I was walking from CVS today and I decided to cut through the elementary
school grounds near my house.
I remember that the sky was very cloudy and it seemed like it was going to rain
(I brought my umbrella just in case it did) but it never rained thankfully.
For some reason .. I stopped right in the middle of the huge field in the back of the school, and for no reason at all, I looked at the sky.
The huge
Vast
Cloudy
Dim
Sky above me and my tiny self.
Now the strange thing was, was that the wasn't really beautiful or peaceful or anything else that made it particularly noticable at the time.
It was just the sky
The same sky that had been protecting this earth since the day it was born,
it was sort of the like the older sibling of pair of twins.
... When I just stood there watching the sky I thought about all sorts of things
will humans ever fly with wings on their backs through the sky?
Will the real answer to life ever truly exist, let alone show itself?
Will I ever ... stop?
Now most of you are probably thinking at this point, "what does she mean by stop"?
What I mean is ... stop running from my darkness? Being afraid all of the time, crying when I don't even need to, being scared of the world, ... finally find what can truly save me?
Or will I not?
In the end even though these are very heavy things I have a feeling I will, someday, over time and hard work.
Hard work is half the reason I don't believe in talent, because the word talent ... or what talent is just seems so limiting to me.
but ... that is another topic I suppose.
Anyways in the end what I meant to say was,
I felt very lonely looking up at the sky
I felt scared, lost, nervous, depressed, and lonely ... all at the same time.
And I felt a wave crashing over me, one from which I don't think I have quite resurfaced yet ...
I think I actually ran most of the way home, because I wanted to outrun those feelings, and maybe instead of going and hiding I could just run home instead.
but I couldn't and I know that now .. maybe I always have, and like most things I just had to learn to accept it.
but the thing that I found the most strange
the most unusual
the most curious
was when these things that fear the most
all came forth when I looked at the think I loved the most.
The Sky
school grounds near my house.
I remember that the sky was very cloudy and it seemed like it was going to rain
(I brought my umbrella just in case it did) but it never rained thankfully.
For some reason .. I stopped right in the middle of the huge field in the back of the school, and for no reason at all, I looked at the sky.
The huge
Vast
Cloudy
Dim
Sky above me and my tiny self.
Now the strange thing was, was that the wasn't really beautiful or peaceful or anything else that made it particularly noticable at the time.
It was just the sky
The same sky that had been protecting this earth since the day it was born,
it was sort of the like the older sibling of pair of twins.
... When I just stood there watching the sky I thought about all sorts of things
will humans ever fly with wings on their backs through the sky?
Will the real answer to life ever truly exist, let alone show itself?
Will I ever ... stop?
Now most of you are probably thinking at this point, "what does she mean by stop"?
What I mean is ... stop running from my darkness? Being afraid all of the time, crying when I don't even need to, being scared of the world, ... finally find what can truly save me?
Or will I not?
In the end even though these are very heavy things I have a feeling I will, someday, over time and hard work.
Hard work is half the reason I don't believe in talent, because the word talent ... or what talent is just seems so limiting to me.
but ... that is another topic I suppose.
Anyways in the end what I meant to say was,
I felt very lonely looking up at the sky
I felt scared, lost, nervous, depressed, and lonely ... all at the same time.
And I felt a wave crashing over me, one from which I don't think I have quite resurfaced yet ...
I think I actually ran most of the way home, because I wanted to outrun those feelings, and maybe instead of going and hiding I could just run home instead.
but I couldn't and I know that now .. maybe I always have, and like most things I just had to learn to accept it.
but the thing that I found the most strange
the most unusual
the most curious
was when these things that fear the most
all came forth when I looked at the think I loved the most.
The Sky
I just wanted you to know I care!
