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Okay. my longest story yet.
And probably one of my saddest
I love this one so far, and I almost cried myself.
This is over 2o pages long so.... It's pretty long.
I'll keep adding to this. But I love it.
I'm trying to get a better name than "Do you RUN?" (yes. it does have special meaning) But Idk what to do yet
This is all by Me.
So don't steal it... I'll have to eat you.
:B
CHAPTER 1
“Brittney! Briiiitttnnnneeeeyyyyy!” Someone pounded on the bathroom door. “Hurry up! I need to peeeeee!!!” Someone, probably Sidney, wailed from outside the bathroom door.
“Hold it then.” I yelled back. I tied my red bandana around my forehead, pulling my black hair over it.
“I’m going to wet my pants!” She yelled, starting to cry. Little kids have that ability, act all innocent and cute, crying and such. So annoying.
I sighed and stepped out “Go.” I growled.
Shed sped in and closed the door, and I heard the lock click. I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. “ I’m out of here.” I yelled as I pounded down the stairs.
“Britt, don’t you want any breakfast?” My foster sister, Mandy, asked me as I came down the stairs.
“No, like I’ve said all the time you’ve known me, and don’t call me Britt.” I sped out the door, ignoring her remark.
I picked up my bike and hopped on. Yes, unlike most 15 and 16 year-olds I didn’t drive, pathetic I know, we didn’t even own a family car, anyways. I’m surprised we have a TV.
I got to school and locked up my bike, I saw my friends sitting on the steps, Heather was smoking, as usual. “Your late.” She smirked, blowing smoke out of her nose.
“Yeah, Sidney pulled all my papers out of my backpack and got into my clothes again, you are so lucky you’re an only child Fay.” I said, addressing my other friend who had just came out of the school.
“Ch. It just means your parents wanna know you’re schedule like you carry around a day planner.”
“Pfft. My parents are never home, and I’m pretty much an only child.” We laughed at Heather’s remark.
Her parents were pretty screwed up, her dad was doing time, and her mom was a drug dealer. As long as she didn’t interfere with any of her sales, her mom let her and her older brother, Keith, do whatever.
I twirled my ring around on my finger, staring out into space. I wondered what it would be like to have Heather or Fay’s life. Have your parents always wanting to know what you were doing, or not really there at all. Heck, I wondered what it was like to have real parents on a regular basis.
My family was pretty crapped up as well, my dad had killed himself after robbing a convenient store with a buddy. After he figured out that they knew where he was, he chose the stupidest way out. My mom had died of fever shortly after I was born, so I didn’t really have a good relationship with any of my parents.
After my dad… went... I was shipped off to a foster home, which is where I’m at now. My ‘family’ was Sidney, age 6, Mandy, age 17 ½, and me, of age 15, 16 in a few weeks. My foster mom was an alcoholic, and was usually acting stupid or screaming at us. My foster dad was abusive. I know it sounds weird to say, but while my mom screamed at us, he was usually shaking us or hitting.
Lucky little Sidney didn’t get this kind of abuse because “she didn’t know any better” It was mostly Mandy and I.
It actually makes you wonder how people like this get to be foster parents. I mean, should have someone known that Missy was the town drunk? And that Ben had quite the temper? It’s stupid
“Earth to Britt. Earth to Mars, Earth to Mars, do you read me?” Heather asked, waving her hand in front of my face.
“Oh, sorry I kind of spaced, what’d you say?” I asked, snapping back to attention.
“I asked if you wanted to ditch today. There’s this collage party up north, that is if your little bike can take it.” She laughed, dropping her cigarette and smashing it with the heel of her boot.
“Sure, you in Fay?” I asked, turning to her.
“’Course. I didn’t get my report done anyways.” She shrugged standing up.
“We had a report due?” Heather asked, pulling out her cell phone.
“You would know if you paid any attention Heather, good gracious. So who’s all coming?” I asked, rolling my eyes at Heather.
“Looks like…. Matt and..” She groaned.
“Who?” Fay and I asked at the same time, leaning in to see the text, and then we both groaned. “Are you serious? Why is Kevin coming?”
Kevin was nice enough, but not really the kind of person you want to be hanging with. He’s slightly nerdy and, even though he’s in some sports, weak.
“Probably ‘cause he’ll turn us into the principal or something.” Fay said, chewing on her gum.
“Who cares if we get sent to the principal?” Heather shrugged, pocketing her phone. “I mean seriously, at least we’re not doling out dope like half the kids in the screwed up town.”
“I care, crud if I get in trouble one more time, I’m mincemeat.” I said, starting to rethink this whole thing. “Maybe we shouldn’t skip. I mean, what if her turns us in anyways?” I asked, biting on my lip.
“He won’t if he knows what’s good for him.” Heather snarled, cracking her knuckles.
“Shush, here he comes.” Fay said, waving us to be quiet as Matt, Kevin, and Tim came out.
“Hey hey Timmy my boy. Joining the part-ay?” I laughed, but I was actually surprised he was coming. Tim wasn’t a big partygoer during the school hours, just because that’s usually when cops are busting.
“Are we going to sit here or go?” Matt asked, draping his arm around Heather’s shoulders. They were a total couple.
“Go, of course. I’ve got my keys, unless you’d like to drive Britt.” She asked, dangling her keys in the air, laughing.
“Oh just come on.” I said, shoving her playfully and heading towards her car.
Tim caught up with me. He was one of the only people who knew, and cared, about my little problems. “You sure you’re not going to get caught? You can always go back.” He suggested.
I shook my head. “I don’t care if I get caught, Ben and Missy won’t do anything with other people around.” I shrugged. “So they can come all they want.”
“No. I meant by the cops.” Tim said, shaking his black hair out of his eyes. “You will get in serious trouble then. I’ll be driving, so if you want to go back, just tell me okay?”
“You don’t need to look out for me Tim, alright? I’ll be fine.” I said, actually astounded that he made the offer.
“I worry about you.” He whispered, turning and heading towards his own car.
Heather, Fay, and I got in Heather’s car. “I see love blossoming there bay-bay.” Heather laughed, pulling out of the parking lot.
“Yeah, I soooo saw a kiss coming there.” Fay said from the back seat, laughing.
“Oh shut up, we’re just friends. Just because you and Matt are all together doesn’t mean that I have to be with Tim. He’s nice, but he’s not my type.”
“Oh yeah,” Heather said, rolling her eyes. “Let’s go with that. Even though they look almost exact, he’s not her type.”
“Oh come on!” Fay laughed.
“He probably doesn’t even like me!”
“Oh yeah, and this car doesn’t have four wheels.” Fay snorted. “He digs you chick!”
I cranked up the radio, drowning them out
“Addmitance!” Heather yelled over the radio, laughing. She high-fived Fay and they shared a wink. I just shook my head.
CHAPTER 2
I could hear the music from down the street, maybe Tim was right, I should sit this one out. But somehow I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
It was like… You get nervous before a big run or something, and want to back out, but after you see that starting line, all the people there, you’re pumped. You’re in it to win it, or whatever stupid catchphrase they come up with nowadays.
I was in this party to just chill, get away from home, and there was nothing anybody was going to do about it. Even Tim.
