Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

NOTE: I do not own Gackt, or Hyde, or anyone in this. I do not own the song I used for this. Its a translation to “Nine Spiral” which belongs to Gackt. Also, this story is a little on the dark side, so if you don't like things like that, don't read it. Its my first fanfic, so I'm not expecting it to be the greatest anyways.

Chapter 1: Regret

The thing that appeared in front of my eyes vanished
The voice that cut my dreams to pieces
In this world full of lies
Tease me... Break me...

Pain. Excruciating pain. That's all I could feel upon coming to consciousness. My head felt like a thousand bombs were exploding one by one inside. My jaw throbbed with a slowly diminishing pain. My entire body ached all over. The only bit of relief was the cool hardwood floor beneath me. I finally opened my eyes, only to be greeted by darkness. Slowly, my eyes adjusted and I could make out vague silhouettes around me. What looked to be a couch with...my clothes on it. A small glass coffee table in front of it. A flashback hit me.
Walking into Hyde's house with him, laughing. Joking. Two lovers spending a quiet night alone when the wife and son were away.Then, the wine at the couch. The fierce look in Hyde's eyes as he pulled me closer, arms going around me. Then......nothing.
I heard the soft click as the front door opened and closed again. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and licked my suddenly dry lips. A metallic taste filled my mouth. Blood? Why would blood be on my bottom lip? Soft footsteps drew closer and stopped behind me. I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose softly. Lavender, with a hint of Vanilla. Hyde's body wash. I smiled. Hyde would tell me what was going on. The sound of a sack hitting the floor, the contents spilling out. I opened my mouth to say something when he forced me forward, back onto the floor. Pain surged through me all over again. I groaned softly and Hyde responded with a satisfied 'hmph.' I felt another blow- most likely from a foot- land on my back.
“Hideto...” I gasped as a fresh wave of pain filled me.
“I'm sorry, Gakuto. Are you feeling some discomfort?” Hyde's voice came off as sharp and mocking.
I pushed up on the floor with my hands, trying to get up and get away. This new Hyde was starting to scare me. Hyde's hands slammed into my back, once more forcing me to the floor. My face hit the floor, spurring my jaw to burst into a raging ache.
“Hyde, what is......wrong with you”? I stammered fearfully.
“Megumi...isn't... on vacation. She left me. She...left. Took our son. Because of you, Gacchan. She was...infatuated with you. When I was out of town, she went out, just so happened to see you at the same place. But, she chickened out on talking to you because she saw you with...a guy. Now, she never knew about us. Still doesn't. But that didn't matter, did it? She left me...because she was in love with you. Seeing you actually with someone...she couldn't do it...and left Japan. You, who claimed to love me, being with none other than ******** fruit like Miyavi while...I...was out of town.”
Hyde walked over to the couch and sat down. He ran a shaky hand through his beautiful dark hair. Hell, his whole body was shaking. Guilt washed through me, as I could fully remember the night he was talking about. And it was indeed how it seemed. It was just...how I was. I looked down guiltily at the hardwood floor. I felt tears sting my eyes. What I did that night was wrong and Hyde didn't even know the half of it.
“Hyde, I...I'm sorry. I went out drinking. We just so happened to meet up. The first night, we just talked. Each night, we met up and things escalated...until...” I stopped, biting my bottom lip.
Pain surged in my lip from biting it. I winced as the split reopened and blood trickled into my mouth. On any other occasion, I'd fight back. But it was Hyde. I just... couldn't hurt him any more than I already had. Hyde stood up and something flashed in his eyes. I wasn't sure if that something was anger, jealousy, or something else entirely. I swallowed softly and he crouched down in front of me. His arms rested on his thighs, hands dangling in the space between. He was staring at me intently, so I looked up at him, eyes filled with regret. His lips twitched briefly in mild amusement.
“Things...escalated...until...what?” Hyde's voice was an octave higher than usual.
