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Guh! The stupd sleep study screwed up my sleep schedule. After I got back this morning. I slept until 2 in the afternoon.
My friend called and we got together to watch movies and have a sleepover. Well, its about 1 in the morning. She's sleeping and I'm using her computer because I can't sleep. I'm only mildy tired.

The other part that is making it hard to sleep is my thoughts. I can't seem to get them to slow down. I shall write them down in an attempt to get my brain to shut off.

My weight has been a problem for most of my life. Yesterday, I looked in the mirror and was surprised to see that I almost have a double chin!! I can't express my depression for this discovery. I can barely go 20 minutes on the treadmil now. I get winded going up the stairs. It has never been this bad!! I thought that I wouldn't ever come to this point. I am in shock. I thought I was ok.

I don't think my medicine is strong enough. My depression medication. If I miss just one dose, I immediately revert back to my angry, depressed self. It's somewhat scary.
I don't want to be like that.

I just have an overall sense of depression. I hate being like this all the time. I don't want to be like this anymore.

Oh and another thing, I hate driving. I don't want to get my drivers liscense. I am torn by a sense of guilt because I know that if I get my liscence it will make it a ton easier on my parents. but I'm not comfortable with driving. I am almost legally blind in my right eye. This makes my depth perception way off. I don't usually play ball sprots. Tennis, baseball and volleyball aare almost impossible for me to play because I don't know when the ball is going to hit me or not. Same thing with driving. I don't know if a car is going to stop in time or not. I get very nervous and scared that I'm going to be in a crash.


Mom called me earlier today. She told me that she wanted me to drive to my councelor's appointment tomorrow morning. I think that is weighing on m mind a bit. I hate driving. Really!!!