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I spent the last four years tried to better myself and preparing for someone I may have never even met. Going to college full time while having two or more jobs at a time to pay for everything and everything else. Working 70-80+ hours a week on breaks, Summer/Winter vacations from school. Managed to pay off my truck and got a House; spend endless hours just waiting or trying to see if I missed something. Wanting to spend time with her. I just want to know shes there. I miss her and I don't even know if I have even met her yet. Just going to sleep every night with no one to hold is an never ending nightmare that doesnt seem to be changing anytime soon. If I could just know that I have met her or know that she is out their I would be okay. I want to give her and whatever family we may create the best life that is out there, but im loosing this battle and dont know what the outcome will be. Hope is always out there but I am loosing site of it more and more everyday. When a slight amount of glimmer shows it just fades into darkness. Tears come to me on a nightly basis wondering if I am doing the right thing, should I care. Why is it that im spending so much time trying to find the right one when others have them thrown at them and they just beat and abuse each other. I want to find her and be with her... I am just not sure how much longer I can stand waiting for her...
If I dont at least see her coming even slightly closer or get the feeling she is out there for me I dont know what I will do; all I know is that I dont think I can take it much longer... God, just let me see shes out there...... PLEASE...