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i dont care if this is another venting entry so i really dont care what anybody thinks

but today i woke up at 4 in the morning to go to a swim meet in palm springs for invitationals

i had 4 events and im going to say that i got first place in both my individual events and i believe second and third on my other two relays.

but when i get home, well not really because my mom had to buy a case of beer

well THEN when we got home i went to my room for about an hour to relax

and right now when i went to go and ask her if she could hear the annoying kids upstairs literally running around their rooms, she was staring at an old photo book while listening to loud and obnoxious music.

'omg mom can you hear that?'

'who cares?'

'mom, dont say you cant hear them, they are literally RUNNING down the hall, i am so tired and i am getting tired of listening to this every night'

'who cares? if you have such a problem with it, lets move!'

'mom. be serious. i am not moving to san diego to go live with my aunt so you can proudly say i live with my sister.'

'who cares!'

*sigh*

and she hands the book to me (well not really she just held it in front of my face) so i tried to look more closely by holding it and she flips out.

'what, am i too stupid to hold a photo album? or are the pictures just so stupid you wanted to look at them and then throw them away?' my mom says.

'what?' O_o

she had said something with the word 'stupid' a lot so i ignored her.

but then when i was done i set them next to her and she flips out again.

'so what? you dont want the pictures? shall i throw them away? put them with the other albums? burn them?

'i dont care its up to you.'

'no im too stupid to think for my own'

i left the room.



OMG! I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN HAVE TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE THATS BIPOLAR!!!!!!

okay. my mom hates metal. she has the volume blasting listening to slipknot and music like that.

she has a beer in front of her and i can smell it from the other couch.

her eyes are bloodshot from the alcohol.

and her phone is sitting in front of her. ringing. not being answered.

wtf is her problem? wtf is MY problem?!?

i want so badly to go into that room and point to my cheek and say 'okay, free shot, right here! i WANT to start a fight!'

i want so bad for her to swing first so i can make her fall flat on her a** from all the alcohol in her bloodstream.

but who am i to be saying this? im supposed to be the sweet innocent girl thats too afraid to hurt a fly!

but yes. this is only but a small portion of how i am when i get angry. and this is the only time when i EVER get like this. but god i want to do something horrible right now!

my insides are burning from all the frustration right now, its unbelievable.

omg... i am honestly making myself dizzy from all this.

so yes. another perfectly good day for me. ruined. ruined because someone is too pathetic to savor her own brain cells.

but its REALLY confussing because she just graduated from collage to become a phlobotomist (spelling!) with a 4.0 G.P.A

thats where a lot of my anger comes from.

but i think im going to go to bed now. even though i know tomorrow will just be a continuation of tonight, i need a way to calm down.


but, this is how it works. so by for now.