Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I don't have any child hood friends. I moved around a lot when I was really young, so I lost any friends I made. When I did settle in a place for about 7 years, I was a pretty troublesome brat, so I didn't have a lot of friends. There were a few guys I used to hang out with but as I got older I couldn't stand being around people.

I kept fewer friends yet still. The friends I'd made in Junior High School, mostly I'd fallen out of contact with, another guy who lived in the same neighborhood as me would ultimately be too much of a problem to keep around years later. One guy I'd known since Elementary school stayed over for a few days around the time of my 15th birthday. I let him borrow some games and never saw him again.

I could never find a girlfriend either, they were always lying to me, disinterested, or just plain bitches. Although in some few cases it was a matter of circumstance. To bring this all to a point, I've pretty much always been alone. No matter how many people were around, I've always felt like I was by myself.

I've lived this long with a constant hope that someone would finally fix that for me. And I've always been disappointed. Left alone wondering what exactly it is that I've done to have to live with this kind of pain. And I still don't have an answer. Just more pain More pain, more hate, nothing but a growing void that keeps eating away at me. I can't keep living like this... It's getting to be too much. I really trusted her and she's caused me so much pain... It's always like this, nothing I've ever done could've been bad enough to deserve this, so... maybe I should start doing things that make it so that I do deserve what I feel... and I should say, those are pretty horrible ******** things. Why should I be the only one hurting after all?