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<Joule> I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.



<daveemt>: talk
<JoePike>: mmmmmffffgghhhhrrrrruuuuuggggg
<daveemt>: WTF was that?
<JoePike>: I dunno. A copy of Hellen Kellers Twitter post?
<daveemt>: jesus
<JoePike>: Yeah, hell will be warm



<a_passerby> vmware should really sell t-shirts
<a_passerby> they could call it vmwear



<War> what's a spectral wolf?
<Herr_apa> It's the Fourier transform of a regular wolf, duh



<@max> I wonder if uniball has ever thought of getting lance armstrong to sponsor their pens



* polykurt gets pissed off when seemingly simple programs have lots of dependencies on other packages. People are taught to worship the concept of software reuse, but they take it too far. I should write a C library called libtruncate. Every time somebody needs to truncate an array, they will feel obligated to use my library instead of writing five lines of their own code to do the job. And I will make libtruncate depend on Gnome _and_ KDE _and_ JA



<amb> let's make a coloring book
<amb> and then sue kids for unauthorized derivative works



<GoldyOrNugget> who would bother decompiling windows
<GoldyOrNugget> thats like breaking in to a top secret company to steal a mop



<@baka> anyone here ever eaten sushi off a naked woman?
<Sloshed> no thanks
<@baka> i'm intrigued
<@Sadrak> I'd volunteer to do the dishes



<Neo> so you know those peta campaigns, "I'd rather go naked than wear fur"?
<Neo> it's a pretty horrible idea when you think about it
<Neo> "stop eating animals or we'll keep showing you pics of hot chicks all naked like"
<Neo> yeah, brillant plan there guys



linkraceist: my printer is being rather communist atm
necrokiss: lol, how so?
linkraceist: in theory, there is nothing wrong with it
linkraceist: but when i try to use it, everything goes wrong



lizbunny11: actually, i respect microsoft developers
lizbunny11: it's hard to have your head up your a** and your nose in the air at the same time



killjay: Most embarassing internet moment?
killjay: Unknowingly cyber with a dude?
lemonlimeskull: Nope.
killjay: Knowingly cyber with a dude?
lemonlimeskull: Not as such.
lemonlimeskull: Though when I was a kid, I did try to run an ASCII image of a naked chick through a text-to-speech program, set to female voice.
lemonlimeskull: When she got to "colon colon colon period colon colon colon period period" the moment was gone.



Mafafa: IF EVERYONE JUMPED OFF A CLIFF WOULD YOU DO IT TOO?
Ironikx: If everyone jumped off a cliff, I'd go to the bottom and steal whatever was in their pockets.



<echeese> Women are shitty programmers because they are emotional and irrational.
<echeese> Man: My program won't work, I must have written it incorrectly.
<echeese> Woman: My program won't work, the computer must hate me. Let's go shopping.



[Oni] ********!
[Oni] I'm just about out of black ink
[Krypton] printer?
[Oni] No, the type I disperse to run from predators.



SeanieG123: So the other day i was hangin out with some friends and i told them about this dream i had.
SeanieG123: It was a weird dream, and they all agreed and told me there was something wrong with me.
SeanieG123: Anyway, so then my black friend, brandyn, looks at me funny.
SeanieG123: So jokingly, I say to him, "what's wrong? don't you dream when you sleep?"
SeanieG123: He looks at me dead in the eye and says, "hell naw! last ***** who had a dream got shot!"



<RST38h> When I bought 14.4kbd modem, TELNET and FTP became so lightning fast...
<jaem> what sort of lightning do you have where you live, then?
<lcuk> the sort that used to buffer before striking