Matt and Heather immediately disappeared, probably to find a room or some beer. I found myself just being pushed around, ending up at the coolers. I pulled out the first thing my hand touched as I reached in, my way of saying, that was the only thing I could find, and pulled out a beer.
Alright, I had had beer before, but I hadn’t lost control or anything, I always made sure of that. So what was there to lose? It’s not like anybody would know. Today was different, I could feel it in my bones. I felt frustrated at Heather’s constant taunts, Tim’s constant watching over me. I wish I could just be like everyone else and enjoy the party, no cares in the world. Which was what I did, only I couldn’t really tell.
I just danced with the people, letting myself just flow with the music. This is about as much fun as it could get in my screwed up life, I thought as I drank more beer. And I let myself lose to the beast.
I woke up… in the car. I still had all my clothes on, thank goodness, but I realized I wasn’t at the party anymore, and I had a pounding headache. “You are so stupid. Getting drunk like that, what were you thinking? You are so lucky I bailed you out of there; you know Heather and the others are probably in jail right now. The cops busted that party Britt.” Tim said, his face twisted in anger.
I actually felt myself start to cry, what HAD I done? But I felt nauseous. I opened the side door and hurled in somebody’s yard. Sure, I felt bad for the yard, but it was their fault… or was it mine?
“You don’t feel a thing do you?” He asked, as I hung outside the car, limp like a stalk of celery. “You’re so selfish!”
“You think I don’t care?!” I started to yell, lifting my head to look at him, wiping my mouth with the back of my sleeve. Who cared if it smelled? “Well I do. I’m thinking about how much trouble they’re gonna get in, and how much trouble we all being in. I feel like someone just poured ufo juice down my throat, so if you could give me a gosh darn minute and CHILL OUT, that would be WONDERFUL.” I screamed, feeling hot. I rolled up my sleeves and pulled off my bandana. Big mistake.
Maybe I still wasn’t all in control of my head, cause that was the most idiotic thing I had probably done in my entire life.
“Oh my word Britt.” Tim breathed.
That’s when I started to cry.
In my harsh lifestyle I had picked up a few bad habits, like cutting myself. I limited myself to when I felt like I couldn’t breath, like I was going to suffocate, or run away. I think cutting was the only thing that really kept me in this town. But I limited myself, because I knew how addicting it could be.
My bandana hid how I was pulling out my hair. If I couldn’t go into the bathroom to cut, I would start to scream or cry, lace my hands through my hair, and just tug on it. It was only around the bottom edges now, so I was able to hide it with my bandana.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone? I knew it was bad at home, but not this bad! You should have told me, or anybody , I would understand.”
“No you wouldn’t Tim! You don’t understand anything! Your family loves you. Heck it’s your real family. Just drive me home, please. I just wanna go home.” I clutched my stomach, feeling close to puking again.
“Can you make it to a gas station?” He asked franticly.
I shook my head. I opened the door and ran into the house, Still not having my bandana on. “Bathroom!” I gurgled to the woman that came out. Looking at me like I was nuts. She just pointed.
I darted in and clutched onto the toilet, feeling worse than crud on someone’s shoe. Why had I ever gotten drunk?
Tim came in and massaged my back. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay, we’ll get through this Britt.”
“You okay?” He whispered as I stood back up. He handed me a napkin to whipe my face and blow my runny nose.
“No.” I whimpered.
“Do you wanna go home?” I clutched his arm and shook my head franticly. “I wasn’t going to make you, clam down.” He ran his hands through what was left of my black hair. “You can come to my house until this wears off, but you’re going to have to go home some time.” I started to cry again, mostly out of fear of what Ben would do to me, what Missy would say. “We’ll get through this Britt, okay? Trust me. We’ll be okay. Now no crying, you’ve gotta stay strong, no crying.” He repeated this, wiping under my eyes with his thumbs. “Come on now, we’re going to go to my house. You’ll be okay.”
He coached me out of the house and into the car like you would coach a nervous puppy back to his mommy. He repeated the same things over and over, but he was sincere and loving each time he said it, which never faded.
“Do you trust me?” He asked, helping me buckle into the passenger seat. I felt limp, like I couldn’t do anything on my own, like I was going to melt into a pile of mush on the sidewalk without help,
I nodded slowly. “I trust you.” And then I leaned back into the seat, closing my eyes, but telling myself not to fall asleep. But just telling yourself never really works, does it?
Chapter 3
“Tim, you said you didn’t hang around people like this. You assured me that even though you’re going to a public school you wouldn’t do anything like this!”
“Mom, she’s just lost, okay? Trust me on this one, she’s a wonderful girl.”
“She doesn’t look so wonderful when she’s lying, passed out, mind you, on our guest room bed!”
“You said you wouldn’t freak out like this,”
“Yeah mom, cut him some slack, at least he didn’t bring home some hooker from the party he went too. That’s good.”
“Kenny, you’re not helping things!”
“Kenny go to your room.”
“Hey Tim, to the next party you go to can you bring a sexy, drunk, girl my age home? I’d be greatly obliged buddy old pal.”
“Go to your room!”
“Remember me old chum… OW. I’m going!”
“Do you even know her name?”
“Of course I do! It’s Brittney.”
“Brittney what?”
“Now mom, don’t overreact.”
“WHAT’S HER LAST NAME TIM?”
“Hooker.”
“She’s Ben and Missy’s daughter?!”
“No. Well, yes. But she’s their foster daughter. Her life is so bad, mom. If I was her I would be partying my brains out, just to get away from it all.”
“Do NOT say that you would party your brains out in my house young man!”
“Mom I just was using an example. Just please, listen to her.”
“Fine. But until I hear her side, you’re confined to this house. After I hear her story, I’ll decide your punishment. Now go see if she’s up yet.”
“Yes ma’am.” I heard footsteps; I pushed myself up into a sitting position on the bed, rubbing my eyes.
“Ah, you’re up, feeling better?” Tim asked, coming in the room.
“Much. Thank you Tim, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble or anything.” I said quietly, looking down at my dirty fingernails.
“Ah? You heard that? Don’t worry about her, she’s just getting all motherly. It’ll pass in a while. Anyways, you think you feel up to explaining this to her?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“Why not?” He asked, shooting me a confused look.
“Word gets around town, they’ll hear it, and I’ll be in more trouble then I’m already in. Besides, what if she alerts the authorities? I’ll be taken away and I won’t be able to live here anymore. As much as I hate my home life, I worry about Sidney and Mandy; I can’t just leave them to go save my own butt. Plus all the friends I’ve made, what about them, they’re probably in jail right now. They have bad lives too, I don’t deserve how nice you’ve been.”
Tim sat down on the bed, sighing. “She won’t tell anyone, trust me Britt, I’ve told her not to. And to make you feel better everyone’s bailed out and at home right now. Fay’s and Kevin’s parents were blowing a gasket, but they all got home safe.”
“What’s their punishment?” I dared myself to ask.
“Just some community service.”
I nodded silently. “Can I take a shower before I talk to your mom?” I asked quietly
“Sure. I don’t see why not. Right handle is hot, left is cold. In the cabinet should be some supplies you can use.” He informed me.
