Author's Notes: This was just something I did for fun. Don't take it too seriously.

This is Part 1 of Transformers G1- Logic and Consistency get Roboraped. I have no idea how many parts this is going to have.

Also, if Starscream isn't around well past episode 30, please don't tell me. I've only seen up to episode 28 of G1.

Look, I suck at grammar and spelling. If you see any errors please tell me. I only got to check part of this paper in Microsoft Word. GLaDOS, my computer, decided she wanted to lag when I brought up word and I didn't feel like dealing with her issues.

Also, I don't want to hear anything about how I put two emote in this paper. I don't fell like editing the whole thing for something like that.

I also would like to thank all my friends at Teh Guild, especially Ryu who has put up with me getting her hook on Transformers.

I don't own Transformers, but I did work really hard writing this paper. The paper and text in it is mine.

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You may be wondering WTF!? The title is very intriguing, if not scaring some fans away at this very moment. Now I can assure you that this is not some twisted slash Yaoi Transformers fic or anything like that. Not that I won't be making fun of any implied Yaoi scenes. ;D After chatting with my friends while watching G1 I thought it would be funny to point out and make fun of every incident of innuendo, logic or consistency flying out the window.

The first incident of this is in episode 1 around 5 minutes in. Soundwave sees an Autobot driving down the road, so what does he do? HE POSITIONS HIS BODY IN A 'T' FORMATION ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. Now I'm not familiar with Cybortron, but I'll bet that they don't have Transformer shaped light posts in the shape of a T. There was also NOTHING ELSE on the side of the road. The Autobots driving past were going at a very high speed; they might have been distracted with making sure there weren't any Decepticons around... THAT WORKED OUT WELL CONSIDERING THEY DROVE RIGHT PAST ONE.

And then Starscream comes in. It's been a little under 6 minutes since the show started and already he decides to tell Megatron that he wants to overthrow him. I'm pretty sure you AREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. Going after the boss not only is something that takes a lot of preparation, YOU SHOULD NOT TELL HIM THIS. Either Starscream is really stupid or his ego is as large as Cybortron itself. The villain usually shouts his evil plans to the heavens when he thinks he has his victim beat.

I really don't know if Starscream has pulled this stunt before episode 1, but Megatron doesn't seem to take him too seriously. It could be he's really stupid, his ego is larger than Starscream's, or Starscream has pulled this before so Megatron thinks he's all talk. You know even if you think someone just talks trash, you probably should do something about it. It's probably a good idea to kick their tailpipe instead of just scream "NEVER!" and then going about your business.

So Optimus and his team are leaving Cybortron and end up in an asteroid field, ship get hit, Autobots get thrashed around and Ironhide starts 'bleeding'. That is probably the only time a Transformer will leak anything that could resemble blood. Yet he's perfectly fine a minute later and even can man a gun. Sure you may have to fight when injured, but you can't even see where the injury was made. Also, his fellow Autobots don’t seem very concerned about Ironhide's injury.

The crash land on Earth and 4 million years past. The Decepticons wake up before the Autobots, and then Starscream starts shooting at the ship. Megatron tells him to save his energy. Hello? The guy wanted to overthrow you like within the first 10 minutes of the ep? Shouldn't you be pushing him off the cliff? I'm sure he has changed much in 4 million years. Sure Starscream can fly, but half the time the Transformers don't remember they can fly, so he'd probably fall to his doom.

Now the next scene explains where Starscream gets that confidence from. Megatron sees a bunch of rocks, points at them and says "These rocks will be our next base of operation." That is a very stupid place for a base. You think he would choose a cave, maybe somewhere in the mountains, but no. He points at some rocks and goes "This is our new base! =D" Megatron doesn't seem to be too bright if that's where he wants his base to be. Clearly rocks are VERY evil.

There goes Starscream again. He tells Rumble instead of directly telling Megatron he's going to overthrow him. I'm not sure how big of an improvement that is if any at all. I guess Starscream wants to tell his evil plans to EVERYONE. What a surprise. Rumble doesn't take Starscream seriously, either.

Cliffjumper and Hound get sent out to scout for Decepticons. They find them, Cliffjumper pulls out a huge arse gun and say that Megatron is right in the middle of the view finder, fires and MISSES! Right in the middle of the view finder MY TAILPIPE! Yeah, it was totally worth firing on the Decepticons. -____-

Then there's this epic chase scene, Hound goes flying of a cliff, and Puller hauls him up from said cliff. I don't think we ever see Puller again.