I didn't answer. I just averted my gaze as my throat stopped up any words trying to escape. The image of Miyavi as I claimed him as my lover for the night flashed in my mind. Hyde stood up and paced behind me. I knew my face betrayed me. It had told him what I was too afraid to say.
“I...I can't believe you, Gackt-sama. I don't even know what's fair to do to you. If I left you, it wouldn't matter. You would go about your daily life: look pretty for your DEARS, screw another band-mate, don't care who you hurt. You have your back-ups in case I leave.” Hyde sounded near panic.
“That's not true. You, I care for. I've...never felt this way befo-”
“Kami! You loved Kami! Not me, not anyone else! Once Kami died, your heart went with him!” Hyde interrupted, practically shouting it.
That hurt. It was true that I had loved Kami, but he was my past...and he was gone. Besides, what I felt with Hyde was more than that. I was astonished to hear that Hyde thought I only ever loved Kami. I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing would come out. Hyde must have taken that as a confession.
“Oh, this is great. You...you lie to about love. You [******** Miyavi. And you don't even have the balls to say it. You make me figure it out!” Hyde's voice had gone down to a sharp mutter.
I heard the sounds of the plastic bag rustling and staples being ripped from some fabric. Then, a cloth was being tied around my mouth, a section of it forced in my mouth. More panic seeped into my system. Oh dear god, what was he about to do? I felt Hyde lean over me and almost wanted to arch into the warmth of his body. His breath tickled my ear as he whispered.
“I'm sorry, Gacchan. I really am. This is the only way you'll learn. I can't bear to hear anything more from you and possibly end up feeling guilty about this later.” Hyde's voice was calm and sounding normal again.
Now, I'll admit, I've always been the one to claim a lover. I had never been claimed. By the time I realized what Hyde was planning, it was too late to stop him. Hyde claimed me not once or twice, but three times throughout the night. Each time, I felt more of Hyde's anger dissipate. And each time, I'll admit: I cried. I'm unsure if it was the pain that made me cry or simply the fact that this was happening to me.
At some point, Hyde left and I cried myself to sleep. I don't know how long I slept but when I awoke, it was light out and Hyde was on the couch. He was watching me with something akin to pain flickering through his eyes. Was Hyde guilty for his actions or was it that knowing pain of a lover's betrayal? I stood up on unsteady legs and pain surged up everywhere. I grew light-headed, swaying briefly.
To my utter astonishment, Hyde got up and eased me onto the couch. He sat next to me, eyes downcast and expressionless. I wanted to say something...anything...to lift the unbearable weight from my shoulders and break the disconcerting silence. I silently prayed for a way to ease Hyde's tension. To heal the wound I inflicted on him.
“Miyavi called. He wanted to know if you were still going to the photoshoot today. I reassured him that you'd be there.” Except for the malice said with Miyavi's name, Hyde sounded amused. “You'd better hurry, Gacchan. Don't want to keep him waiting.”
I felt a coldness sweep over me. Now Hyde was just mocking me. I grabbed my clothes from the couch and stood up to dress. I put on my brown leather pants and the pale blue dress shirt. I slowly made my way over to a mirror on the wall. My reddish brown hair was definitely too long and way overdue for a cut. I pulled most of it into a low ponytail, but left a strip of bangs in my face. Then I examined the rest of me and cringed. My bottom lip was swollen and split, and a huge light bruise was quite visible on my right cheek. I was almost certain I had similar cuts and bruises on my body, yet couldn't remember how I received them. Just what all had happened last night?
“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. All these disfiguring marks on your pretty body. Such a shame. I am sorry, Gaku-sama, but it was the only way.” Hyde said softly.
He tried brushing the hair out of my face but I pulled away. Without another word, I stalked out to my car and headed for the Shoxx Magazine photoshoot. I smiled gently. Miyavi had done a lot to get me in so I at least owed it to him to be there. Smiling made my jaw hurt and moving made pretty much everything else hurt, too. I groaned softly and just kept driving...


Note: So, that's the end of chapter one. Please tell me what you think, but don't be TOO harsh.