<Shift_Wreck> OMG guys you gotta hear this
<Shift_Wreck> So i goes to the grocery store to pick up smokes and a frozen pizza.
<Shift_Wreck> I get my things and head to the 12 items or less line.
<Shift_Wreck> i get in line just as the guy in front of me is setting his items down on the conveyor belt thing
<Shift_Wreck> his items were: get this
<Shift_Wreck> a box of condoms, a medium sized cucumber, a tub of margarine and a 12 pack of beer
<Shift_Wreck> I imediatly am thinking "lolwut?"
<Shift_Wreck> well i couldnt help but make that reverse nasal snort sound you make when your trying to keep from laughing.
<Shift_Wreck> well i couldnt help but make that reverse nasal snort sound you make when your trying to keep from laughing.
<Shift_Wreck> oops
<Shift_Wreck> the guy and cashere must have heard it because they both turn to look at me
<Shift_Wreck> im grinning from ear to ear now and my eyes are darting from the guys face and the items he had on the belt
<Shift_Wreck> i catch the casheirs eye and i look at her and shes looking at me like 0_0 and shaking her head "no dont!"
<Shift_Wreck> this all was a few seconds but it felt like an eternity...
<Shift_Wreck> well i finaly says to myself: "shift, youve gone this far, may as well say something"
<Shift_Wreck> so i say to the guy (still with this huge grin) "going to a party?"
<Shift_Wreck> The girl just loses it and starts laughing
<Shift_Wreck> the guy just scowls at me
<Shift_Wreck> looks to the girl
<Shift_Wreck> and walks away leaving his items there at the checkout
<Shift_Wreck> it was kinda awkward
<Shift_Wreck> pizzas good though



thompson: The best engine in the world is the v****a, it takes any size piston, its self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks does its own oil change. It's just a pity the management system is so ******** temperamental.



<Richard> are muslim clerics sort of like... the pundits and talk radio hosts of Arabia?
<Richard> I think this may be the case
<Richard> they are like Rush Limbaugh with beards



<+FHC_> why is it guns are legal in america but a school shooter will miss most of his targets, but guns illegal in germany and the ******** hit everything they aim at
<@Sauce> american kids know how to strafe



<Stormscape> If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.



<msngchmbl> OH MY GOD
<piardog> ?
<msngchmbl> I JUST DROPPED MY XANAX INTO MY BAG OF LUCKY CHARMS
<msngchmbl> ********
<msngchmbl> IT'S THE SAME COLOR AS THE ******** SHOOTING STARS
<piardog> it will be even more magically delicious now



<&Sir_Jesus> torrents are made of communism
<&Sir_Jesus> from each according to his upload speed, to each according to his download speed



<Lawlet> Blade
<Lawlet> Take +c off
<@Blade_Serpent> What are you going to DO if I take it off
<Lawlet> Wait until no one's looking, then subject your eyes to the text equivelant of a old man vomiting lucky charms & crayola everywhere, BLade.
<T> That script should need two keys at opposite ends of the room and Congressional authorization.



<LivingScarecrow> you want to emulate a chatroom irl? go to a highschool chess club and pass out guns and meth



<+Lekon> Oddly enough in fable 2 I AM queerbait somehow
<+Lekon> All the gay guys in bowerstone are trying to marry my guy
<+HereticMachine> Sent.
<+Lekon> Its a Halo above my head, not a steering wheel for my mouth bastards.



<PacMan85> fresh fl strawberries
<jedrek> strawberries aren't in season here yet
<PacMan85> well that sucks
<jedrek> not really
<jedrek> i prefer waiting a bit to living in america's hospice



<@jamesG> You know those naruto headbands some people actually wear?
<@jamesG> I remember someone refering to them as "p***y Deflectors"
<@jamesG> I laughed until I saw a female wearing one...



<Alucard> is the reason r2-d2 beeps so much because someone ******** up the alsa drivers?



Nyoronyoden says:so yeah...I bought a fairly expensive class ring
Nyoronyoden says:but I realized I hate wearing rings
Nyoronyoden says:so I wear it on my necklace
Nyoronyoden says:...a friend of mine said "Dude, you're ******** gangster. Even your jewelry is wearing jewelry"



<Dr_Memory> I think there's a real argument to be made here that using RAID for home data storage is putting effort into the wrong end of the problem.
<Dr_Memory> when you can buy 2TB disks off the shelf, it's probably substantially simpler to just buy two of them, set up a good backup system, and reap the day-to-day simplicity benefits of one controller -> one disk -> one filesystem.
<Dr_Memory> or to put it another way: your kitten photos do not need the same high-availabity system infrastructure as Citibank's transaction databases smile
<topaz> I CAN HAS FIEV NIENS?



