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i need a hug
its days like these that i want to be with my girl the most. ive been depressed so much today. there wasnt any one thing, the whole day was just one thing after another, my gramma and i just finished having the beloved family fight, oh joy. i dont like it here, at all. i just want someone to hold. i started writng poems after poems today, i dont write poems unless somethings seriously wrong. i havent been depressed like this in some time. see normally i just let stuff fall off my back and dont worry but i let these things get to me. i kind of feel like i wanna cry but i cant. the funny thing is when i was growing up i was known for being a crybaby. all the time i would cry cry cry. i was so sensitive up till i was 17. 17 is the hated number four me, it was the worst year of my life, it was the year i had to take carew of myself and be an adult, for some reason though i just stopped crying. and i havent cried since. i wanted to, i really did at my great grammies funeral but i couldnt. i know crying is good, i just can seem to do it, i wanna just sob till i completely drain my body of saddness, but i cant and its eating me up inside. i love my gramma dearly, i would be very heartbroken if anythng happened to her but i cant stand the way she is acting, i am trying to be sympathetic because her mother just died but its hard whenever your the reason for all the death in the world according to gramma. i really need some time apart, but i have nowhere to go, with no car or oney theres not much i could do but be homeless again, and i am seriously considering it at this point. i feel so selfish feeling this way and i know my grandmother needs me but i do not need this, not now. well ive said all about what i need to say. goodnight gaia and sleep with the angels
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