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one pain

Community Member
Love can be painful
Whats it like to be in love. Love is a very powerful word to say to a person that you truly care about not like “I love you” because you are a friend or a family members “we all love you”. This is different well to my point of view. Love is glass once its broken it can't ever be fix once you break its gone for good .I don't see the difference, people say “ your lucky “ or “aw you guys were made for each other or something”. Stuff people say when you are walking holding hands or being close to together all that kind of love junk .Even for young lovers like the ages 15 or older. Freshmen girls look good for boys or looking all that or something like that, you know make up ,tight jeans, shorty skirts, and tops that looks like a rag its only covering the top of their bodies. Any ways they make their self good looking well whatever they are trying do to. For myself I had experienced that kind of feelings its stared in high school. I never knew my best friend was my first love. I didn't image that it was him. I knew him since the first grade and since now I see him everyday during my life. Each day I get closer to him its like a bond between with myself and him. Each time I learn something about him about his life. He was there when I needed someone. He listen every word I said he understand me pretty well too. Any friend can do that, but he was different. In my mind was going crazy over him but since then we were just kids. Now we are much older or say young adults but still I even then I doesn't know how I feel about him he was clueless. Basically I kept my feelings lock up in my heart and I said no word about it and to no one as well not even my family they don't understand me I was childish. Like a little girl wanted to tell something over and over but no listens to the little girl voice so she kept quiet for the rest of time . Thats how I felt during my past life trying to speak out being, someone else, I wasn't myself. People want more from me but want can I do give them I ask myself why is it me that I had have to suffer all these emotional problem by myself . Some time I think I am in my own little dark world that all about me when I can hear my voice all the time . I lie so much to everyone to my family and friends I lie about me they will ask questions like “ oh Kristina how was your day!” o “is something wrong”, “are you ok ?” then I lie I will say in my happy mood “Oh am fine don't worried about me am ok” but in real life am not . Mom and dad say Kristina “how was your day” then I will say “oh same as all ways” but really I can be in a sad mood I just don't show it.
Days past by and time is running out I wanted to tell him so much . But I was scared I had so many questions I want to say but I said nothing I said no word. I was a coward I hind my self from not being hurt . I wrote so many poems about my life and my feelings its was sad to see myself breaking down. I wrote this when I was depressed one afternoon at my room. The poem was call “HIM” and it goes like this.
Him he is the only thing I think of. How his smile makes me so full of joy. I wonder how his lips taste like. Him why do I feel this way. He looks at me he makes my cheeks flush so red. So what I can say nothing. Whats love got to do with this. And when he looks back I feel like his eyes caress my heart. And I feel better but I 'll never be able to taste his lips . Only be able to think about Him.
I read some stories about other people are like me someday I wish to me those people I want to know how they went through all of this. Some of theirs stories even made me cry a little. But still he doesn't know I wish this felling ever came to me I had suffer enough. I was the in the bridge of breaking down so I call one of my girls friend and I told her what was going on with my life and she was so sad and I think if I can remember she was crying because she had no idea that I was like this. Then I ask what to do I bleed for an answer then she said in loud words “TELL HIM” then I drop my cellphone because of shock . I pick up and said “WHAT!” ARE YOU CRAZY!!” I CAN'T DO THAT!” she saying tell him. I was so nervous then I said “OK!”
“FINE I WILL!” I grab my house phone and call him. My heart was pounding so hard and fast I was so scared my face red like I ate something that it was very spicy and the house phone stop ringing and it was him. Then I heard this “Hello?” while I responded I was thinking fast. I didn't know what to say “hello its me Kristina” its stared as a normal talk like talking about our day or whats up or what have you been up to all that kind of stuff . I had my other friend that I was talking early on my cell phone I told him I be right back he said “ok” while setting my house phone aside I was talking to her saying “WHAT AM GOING TO DO!” and all she say is tell him over and over. So I came back on the other phone still talking and I felt I was going to die that day . The I made up my mind I told him . I told everything that how I felt about him then I heard a response “ I like you too Kristina” I cry . I cry in till my eyes will willing to stop but it didn't I cry because I was happy first time I love someone the first time I was me . I said “you do” he said “yes I do and lots” I was blushing so much then I told him well I guess I see you at school then ok “bye”his last “words was ok see you tomorrow bye” when I hang up I yell at my cell phone and tell the new “I DID IT I DID IT I TOLD HIM” she was very happy for me then he had to go I told her “I call tomorrow ok” then we hang up and we slept in till the next day. The next morning I waited at the spot that we normally meet and I made the first move I hold his hand he hold mine and we were together since then I wish that time had stop and we can remain like this forever but its wasn't to last. We broke up few months later I was heart broken and I remain alone since then back to my old self my heart broken no sound , fake smiles but I was still by his side and he will be at my side - the end

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