<Rav|Work> anyone want to write up a throttling FAQ for my company..
<Whisper> "Take your hands and put them either side of the b***h's throat. Shake like hell."
<Lummy> Whisper wins.
<Gatzby> agreed.
<Rav|Work> lol


<RAD_ED> ...
<RAD_ED> their making a REAL obama coin
<RAD_ED> it looks retarded
<Shark500> is it made of chocolate?
<RAD_ED> lol



xou: What's MMA?
syL: Mixed martial arts...basically grown men dryhumping in missonary position



<jax> I think the thing I've been most ashamed of doing with my p***s
<jax> was trying to see if I could register it as a fingerprint on my laptops fingerprint scanner
<jax> JUST so I could login with a p***s print
<jax> it didn't work sad



<nframe> havent been to work in forever :p
<nframe> hope I remember how it goes around here.
<aaronitis> just like riding a bike, man
<trilliongrams> ^ bring your kneepads. It will hurt a lot less.



Helrich: so i was at the diner this morning, and i was really hungry.
Helrich: i got a big plate of scrambled eggs and started eating them super fast
Helrich: when i stopped to breathe, half the plate was gone and i shouted DOMINATING!!!
Helrich: everyone in the diner stopped what they were doing and stared at me for along time until someone from across the room shouted HUMILIATION!!!
Helrich: I gotta stop playing Quake.


<Garou> ok, I need hot sandwich ideas
<Garou> I got Ruben/Buffalo Chicken Burger/Meatball
<West> chicken ranch
<Rail> philly cheesesteak
<Garou> hrm philly cheesesteak
<Garou> good one, I'll put that one down
<Shinji> Garou: Larry King, Oprah, John Goodman.
<Garou> Those are Sandwichs?
<Shinji> No, it's a sandwich.
<Shinji> And boy, is it a hot one.
<Garou> facepalm.



Enetheru: Freud... he'd have a ball with that.
Enetheru: Man, I wish he was still alive.
Enetheru: "Hey Freud, I want to introduce you to 4chan."
Enetheru: "Say Hi, 4chan."
Fizzkittens: Argh!
Enetheru: Freud wouldn't be able to do enough coke to keep up.



<@Xenon> You know what the best feeling in the world is?
<@Xenon> It is when you have a headache, and you take pills, and you can feel the pain becoming less and less every couple of minutes
<@Xenon> It's so satisfying
<@malevolence> you've clearly never been laid



PROTOtype2k6: Hey Fel you know the difference between Michael phelps and Hitler?
Felathan: no clue proto.
PROTOtype2k6: At least Michael Phelps could finish a race.


%^tiNee^ takes aubz credit card and slides it between aubz's butt cheeks
[%^tiNee^] *denied*
[&goat] what do you mean denied
[&goat] aubz' a** takes everything



chupathingy: When in Rome, nail a deity to a piece of wood


<johno> yeh not alot just finished cleaning and doin laundry.
<jess> hahaha ok
<johno> yuh
<johno> theres no women around for me to yell at them to do it so i have to be the last resort
<johno> i yell at myself to do it
<johno> hit myself around the room
<johno> then start sobbing as i mop the floor with my bloodied hair
<jess> wtf seriously who the ******** are you
<jess> thats ******** up who says that s**t
<johno> yeah good point the blood WOULD make the floor worse.
<johno> thanks.
quit: johno (teaching that b***h how to clean properly)



jessejames: i love pooping
jessejames: it is so relaxing
CutiePieNerd: your so strange
jessejames: no like all guys like pooping
CutiePieNerd: haha
jessejames: it like theonly time we can relax without being nagged by the women
jessejames: cuz they are all afraid of poop


<Hitchhiker> Gotta catch 'em all!
<ManInBlack> STDs!
<marik7772003> gonorrhea, i choose you
<ManInBlack> GO GET 'EM, HIV!
<Hitchhiker> Herpes, fire attack!
<ManInBlack> HIV IS EVOLVING
<ManInBlack> CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR HIV HAS BECOME AIDS!



<Ndi> i have a local lan at work
<Ndi> and it has a nat
<Ndi> and it nats to the net
<Ndi> and the net is at home
<Ndi> and I have a vpm that vpns over the net to the lan at work which is natted
<Ndi> and I have a VM here that has the ability to NAT into my real home lan
<Ndi> that can be output to the net
<Ndi> so I defined the NAT there
<Ndi> so then I have access to work
<Ndi> so the packet, you see, from 192.168.88.3 to 192.168.3.22 is output, and then gets routed to 192.168.88.2, then 88.1, then my IP, then to my gateway, then net, then the work gateway then to the VPN device, then to the local gateway, then to the target pc.
<Ndi> i wonder if I can get tech support for this.


Dun fck wit meh: when muslim women come to my door i talk to them through the mail slot, see how they like it