Reflector turns into a camera in the next scene, but I don't think he does that again either. He does make a couple more appearances, but I haven't seen him turn into a camera again.

It's funny how excited Starscream gets at completing the simplest tasks. The Decepticons get a fraction of the Energon they need and Starscream acts like a kid at Christmas.

So Decepticons attack oil plant, Autobots come to the rescue, Megatron turns into a gun and leaps into Starscream's hands... Wait. Back up a second. Megatron leaps into the hands of the Con that's said that he wants to destroy him twice within the same episode. I thought Megatron was just being ignorant and didn't take Starscream seriously. Now I'm questioning his intelligence level...

I would suggest Starscream was trying to strangle Megatron and ended up pulling the trigger while doing so, but Transformers don't breathe. Maybe Starscream was just trying to crush Megatron...

So epic robot battle YAY! -cough- Megatron ends up blowing up the oil plant (Yay explosions!) And the Autobots end up in the water despite their ability to randomly be able to fly whenever they feel like it. Upon hitting the water, nothing happens. They don't electrocute anything. Water and electricity don't mix. If you put a toaster in a bathtub full of water it'll fry. Put Transformers in the ocean and nothing happens? They don't even sink! Something huge and metal is put in water it's going to sink. They sink later in the series when put in water. I would suggest rusting, but it takes a while for something to rust. I'm not sure how the Autobots are swimming. I'm pretty sure they didn't have water on Cybortron, so I'm not sure how they learn to swim. I guess logic had the day off in this episode.

So at the beginning of episode 2 after the Autobots take Spike and Sparkplug back to base, Spike finds a random cassette tape. With a Decepticon symbol on it. Not suspicious at all right? He takes it and instead of telling anyone about it, he sets it down, walks away and goes about his business, leaving Soundwave to steal a bunch of data about Earth and probably the Autobots. Actually that doesn't sound nearly as threatening as it should...

Then there's an epic giant robot battle underwater between Hound and Rumble that leads to something blowing up, half a cliff or rock blowing to pieces and landing on Hound pinning him down. So what happens? SPIKE of all people decides he's going to save him. Now lets think this through shall we? Transformers don't need to breath. HUMANS DO. I'm sure it would be easier and a lot smarter to tell some other Autobot about Hound's current situation. Not to mention the fact that Spike almost DROWNED himself saving Hound.

Then there's the fact that more than half the Decepticons are some kind of jet or plane. There is no purpose to this what-so-ever considering any of the Transformers can decide they want to fly at any given time in the show. Half the time they decide to transform to jets, which also is pointless when they can fly in their robot forms.

Now I know they aren't transforming to try and blend in considering Thundercracker, was what, Purple and black? I have never seen a purple and black jet in my life. If anyone wants to prove me wrong, I would love to see a picture. Then there's the simple fact that EVERYONE KNOWS THE TRANSFORMERS ARE HERE. Whenever the Decepticons attack some lab or dam or base the human call up the Autobots, screaming about how Decepticons are attacking. Good going guys. Kind of defeats the purpose of 'robots in disguise' if everyone knows about you.

Now I could say that the government was the only ones that knew about the Transformers, considering the Decepticons were always taking some high tech top secret or science related thing. But, no. THAT WOULD MAKE TOO MUCH SENSE. Considering that Megatron started a hostile take over of New York and Washington DC, I'd be surprised if anyone didn't know about the Transformers at that point. Then there was the fact that in one episode the Autobots held a race and used the money gained from the tickets for charity. Obviously they're quite the celebrities.

Now's the time in the paper where we take a break from long arse paragraphs to count how many times Starscream does something stupid, and Megatron does something that's even stupider by jumping into Starscream's hands.
Now this should be either up to episode 3.

Times Megatron's jump into Starscream's hands: 1

Apparently Megatron has his moments of brilliance where he decided to jump into more loyal Decepticon hands. From what I can remember I do believe that he jumped into Soundwave's and Thundercracker hands once.

Times Starscream Has Said He Wants To Take Over: 4

Times Starscream Does Something Stupid: 6
^This counter includes Starscream going on a rant about how he wants to be leader, as well as stupid stuff apart from that.