“Thanks.” I said, heading into the bathroom and grabbing toiletries from the cabinet. I took a long, hot shower trying to relax as I shampooed my thinning hair. I knew enough to know that sine was coming out from stress, and that I should try to relax whenever I could unless I wanted to be bald. Which I didn’t, who would? I knew I couldn’t stay in there forever, so I got out and slowly towel dried, stalling for all I was worth. I swished some water in my moth, trying to get rid of the horrible taste, and the smell.
It felt wrong going back into my old, dirty clothes, but it was all I had. I washed my bandana off as much as I could, though, because I knew it would probably be awhile until I got a chance to take it off again.
When I stepped out, I felt better about talking. Oh sure I still had butterflies, but I kept thinking to myself I can do this, I’ll prove Tim doesn’t have bad friends. I’ll prove that though I may be a Hooker to the outside world, I’m a beautiful girl inside. I’m nothing like them.
That was until I saw his mom, a nice looking woman in faded jeans and a short sleeved shirt. She looked very stylish, if I do say so myself. I wondered how fast I could flee to the bathroom, three steps? Maybe four?
“Sit down.” She instructed, and I obeyed.
“Ma’am, before you say anything I want to say thank you for letting me into your home. I appreciate how nice you’ve been, I don’t deserve it.”
I knew I caught her off guard when she said, “Oh, why your welcome. Miss…”
“Brittney.” I informed her.
“Right, Brittney. Now, I’ve heard stories about your life, and I just want you to explain to me what goes on there, is that alright?”
“Can I have your word that you won’t tell anyone, including social services? Because, ma’am, though I may have a hard life, I enjoy staying here more than in some stuffy orphan edge.”
“You have my word.” She promised.
“I’ll give you as condensed version as possible. I live with my foster sisters, Mandy and Sidney, ages seventeen and a half, and six. My foster mother is an alcoholic, that doesn’t abuse us physically, like our foster dad, but more emotionally.” I hesitated on weather to talk about my arms and hair, but I decided to tell her. She swore she wouldn’t tell, so I had nothing to lose. “I’m a cutter on my arms, and I pull my hair out. I do this, pretty much out of desperation for control.”
“I’m so sorry.” She said quietly.
“It’s alright, I can live through it. But I’d like to go home now, if you don’t mind.”
“Alright, whenever you need somewhere to go, We’re here, alright honey?”
“I’ll remember that.” I smiled, nodding. But I seriously doubted I would come here unless something serious happened, and I’d have to bring Sidney and Mandy then. She probably wouldn’t appreciate that.
CHAPTER 4
“I’m sorry she made you say that.” Tim apologized on the way to my house.
“Hey, it’s okay. I mean, I would be wondering if the rumors were true, too. The only way to find out is to ask someone who suffers through it, right?”
Tim nodded. “Sheesh, I guess I just take my family for granted, I mean, they love me very much and-“
“Can we please not talk about this?” I asked quickly.
“Of course, I’m sorry.” He apologized, again.
“Thanks for helping me away from the party and stuff. I really appreciate it.” I thanked him as we pulled onto my street.
“No problem. I care about you Britt, remember that there IS people that care and love you.”
I nodded as we got out. “Alright. I’ll try to remember that.”
“And don’t hesitate to call me if something’s up. I’ll help in any way I can.”
“Yes mother.” I laughed as we came to the door.
“Well this is it.”
“Yeah… Bye.” I offered weakly.
He hugged me. “Promise me you’ll call, anything though. I’m serious.”
I nodded, locking eyes with him. “I will, I promise.”
The door burst open, “Where the hell have you been?!” Missy screamed at me. “Oh with a boy, I know. You worry your poor parents for a scraggly boy. Hmmph, I knew we shouldn’t have taken you inside, you filthy orphan. Get inside, your father and I want to have a talk with you.”
I cringed, orphan. I shot Tim and I’m sorry you had to see this, look, and stepped inside the open door. It slammed behind me, Missy blocking my exit, beer bottle in hand. Ben blocked the other door, fists clenched and jaw tight, I knew he was in a fighting mood. But when was he not?
“Where have you been? Your principal said they saw you cut school, getting into some girls car.” Ben said, glaring at me and taking an intimidating step towards me.
“Yes. I cut school, but I didn’t go far.”
“You went to a party didn’t you! Oh Benny! I knew she would end up like this.” Now Missy went into one of her crying stages, draping herself all over Ben.
“We made it clear! No parties!” Ben said, stepping closer, he was only about 2 steps away from me, one step would be hitting distance, two would be shaking,
“I wasn’t!” I said, raising my voice.
Ben took a step, smacking the side of my head violently, “Tell the truth Brittney!” He snarled at me.
“I am! I didn’t go to any party!” I yelled, making him even madder. One thing about Ben, he hated to be wrong.
He grabbed the collar of my shirt and picked me off the floor, starting to shake me like a rag doll. “We taught you not to lie in this house Brittney!”
“I told you only this could be expected from an orphan. She doesn’t appreciate the love we give her, She takes us for granted. You’re such a little brat. Spoiled is what you are.” Missy said, stepping forward so I could smell the booze on her breath. “Come on Ben, lets get out of here to where we’re appreciated.” She said, hugging the arm that wasn’t shaking me.
Ben set me down and shoved me backwards by my shoulders. “I expect this house to b e spotless when we get back.” He snarled. “Now admit you went to that party and we’re going.”
“I didn’t!” I screamed. His big hand smashed me back, by my face this time, I rammed into the wall, feeling blood gush from my nose.
“Come on Benny, she’s not worth the strength.” Missy said, leaving him out the door, locking it behind them.
I slumped against the wall, putting my hand against my nose. I had blood already down my shirt from it, but my legs felt like Jell-o. My shoulders throbbed.
“Britt, are you – oh my god.” Mandy said, laying her eyes on me. “I’ll get a washcloth, hold on Brittney.” Mandy closed the door, saying something to Sidney, then ran back down the stairs into the kitchen. I heard the water start running, then stop. Mandy came out and crouched next to me, handing me the wet washcloth.
I wiped off my face the best I could, and then held it up to me nose. “I know you went to the party Brittney, so don’t deny it, but where did you go afterwards?” She asked, sitting down beside me. “Turn around” She instructed.
I obeyed. I talked weird with this washcloth to my nose, but I knew I had to try to explain. “Afterwards I went to a friend’s house. He knows what goes on here, and he cares about me.” I told her.
Mandy pulled my shirt over my shoulders to see how bad my shoulders and back were. “Does he know about your arms and hair?” She asked, running her thumb down my spine.
I nodded. “Everything. He’s your grade and age so you might know him, Tim Nolan.” I offered.
Mandy pulled my shirt back down and I saw her smile. “I’m glad not all your friends are partiers. Yes, I know Tim, quite the gentleman. He’s your boyfriend?” She asked, standing up.
“Not my boyfriend! Just friend, someone like him probably won’t like someone like me.” I said, feeling myself blush.
“He’s crazy about you, are you kidding? You can tell by the way he talks about you.”
