates for one. But there isn't a car around that's meant to have two people making out in the backseat. That's why it's called a backseat, not a couch.
The Guy's Guide Tip #61: Don't lie. It's not worth getting caught, and, trust me, you willget caught.
The Guy's Guide Tip #67; Make a note of a few basic things early on--my hair color, how I look in a pair of jeans, the fact that I have a full set of teeth. You can remember the 1996 defensive line for the Patriots, the least you can do is remember I have blue eyes.
The Guy's Guide Tip #72: WE like surprises. But telling us you have another girlfriend doesn't count. Neither does anything else that makes us want to hit you.
The Guy's Guide Tip #77: Turning your clothes inside out does not mean they're clean. It just means we can read that your shirt should be machine washed in cold water and tumbled dry. (Kind of a reminder)
The Guy's Guide Tip #79: It's called instant replay for a reason--it should only take an instant. There's no reason to watch the same touchdown or stolen base over and over again. For days. You've seen it once, move on. (Well just for days. More than once is okay. Most of the time.)
The Guy's Guide Tip #83: Throwing a ball at somebody to test his reflexes may work when he's the captain of the baseball team. When she's the editor of the school paper, not so much.
The Guy's Guide Tip #86: Bed head is not a hair style. Show a little effort. It can go a long way.
The Guy's Guide Tip #89: It's called a cold. We've all had one. Take some DayQuil and get over it.
The Guy's Guide Tip #100: There are only two places women really wear thong-bikinis--Brazil and music videos. The last time I checked. we weren't in Rio, and you weren't the king of hip-hop.
The Guy's Guide Tip #101: It's called "the battle of the sexes" for a reason, but that doesn't mean we can't call a truce. Sometimes that's the only way to avoid casualties.
The Guy's Guide Tip #105: We're not perfect. If we can admit it, why can't you?
 Strokes of Everything · Mon Mar 02, 2009 @ 02:56am · 0 Comments |
