♥ I've got a smile on my face and a [******** you attitude...
{♥I am now past my first phase of lettin go. I feel I am now one step closer to learnin how to guard my heart better. Every part of me screamed to hold on and for a while it was difficult to fully let all fingers go from the bar, but I did it.
My heart is poundin and aches just a little more because I had to make a little extra pain so I can do what is necessary, but again it is necessary. I have almost forgotten how much pain a broken heart feels, but I will make sure I don't forget this time..but at the same time I will not let myself be tortured like it had before.
Granted it is a little hard this time because I am much older and have older boys tryin to find ways to "woo" me with their enticin words..but I will not allow these boys to string me along with false hopes and lies as I have seen them before. Their words feel as sweet as honey, but have the aftertaste of clover. and I must keep a reminder of that aftertaste so I don't fall again.
I wanted to make this post (and there will be a few others for the same reason) to say it aloud, to make it not a false promise to myself..to solidify the truth that I must let go and forget what I thought was there. Once my heart stops poundin at the thought of him, once my mind stops repeatin his name in the middle of the night, once I stop yearnin to talk to him so much, once I stop feelin nauseous at tryin to forget him... I will then be another step closer and will post what I feel and make it known so I fully complete the step so I can move on further.
There is nothin between us, you have shown me that there can be happiness, but not for us love is for the strong and that I am not strong enough for you. I am sorry for wastin some of your life to be with me and no longer wish to waste anymore of your time. As much as it burns my throat to think it, I will not allow myself to love you again♥}
... because from this day forward I'm livin my life for myself. ♥