I stood up as well, and my phone started to buzz. I pulled it out someone was calling. I held up one finger to Mandy and opened it up.
“Hello?” I asked,
“Hey Britt. Are you okay?” It was Tim. Ironic, no?
“Umm yeah. I didn’t mean for you to see that, I’m sorry. She was just really angry today.” I told him, pulling the rag off my nose and folding it up. I quickly put it back on, my nose was still bleeding, but not as bad.
“Are you okay? You sound different.”
“Oh, yeah. I have something over my nose.”
“He punched you in the nose? Are you okay? How long has it been bleeding?” He asked franticly.
“Calm down.” I laughed. “It’ll be okay, he didn’t punch me. So why’d you call?” I asked, punching Mandy in the shoulder, which had her fingers in the form of a heart.
“Actually. I wanted to see if you were busy tomorrow night. Cause I just wanted to see if you wanted to catch a movie or go out for coffee… or something.” He asked, sounding nervous.
I smiled. “Hang on.” I put my hand over the speaker. “HE ASKED ME OUT!” I squealed, hugging Mandy, who squealed as well. I pulled my hand off the receiver, “That would be fabulous. Tell me when and we can be on our way.”
He chuckled like he knew we were screaming like the girls we are. “Does 8 work for you? I can pick you up.”
“That would be fabulous, see you then.”
“Bye.” He hung up.
“What did I tell you? He’s crazy about you! Come one, we can get Sid to help you pick out your outfit!”
“Alright!” I said, following her up the stairs, leaving the bloodied rag on the table. And at once, the abuse was forgotten.
CHAPTER 5
“How do I look?” I asked hopefully, giving a small spin around in the center of the room.
I was wearing a plain baby blue long sleeved shirt, a brown skirt that went to about my knees, with faded jeans underneath it. Mandy had given me a new bandana. It was baby blue with brown spirals and white dots, some of my favorite colors. I had on a small silver heart locket, with a picture of me as a baby, and me with Sidney and Mandy just last year. I had on three small wire bracelets, and blue hoop earrings. I had on my regular black tennis shoes; Mandy insisted that they were Convers, that there was a difference.
“Like a model!” Sidney exclaimed. I ruffled her mass of red curls.
“Thanks babe.” I smiled, kissing her cheek. “Mandy?” I asked, standing up straight and looking at her.
She took her hands in mine. “Fabulous.” She smiled. “You’ll be fine, don’t be nervous.” She hugged me, the doorbell ringing.
“Eee that’s him. Remember Sid, get to bed at 9. I should be back by then, but if not make sure you have all your things in your backpack, and all your homework done.”
“Yes mother.” She smiled up at me.
“I’ll make sure she gets done, just have fun Britt, don’t worry about us here.”
“What did I tell you about calling me Britt?” I teased, heading down the stairs.
I was glad to know that I wasn’t the only one slightly dressier than school clothes. Tim was wearing a blue button-down and jeans.
“Hey look, we match!” I laughed hugging him.
“Wow you look…”
“Overdressed?” I offered, laughing.
“Beautiful.” He smiled.
I felt myself blush. “Thanks.”
“Are they gonna kiss now?” Sid asked Mandy loudly. Talk about embarrassment.
“Goodbye Sid.” I said loudly, Tim opening the door for me.
“Ladies first.” He laughed.
“So do you feel embarrassed coming in the house now?” I laughed as he closed the door behind us. “She’s a cute kid, annoying a lot though. I guess I’ve sort of grown fonder to her since Mandy’s getting older, she’s going to leave us soon probably.” I said, opening my door and climbing in.
“Nah, I got to see you, so it made it all worthwhile.” He smiled tapping my nose and buckling himself in. “Yeah, she’s a cute kid.” He smiled, pulling out of the driveway.
“Uh oh, I better watch out, before you start dating my little sister.” I teased.
Tim broke out in a wide grin.
“What? Why are you smiling? Tell me!” I said, shoving him playfully.
“Sister.” He said.
I looked down blushing; again, all I did was blush when he was around! Not to mention the butterflies that invaded my stomach when I woke up this morning. I decided to change the subject. “So where are we headed?” I asked.
“Have you eaten yet? I know a comfy little coffee shop down the street here we can stop at. Then we can catch a movie if there’s anything you want to see.”
“Sure.” I smiled. “I haven’t eaten, to tell the truth I was super nervous about this. I haven’t eaten hardly anything.” I admitted, my stomach rumbling.
“Same here, try asking you!” He laughed, pulling in front of a small diner and climbing out. While trying to read the name I tripped out of the car.
“Oof.” I said, my face meeting cement. My nose started bleeding, again. I put my hands to it. “I’m so sorry.” I said quietly as he pulled tissues out of his pocket.
“It’s okay, hey I came prepared.” He winked at me. “I knew you, being the klutz you are, might hurt yourself.” He teased, handing the tissues to me.
I quickly replaced my hand with the tissues, my nose and hand thanking me. “Gee, make me feel great.” I laughed.
He grabbed my fee hand and pulled me up, even though it was bloody. I felt bad, but I didn’t have a chanced to stop him. “Come on, once we get inside you can wash off. I can’t go in with you, do you think you can not kill yourself while I grab a table?” He joked, holding the door for me.
I nodded, eyeing the bathrooms and nearly sprinting for them. How embarrassing! Getting a bloody nose in front of the whole diner and not knowing what to do! I washed my hands off and threw away my tissue. My nose was hardly bleeding now; it was just a small spurt – thank goodness! I wiped off my face with a wet paper towel and made sure there was no blood on my shirt, there wasn’t. I threw away my paper towel and headed back out into the diner, quickly spotting Tim.
“Sorry about that.” I said as I sat in a small chair across from him. “That was so embarrassing.” I laughed nervously.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” He smiled at me.
I picked up a menu and browsed through it. “So do you come here often?” I asked him, deciding on a small noodle dish with lemonade.
“Yeah. I love the food here, it’s all really good.” He said, nodding.
A girl came up, “Oh Hey Tim.” She nodded to him. Her nametag read Amanda. “So who’s this?”
“This is Britt. Britt,” He said turning to me, “This is my older sister Amanda. She works here, as you could tell. She’s the one who got me hooked on this place.” He laughed.
“So what do ya’ll want to drink, or are you ready to order too?”
So we ordered, and she rushed off to another table.
“She seems really nice.” I smiled at Tim, watching his face.
“Really? I’m glad. She seems to really like you. I mean, usually she’s a little stand-offish at first, but she’s a doll once you get to know her.”
“So does she live with you?” I asked, not sure I’ve ever heard of her before.
“No. She dropped out of high school to raise her first child in the middle of her senior year. She moved down to Texas with her husband for a while, witch explains her accent. She moved back here when she was pregnant with her third child after her husband became an alcoholic and threatened her kids. She lives with a few friends and her kids, while attending collage online.”
“Wow. That seems really rough, but I guess she’s a strong girl.”
“Why thank ya.” She smiled, setting our drinks down on the table, startling me. “You’ll have to come over sometime, from what I’ve heard you have a little sister of your own. I’m looking for a baby sitter.” She winked at me.
