I can picture/write/think/draw 1 million ways to die but nothing comes even close to the real thing. Today was a ******** day. (******** up/sucky) More as days pass by its getting harder to tell myself no to suicide. I keep begging/ prayiong to God for him to kill me for him to take me away. Sadly he just wont do it. April is almost imbearable to hold on to anymore. Im fading, falling and im running out of reasons to live. This was supposed to be my bday eve. But all people can do is complain and b***h and be rude. Wtf? GET OVER IT. Why must I live? Why cant I just go through with it and save me the misery. Honestly, WHY THE ******** AM I HERE? I honestly want to die and if I could hire a hitman I ******** would. Life doesnt seem disirable to me at all. If i could give it bad I proudly would. If I could have tangled my imblicial cord inside her stomache I would have. I would have NEVER wished for a ******** life. Especially one as low as this. The only one person I can complain to and that understands will eventually run out of listening to my crying. I honestly HATE LIFE and the LIVING that comes with it. Like serious I REALLY didnt ask for this. I wish I could GIVE the suffering young my life and take theirs. I just cant wait to die. Itll be the happiest DAY of my life. I've stopped talking to God I mostly curse him now. I've become so bitter inside.
Wow, its 12:02 am June 14th 2009, 21 years ago I was born on this day. And now, I'm crying. She threw my skates at my door and said "Happy birthday b***h." I bet she never said anything that cruel to Ellis. "Now hes too ******** fragile." Maybe I should kill myspelf today. That would be great. If i do end up drinking I hope to get alchol poisoning. It just seems holding on to April isnt worth it anymore. I just want to give myself up why not? Theres no life for me. Tonight will be a night I pray to God again since I havent done it in weeks/months. If this "god " does exist I hope he hears me. I hope he answers my prayer and take me out of this cruel hopeless world. I just cant take it anymore. Happy ******** Birthday Adrienne. Here's my birthday wish.
Wow, its 12:02 am June 14th 2009, 21 years ago I was born on this day. And now, I'm crying. She threw my skates at my door and said "Happy birthday b***h." I bet she never said anything that cruel to Ellis. "Now hes too ******** fragile." Maybe I should kill myspelf today. That would be great. If i do end up drinking I hope to get alchol poisoning. It just seems holding on to April isnt worth it anymore. I just want to give myself up why not? Theres no life for me. Tonight will be a night I pray to God again since I havent done it in weeks/months. If this "god " does exist I hope he hears me. I hope he answers my prayer and take me out of this cruel hopeless world. I just cant take it anymore. Happy ******** Birthday Adrienne. Here's my birthday wish.