Around episode 3 Megatron seems to be taking Starscream threat semi-seriously and decides that he's going to mention that Starscream wants to replace him. WOW REALLY MEAGTRON? You would think after he's yelled about it enough in episode 1 that you would have noticed. Megatron tells Starscream that it's mistake number 1. Now, it's not to smart to tell people your evil plans, but when your boss doesn't have the fastest processor on the market, something like that may not seem like a big concern. Megatron verbally pimpslaps Starscream, who fires on him, then realizes his weapons are empty...

Wait a minute. Don't they have an infinite amount of laser ammo? You never see anyone reloading, nor do you see them ever running out of ammo. How the heck did Megatron manage to remove the ammo from Starscream's weapons? Is there some kind of chip that controls the weapons? Starscream got at least one shot off before he noticed he was out of ammo... I'm not even going to try to explain that one.

After Starscream realizes he's basically screwed, he freaks out a bit, whining and pleading with Megatron. Between the speeches about taking over the Decepticons, the whining and all the undermining authority you would think Megatron would destroy Starscream. But he doesn't. It's not all the surprising considering Megatron jumps into the hands of his most disloyal subject whenever he Transformers.

Optimus is getting ready to attack the Decepticons directly, and he asks for volunteers to step forward. Well all the Autobots step forward, EVEN THE HUMANS. Now humans can't really do much against giant robots. It's bad enough that you have to have some freaking bombs drop on the Decepticons just to scratch them. So how are two normal humans with no weapons going to fight? Why do the Autobots even bring them on the missions with them? Spike or Sparkplug could easily get stepped on by either side. All Spike seems to do in the series make weird faces and get in the way. It's not like in the movies where the humans were half as useless. The army couldn't do much, but at least they shot that the Decepticons. They even dropped bombs bombs on them once or twice. Sam kept the All Spark away from Megatron in one scene, and then in the second movie he had the location to the Matrix in his head. Even Mika helped at the end of the first movie when Bumblebee lost his legs.

You know it's kind of ironic that I made this huge long rant about how useless the humans are when my next point is Starscream gets pwned by one. There are two time that Spike is not useless in the series. Starscream is getting ready to fire on some of the Autobots when Spike takes a rock and punts it, knocking the gun out of Starscream's hands. Then a passing Autobot who is in car mode for no apparent reason decides he's going to run it over. After that you think Starscream would have like... I don’t know, stepped on the human? Not that it really matters. I mean Spike is only useful in one other episode. It's a rare moment when the human actually HELPS for once.

Also I would like to point out that in Episode 3 Megatron does something smart and jumps into Thundercracker's hands. Either that or the animators screwed up the color scheme and colored Starscream purple and black. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.

So after Megatron and Prime have a freaking wrestling match (which looked more like roborape to me), Megatron takes off in a rocket. Then Starscream starts up with the 'I WILL BE LEADER' thing. Megatron proclaims victory and Starscream tells him that the victory will be his. Then all the the Decepticons just back the heck off (which is kind of funny in my opinion). Instead of actually fighting, Megatron and Starscream talk for what seems like the next 10 minutes. JUST SHOOT THE CON ALREADY! You could have destroyed Megatron right already if you had shot him instead of talking for 10 minutes like you're going out for coffee with the Con. It's not even an offical bad guy speech. Bad guy speeches consist of evil plans, taking over the world, and hero meeting their demise. Interrupting a bad guy's speech is something that can get you killed. Whatever Megatron and Starscream are doing, is not a bad guy speech. It's more like bad guy small talk.

So then Mirage shows up on the rocket and shoots a computer. Instead of shooting Megatron, which would have been the smart thing to do, Starscream shoots at Mirage. You would think Megatron would do the same considering his intelligence level, but he shoots Starscream. Upon doing so he yells 'Extinction to all traitors!' Which is just an empty threat it seems, considering Starscream is around well past episode 25.

After the ship crashes the Autobots just assume he's dead. Which is a really stupid move. You should at least check to make sure there are no Decepticons alive! Don't just assume you're arch enemy is dead! THE MAIN BAD GUYS NEVER GO DOWN EASY. Considering there are 65 episodes in G1, I really don't think Megatron is dying anytime soon.

The government gives the Autobots the means to go back to Cybortron and Sparkplug and Spike decide they want to go with them. THERE IS NO AIR IN SPACE. Not only is there no air in space I'm pretty sure the atmosphere of Cybrotron is completely different from ours. The Autobots don't BREATHE. They have no need for air. It's a really stupid idea for you to decide to go to an alien planet that you know nothing about. You should have asked some of the Autobots about their home world first, so at least you know what the heck you're doing.