I laughed. “Foster sister. And maybe I will, it’ll be nice to talk to someone outside of school sometimes, too.” I smiled at her.
“Watch out, soon she’ll be comin’ round to see me instead of you, little brother.” She laughed, ruffling his hair.
“Gee, great. Hey, aren’t you supposed to be bothering someone else, like your boss or something?” He said, running his hands through his hair.
“It’s much more fun bothering you, but I’ll go get back to work anyways. Maybe I can get that big ol’ cranky to give me a raise.” And with that she raced off.
“Sorry about that. She insists on calling me little brother and things.” He smiled at me.
“Hey, it’s okay. I wish me and Mandy were like that. I guess I’ve been sort of standoffish in the past to her. I kept saying she wasn’t my real sister and stuff… Gee, I was such a jerk.”
“It’s okay. You live in hard times.” Tim rested his hand on mine for a minute, my heart fluttered. “It’s okay to be frustrated and jerkish sometimes.”
The food was excellent and Mandy gave me her phone number and apartment number, she said to just “Pop by anytime before 7:30,” and I promised I would. We went saw a “Chick Flick” it was great but… Let’s just say I was using the tissues for something other than bloodied noses tonight.
He dropped me off at the doorstep at about 10. “Thanks a lot, I had a lot of fun.” I smiled at him.
“Me too, we’ll have to do this again sometime.” He promised, kissing my forehead, and then heading back to his car, totally unexpected.
CHAPTER 6
“I told you they would kiss!” I heard Sid squeal as I headed inside, locking the door after me. I should have known she wouldn’t be asleep.
“Sidney, if you don’t get to bed the tickle monster is going to pay you a visit!” I yelled up the stairs, already starting to run up them.
“Nooooo!” She squealed. I could hear her start running.
I flung open the door, but she was still making her way across the cluttered room to her bed. I race up and grabbed her across her stomach and twirling her around.
“Eeee! Put me down!” She squealed again, laughing. So I set her down on her bed and started tickling her sides, her screeching laughter filling the house. “Stoooop! Stooopppp!!” She screeched.
I stopped and waited for her to stop giggling. “I told you to be in bed by now! You know you get cranky if you don’t get enough sleep.” I said, helping her undress and pulling a large shirt we used as a nightgown over her head.
“I missed you.” She said quietly, climbing into bed. “Will you tell me what happened? I always sleep better after a story.” She pleaded.
“Fine.” So I told her a story, playing up where we went and what we did. Instead of going to a small coffee shop we went to a grand feast with the king and queen, and Amanda was the queen. We went to the theater and saw Charlotte’s Web, one of the only books she knew, and I cried.
By the time I came to the carriage ride home, she was asleep. I just lay beside her, her small body pressed against me, and I felt myself start to slowly drift off….
“Another day, another struggle.” I declared as I climbed out of the shower, towel drying my hair. I did the usual, pulling on a long sleeved shirt, jeans, and my red bandana. When I stepped out of the bathroom Sidney was still asleep.
“Come on Sid, you’re going to be late for school, wake up.” I shook her lightly until her eyes opened. “Come on babe.” I told her, sitting her up. “Can I trust you to get ready after I leave?” I asked her.
She nodded, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and stumbling to the bathroom.
I grabbed my backpack and headed down the steps, bracing myself for another day of school.
“Hey Britt, want any breakfast?” Mandy asked from the table.
“Nope. I’m good.” I smiled at the regularity.
“How’s it go last night? Good I hope.”
“Excellent, I got to meet his older sister, too. She’s a doll. She offered me a babysitting job, and I think I might wanna take it.” I said.
“That’s good. We have a good day.” She waved as I tugged on my shoes and hopped on my bike.
I enjoyed the ride over to the school, having more time than usual. I mulled over the assignments I had struggled to do before Tim picked me up Sunday. I rolled my bike up to the school and locked it onto the bike rack, making sure it was tight before I headed up to the steps.
Life seemed pretty much normal. Heather and Matt were kissing on the steps, Fay sitting on the railing, drawing. The only person not there was Tim. Which, I must admit, bothered me… tons. Did he come on a date with me when he was sick? Did I make him sick? Did something happen with him or his family? I tried to push these thoughts out of my mind.
“Hey Fay.” I said, sitting on the stonewall next to her. “What ‘cha drawing?” I asked.
“Lighthouse. It’s not done yet. I’m planning on painting it afterwards if it turns out good enough.” She said, showing me the sketch, it was amazing.
“I hate your talent” I laughed. “So where’s Tim?”
“Don’t you know? Aren’t you his girlfriend?” Heather asked, pulling away from Matt long enough to finish a sentence. She had dark rings around her eyes, and her eyes were misty, something was wrong.
I bit back the sharp reply that my mind wanted to say. “We’re not boyfriend and girlfrid, like I said. We just hang out.” I corrected her.
My phone buzzed, I pulled it out. It was.
Hey, Is this Britt? It read. This obviously wasn’t him. But who would it be, using his phone?
Umm yeah. Who is this? Where’s Tim? I asked.
The response came back quickly. This is Amanda, from the diner. Tim’s been in an accident. He left last night to a friend’s after he dropped you off last night and when he came back it was really early morning He got in a carcrash on his way to school he hardly had any sleep. He’s in the hospital right now. Can you come?
I checked the time; it was only 6:45. I was biting my lip. “My word My Word.” I said, feeling sick. I’ll be there asap. Don’t let him die. Keep him alive, I need him.
“What’s your problem?” Fay asked, looking over at me.
“Yeah, you look like you just saw a ghost, Britt.”
I noticed Matt kept quiet, was he the person he was with? “Tim got in a car crach on his way here. He’s in the hospital, and it sounds serious. We’ve got to go.”
“We can’t skip school again, dude we’d get so flamed by the principal.”
“Well we’ve got to tell them why. I don’t care what happens, I need to see him.” I said, standing up and running into the office.
I quickly explained, the secretary nodded. She had us sign out the reason we were leaving, where, and when. Once that was done we headed back out.
“Britt put your bike in the back of Heather’s car, I’m driving.” Fay instructed, going over to Heather. “Heather give me the keys.”
“No it’s my car. I’m driving.”
Fay took a deep breath. “Heather, you’re in no condition to drive.” She held out her hand, palm up. “Just give me the keys, please.”
Heather relinquished her keys and climbed in the passenger seat. I pulled my bike off the rack and tossed it in the trunk, climbing in the backseat. Fay hopped in the driver’s seat, peeling out of the parking lot. Matt drove separately.
“Heather, are you going to tell Britt?” She asked her. Her tone had softened and she shot Heather a sympathetic glance.
“There’s not much to tell. I’m pregnant, 5 months through already.” She cradled her belly with her ringed fingers. “4 more months and I’ll have Matt and my child on my hands.”
“How long have you known?” I asked her; surprised that she hadn’t told us already.
“I’ve figured since month 2 or 3, but I didn’t want to rush into the drug store and look stupid buying a test if I wasn’t totally sure I needed one.”
“So you got one?”
“Yup.”
“And?”
“Positive.”
“Did you go to the hospital to see?”
Heather got mad at me now. “Hell no Britt, My mom’s a dealer, do you really think we have any money for a doctors appointment? Let alone stuff for the baby! Just shut up okay?!” She yelled, tears coming to her eyes.
“I’m sorry Heather.” I whispered, placing my hand on her shoulder.
We were quiet the rest of the way to the hospital.
CHAPTER 4
“Tim Nolan.” I told the lady at the desk.
“One moment.” She said, typing something in on her computer. One moment seemed like eons, I found myself tapping nervously on the desk, waiting to get the room number. “Room 331, floor 6.” She informed us.
As I darted to the elevator I heard Fay thank the woman. When we were all in the elevator I pushed the floor 6 button, the doors closing. “Why’d you thank her Fay, she took forever. Man I could find it faster than her.”
“Britt, calm down.” She said, placing her foot on top of my tapping one. “It only took two seconds. You’re getting antsy.”
“Well he could be taking his last breath when that stupid lady is taking her sweet time typing in his name with hearted I’s and curly cues.” I blazed.
“Calm down.” Heather said as we reached the 6th floor.
I couldn’t calm down; I bolted down the hallway and into the waiting room that connected to his room. Not many people were there yet; mostly family and whom I guessed were relatives. I spotted Amanda, pacing and crying, she had a cup of coffee in her hand.
“Amanda!” I called out. “Is he okay, have you seen him? What do the doctors say?”
She wrapped her arms around me. “It doesn’t look good, honey. He has internal bleeding, his leg was broken, and his other ankle looked bad, too. He’s having surgery right now.”
“For what?” By now the others had trickled in, but I didn’t even spare a glace I just wanted to know what had happened.
“To remove some glass from his head and to see what they can do about one of his lungs. Apparently it was crushed, along with breaking a lot of his ribs.”
“All we can do is hope.” She said quietly.
I sat down on an ugly orange couch, starting to cry. “Why?” I questioned out loud. “Why?” I said, again, louder. I felt like someone had crushed me into a million little pieces. Tim was probably going to die. He was probably going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.
I felt like one of those multiple times that Ben beat me. I felt useless against his great strength, but I wondered why this was happening. Why was this happening to my life?
I fled to the bathroom, feeling the need to cut. I reached the bathroom, but I had nothing to cut with. I closed the toilet seat lid and sat on it in the locked stall. I started tearing at my hair, crying, wondering why this had happened. Why was some good, amazing, wonderful person dying? Why couldn’t it have been Ben, or Missy? Someone who deserved it.
“Brittney, Brittney open up.” I heard two voices. Heather and Amanda.
“Just leave me alone. I screamed. “I want to be alone.” I heard the footsteps and voices fade, and then I heard Amanda’s voice.
“Girl you be tearing out your hair or cutting yourself I’ll have to come in there and kill you.” Amanda said, kicking open the door.
I looked up, Amanda looked back down. “Oh girl, oh girl oh girl. What have you done to yourself?” She whispered, coming over to myself.
I stood up and wrapped my arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder. “Why is he dying? Why?”
“That’s asking the impossible, baby girl. That’s like asking why beautiful girls like you cut themselves, or tear their hair out to the point of being bald. I don’t know. But there’s an answer somewhere, ya just have to find it. Maybe this is happening so you can get to the root of YOUR problem?” She asked, placing her hand on my now bald head.
“I’d rather die then have him die for my problem.”
“Hey hunny.” She said, lifting up my chin. “He ain’t dead yet. We have our hope, we’re gonna hang onto that hope, okay? Just keep your mind off of it. By the way.” She said, a small smile spreading over her face. “You have a beautiful head.”
I cracked a smile.
I woke up, lifting my head off of the ugly orange couch in the waiting room. I had cried myself to sleep. Looking around the dim room I saw that most people were asleep. Amanda was up with a baby in her arms, drinking from a bottle. She smiled weakly at me. She pulled a phone out of her pocket and did something quickly. She pocketed it. Okay, weird. Just then my phone buzzed.
Oh. I opened it up. Surgery was a success, He’s back in his room. Sleeping, last time I heard. No one’s talked to him yet. Wanna be the first to see him? By the way, this is my youngest child, Cadence. She’s a doll.
I smiled and nodded at Amanda, signaling that I would go in. I made sure not to shake the couch too much since Matt and Heather were both asleep. Heather’s head was on his shoulder, her hands on her stomach, and he had his head resting on hers, his arms around her shoulder. They would be wonderful parents.
I tiptoed over to the room and peeked into the room. Tim was lying there, tubes and things in his arms and chest. He had a cast on his left leg, a wrap on his right. He had his eyes closed. I decided to write on the dry-erase bored hanging on the wall across the room.
Get well Soon. Without you who’s going to make sure I don’t trip and kill myself? ~ Love. Britt
Then I put two flowers and tacky little hearts in between them. Random, but it was early, cut me some slack. Then I took a tissue from the conveniently located tissue box beside the bed, and put it over the corner on the dry erase board.
Hehe.
”Britt?” he asked rubbing his eyes. “Is that you?”
“Ummmm.. Go back to sleep?”
He smiled weakly. “What are you doing here?”
“Writing on your dry-erase bored. I thought you might enjoy my tacky flowers with hearts.” I smiled as well, sitting in the stuffed chair next to him. “How do you feel?”
“Of course. Tacky flowers are the bomb.” He blinked, and then looked over at me. “Feeling better. What happened to you?”
“Ohh.” I placed my hand on my head. “Stressful times. I seriously didn’t mean to, but it’s my own punishment. I deserve people looking at me weird.” I said, shrugging. “Do I get to sign your cast?” I asked him, looking around for a permanent marker.
“On the desk thing, to your left. Noo your other left.” He said, as I looked right.
“Oops.” I laughed. There was a whole box of them, different colors. “So did you get to pick your color cast?” I asked, looking at the aqua colored cast on his leg. I scooted up, box of markers in hand.
“I was unconscious.” He laughed. “But at least I got a good color.”
“The color theme of our first date, only a bit darker.” I giggled, signing his cast in multi-Colors. “Do you want me to draw something or something?” I asked, looking up at him.
“Very true. What a color to remember.” He laughed, but then put his hand to his chest like it hurt him, it probably did. “I don’t care. Draw something for me. So I can look down and say ‘My girlfriend has monster art abilities.’”
“Only I don’t” I laughed. “I’ll just draw some stupid looking flowers. Did you know cast is very hard to draw on?” I asked him, putting my signature flowers and putting ‘Aka Egg Head’ under my name.
“Do you like it? I put-“ But I stopped, he was asleep. I quietly tiptoed out of his room and curled back up onto the couch.
As I went to delete Amanda’s text, I realized that I read it at 11:11. “Make a wish.” I whispered, smiling, saving the text to show Tim later.
CHAPTER 8
When I woke up again almost everyone was rushing around, apparently knowing he was back, and alive. Heather was still asleep, leaning to the side where Matt used to be. She had a blanket covering her, and I figured that was Matt’s doing.
I stood up and yawned. I figured I should tell Mandy the news, so I told Amanda I was stepping out to make a call, then rode the elevator down, and sat down at a small bench just outside the hospital. I tapped in Mandy’s cell number, and then waited as it rang.
“Hello?” She asked her voice was stuffy like she’d been crying.
“Mandy? It’s Britt, what’s wrong? What happened?”
I heard her hiccup then she spoke shakily. “Sid’s gone.”
“What? When? Didn’t she say where she would be?” I asked franticly, pulling up images of Sid in my mind. Innocent, sweet, bratty at times… my loving little sister.
“Last night. Ben and Missy came home and started yelling at her for watching the TV or something, and this was one of the only times Ben had beat her. The worst yet, the kind he gives us. She went to bed that night sobbing, and this morning she was gone.” I heard Mandy blow her nose.
“Did you call the police to report a missing person?” I asked.
“I’d have to tell them what happened Britt, we’re powerless. We won ‘t be able to find her ourselves, though.” She started sobbing again. “I love her, but there’s nothing we can do!”
“Grab all your friends, show them what Sid looks like, and get them to drive around, looking for her. I’ll get my friends too, and I’ll ride around on my bike. We CAN’T lose her Mandy.” I said franticly.
“Alright. But I doubt we can find her.” She said, hanging up.
“Hope.” I whispered into the phone, closing it slowly.
I ran up into the hospital, rode up the elevator and grabbed Heather, Fay, Matt, and Amanda. The only people who I knew would want to stay here. By now They had all met Amanda, so I didn’t worry about that.
“What’s wrong Britt? He’s okay, haven’t you heard?”
I bit my lip. “Sidney’s missing.” I quickly relayed the story and our plan. “Will you help me? I never got a chance to tell her how much I love her.” I pulled my locket off and showed the little picture to them. “This is what she looks like. Red curly hair, small little thing…”
Fay put a hand on my shoulder, and so did Heather. “We’ll find her girl, don’t worry.”
I nodded “I hope. I hope with all my being.”
“Do you want to ride with us and look?” Heather offered me.
I shook my head. “No. Just set my bike on the rack, I’ll look with that. It’s better to go off-roads too.”
Matt nodded to me. “I’ll walk too, if you want me to.” He offered,
“That would be great, I’m going to go tell Tim goodbye before I go rushing off.” I said, rushing back into his room.
He was alone, reading. Or it looked like he was reading; I think he was actually just thinking, because he hadn’t turned a page yet. “Tim?” I said quietly.
I was right, he wasn’t reading. His eyes snapped up immediately. “Why hello Egg-head.” He smiled at me.
I came over to his bedside, pacing my hands on the mattress. “I was planning on staying longer, but I have to go rush off. Sid’s gone missing after a beating by Ben. I just hope that she’s not dead. She better not be, or I’ll strangle her.” I felt tears come to my eyes.
“Don’t cry. It’s gonna be okay. Everything’s gonna be okay Britt, you’re a strong girl. You can find her.” I remembered some of those phrases from after I went to the party. I felt his strong hand take mine.
“I’m so scared for her. She’s just so small.”
“Britt, I know you don’t want to, but you have to tell the police what’s going on. You can’t live like this anymore. I know you act tough, but you’re shaking inside. You can’t hide it anymore Brittney. Think of what could happen if this gets any worse, you’re already drowning in this. Someone’s going to die if you don’t speak up.”
His words hit me like a bullet. Die. Die. Someone, Mandy, Sid, even myself…. Was going to die. It was like he could read my mind before I had a chance to speak the words. I had had thoughts of suicide before. Before he came into my life. I knew Mandy has this just as bad as me, but she didn’t show it.
Was that what she was thinking? Suicide? Was that why she seemed so upset over this. Sidney was too small, she couldn’t have thought of suicide, could she?
Tim stroked my hand while I fell to my knees beside him, sobbing. “Tim, oh Tim, what are we to do? There’s no way we can stand to be split up! You know she needs a big sister.”
“Do the thing that scares you.” He whispered, leaning close to my ear. “There’s no need to be afraid.” He took a labored breath. “Go to her Britt, you know where she is. She’s told you.”
I rooted through my mind, trying to think of where she said she loved to go. “But I can’t. I can’t think of it. She hasn’t.” I looked up at Tim, but his eyes were closed again.
He hummed quietly, a small tune. “’If you find her, tell her that I love her. If she hears you, ask her heart to come’…”
I bit my lip and slid my hand from underneath his. “I’ll tell her. I’ll find her and tell her.” And I turned and ran out of the room.
I kept trying to think. Where did she seem excited to go? School. I did a 180 on my bike and pedaled to the Elementary school. It was already getting dark; most people had given up the search already, not me. Never me.
I dropped my bike and ran onto the playground. “Sidney where are you? Baby girl?” I yelled. I looked around, my eyes searching through the darkness. I heard a commotion over near the swing sets.
There was a huddle of boys around something, weed? I went in closer, and I heard their taunting.
“Sidney the baby Sidney the baby. I saw they were shoving something around. Sidney. The thought took my breath away. She had been beaten enough!
They were either Middle Schoolers or High Schoolers, and they were all tough boys. They were about my height, so I couldn’t see over them. “Britteny!” I heard Sidney scream, and then the boys laughing,
“Move. Leave her alone!” I yelled, trying to shove through them. “Sidney!” I screamed.
“Orphan. Orphan. Orphan.” The word made me sick. Why were they taunting her like this, how did they know? Rather, how MUCH did they know?
I heard police and ambulance sirens. Some of the boys shouted curse words, and ran.
The on in the middle, who was beating Sidney gave one last punch to her shoulder, and then ran as well.
Sidney fell into a heap on the cement. “Sid!” I screamed, dropping to my knees and picking up her small, light body in my arms. I cradled her close to me. “Sid. Sid I love you. Baby girl no matter what I’ve said I’ve always loved you. I wish I had been more of a big sister to you! I need you! Please you can’t die. You Can’t! Because I love you!” I started screaming that I loved her, over and over.
Around me was a blur; I felt her being taken from my arms, despite my cries and screaming. I felt a hand on both of my shoulders, Amanda, and a policeman.
“Amanda. Amada.”
“Yes, baby I called the police. Come on, come on he needs to ask some questions. Can you follow?” She kept her hand on my shoulder and led me to the back of the cop car. She got in beside me. “We’re gonna follow them to the hospital, okay? Can you answer his questions?”
I nodded quietly, “I’ll try.” I whispered.
“Alright, why don’t you just start at the beginning?” The police in the passengers seat asked me.
“Well.. I didn’t actually see it happen, since I was at the hospital, seeing a friend. But Mandy, my older foster sibling, told me that our foster parents, Missy and Ben came home and-” I explained all I knew, the abuse, the running away in the middle of the night. Up to now, up to the playground scene.
“You said that they gave ‘disciplinary action’ to her, would you explain what that’s like?” He pressed.
I swallowed. “Well usually it’s just shaking and shoving. Sometimes hitting and punching is involved from Ben. Missy usually just uses words.”
“So pretty much, it’s physical and emotional abuse?” He asked.
I felt tears come to my eyes. “Yes.”
“What happens afterwards?” He asked, writing something down in his notebook.
“Usually they leave for the night. Probably get drunk and whatever. Missy’s usually already drunk. Ben sometimes is, but not usually. Sometimes they just get ‘bored with us’ and go upstairs to drink and stuff.” I wiped away the tears that were coming down my cheeks as we pulled into the hospital parking lot.
“Can I see her?” I asked quietly.
“Yes, she should be in room 167, on the bottom floor. Your sister has been called, she should be almost here, but we’ll need to question her as well. Only family is allowed in the room, I’m sorry miss….”
“Amanda.” Amanda informed him. “Can I at least wait outside?”
“Sure.”
I bolted through the hallway, to room 167. Sidney hold on. Hold on baby girl, we can make it trough this.
I walked into her room, not expecting to see her so bloodied and battered. “How is she?” I asked the doctor as he was leaving.
“There’s not much we can do for her. She probably won’t make it through the night, I’m sorry.” He didn’t seem sorry, but I guessed he had to deliver this kind of news every day.
I tried to swallow the growing lump in my throat and came over to Sid’s bedside. “Hey baby.” I said quietly, taking her frail hand in mine. “How do you feel?” I knelt beside the bed, still holding her hand.
“Numb.” She said hoarsely. Her breathing was shallow and quick, and she was shaking a bit.
“It’s okay. Being numb ‘sokay.” I started to cry, squeezing her hand. “I love you.” I whispered.
“I know. You told me.” She said, pausing to breath. “Always remember, I love you too. Even if I die.”
“You’re not going to die! I won’t let you!” I said, raising my voice. “You can’t die, I need you. Without you… I’ll surly die too.”
“But you can’t, Mandy needs you.” She paused again, putting her other hand on top of mine. “What do you think it feels like to die?” She asked quietly, her dull eyes staring into mine.
I couldn’t look away. “It probably just feels like… nothing. Or maybe it feels like… you’re finally free. You can finally fly away, to a dreamland. Where there’s no bad people, no pain. Just joy, happiness, contentment.” I stroked her cheek. “It’s a place everyone’s afraid to go to, but love once they’re there.”
“Free. That’s what I want to be. Finally free.” She started to couch, shaking her whole body. Blood oozed down her chin.
I wiped it off with my finger. “No more suffering.”
“Don’t cry for me.” She whispered. “The wind will be my breath on your check. I’ll be with you. I promise.”
“Don’t go. Please. What am I supposed to do?”
“Let me go free…” She whispered, closing her eyes and her hands going limp. Her body sagged.
The BEEEEP of the monitor told me… she was gone.
“I can’t not grieve, cause I love you. My sister.” And then I wept. Mandy came in after I had cried myself out, and she led me to a small couch, holding me, crying with me. “She’s free.” I whispered. “She’s free now. Like a beautiful butterfly, nothing can hurt her now.” I rubbed Mandy’s back.
“I was too late. I never got to say that I loved her.” Her body shook as she wept.
“She already knew.” I whispered, running my hands through her hair. “She always knew.”
CHAPTER 9
The next week until the funeral was a blur to me. We got packed up and stayed with the police until they could find another home for us. They didn’t put us in an orphan edge mostly because we asked them not to. They said they were going to have a hard time finding a home for a 17 and a soon-to-be 16-year-old girl.
Ben and Missy were put in jail, but I didn’t really know the specifics of it.
Tim asked me out a few times, but I always said no. He didn’t push it, just told me he would be there “if I needed to talk to someone.” Tim went home a few days after Sid’s death. He had to use crutches, and he had to get massages regularly for his lung.
Amanda didn’t visit because she know how ”hurt I would be.” We’ll she was pretty wrong about that. I was just numb. Sure, I cried and moped and just wanted to die some days, but for the most party I felt no emotion. Food was tasteless in my mouth, like I was eating sand or air.
Mandy was doing about the same as me, neither of us really smiled out of joy or entertainment anymore. We forced a smile around people though, because they said they were “Worried about us” We couldn’t hide it around our friends though; they just tried to stay away from that topic.
Heather went into her 6th month and Fay convinced her to finally buy maternity wear, if only online. She said once they all came she would put on a modeling thing for me.
Life continued. With or without Sidney, time didn’t stop moving.
Her funeral was on my birthday. It was, by far, the hardest birthday I had ever had. The funeral home was crowded with flowers and pictures of her smiling face. It was hard to realize that she was really dead.
Not many people were at her funeral, pretty much only the people who had searched for her, and people who had heard of her death. I was surprised to see whom I recognized as her favorite teacher, sitting and crying as well.
I decided to go over to her. “Hello.” I said to her. “I’m Brittney, Sidney’s older sister.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m Michelle Clemens, her art teacher. I wish she had told me what was going on before.” She said quietly.
“We all do. But there’s not much we can do. She’s free now.” I said. “She spoke very highly of you Miss Clemens. I’m glad I got to meet you in person.” Wait, Clemens why does that sound familiar?
“Yes. She spoke highly of you, as well. You seem like a wonderful loving person from what she and my daughter say.”
“Your.. Daughter?”
“Fay, don’t you know her?” She asked, looking puzzled.
“Oh Yes, sorry. The last name escaped me. Art talent must run in the family, then.” I smiled at her.
“Yes, she’s quite the artist, isn’t she? Much better than myself though.” She said, laughing a bit.
“Well, I’ve got to go talk to some other people. I wish we hadn’t met on such occasions.” I said formally, nodding.
“Yes, don’t we all.” She said quietly as I turned to leave. I saw Tim in the distance, talking to someone and I went over to him.
“Hello Tim.” I said, stepping next to him. “Can I talk to you for a minutia? I don’t mean to intrude or anything.”
“Of course. I’ll be right back.” He told the man he was talking to, crutching out into the hallway with me.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk.” I said quietly, pulling at a loose string on my shirt. “It’s just been so hard to accept it.” I said quietly.
“It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize. I understand. Having her pretty much murdered before your eyes… I would bottle myself up, too. But you just have to know the right time to open the cork, to let it out. It’s not a shame to cry, Britt. It shows that you love her, that you care. Do you understand what I mean?”
I nodded quietly. “I think I do. But after bottling myself up so long, it’s hard to let it out. And being around you… it makes me want to let everything out. That’s why I’ve pretty much been avoiding you this past week. I was afraid of what I would do.” I let out a small sniff, blinking hard. “I love her so much.”
“And I believe I love you. So I don’t want to see you like this, hurting. It tears me up inside. I just want to be with you though, to know that I can comfort you. Just know that you can come to me when you need to talk, alright?” He said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be here.”
“Alright.” I said quietly, looking down.
Tim wrapped me in a hug. “I worry about you.”
“You’ve told me this before.” I said, looking into his green eyes.
“Well you just need to get it through your thick head.” He smiled. A
[img:35be38a554]http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lki7bktZnl1qhigt0o1_400.gif[/img:35be38a554]
[b:35be38a554] I like roleplaying, music, and anything artsy. Photography, drawing, whatever. I do it all.[/b:35be38a554] [/color:35be38a554][/size:35be38a554][/align:35be38a554]
 awesomecacy · Sat Jul 25, 2009 @ 07:19pm · 1 Comments |
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