Well this weekend I spent my time walking at the lake, visiting a high place and movies alone. And I felt nothing no loneliness, no sadness, a little happiness and just the pain that my brain was telling me: "your alone and even though everyone one is happy you aren't, no one to lean on, just the pain that you know nothing will not change." I mean that's something when your mind tells you what your heart should be feeling. Someone asked me which I don't like very much, asked me on my day off from work "why do you hang out with your brothers friends don't you have any friends to hangout with? Don't you have a girlfriend?"
Even though my blood started to boil from the simple fact that they asked that, all I could do was simply say yes even though it was a far from the truth as the moon is from Pluto. From all the people I helped, (I'm not going to say I should have lots of friends from how many people I help, because if I did it for that you can't call it help.)I was still here. I spent almost 15 min in my car thinking. wow I knew and was just so use to the pain It felt normal. I just now realized all I ever do is put a smile on my face and bare the pain, mostly because I don't know what else to do but that. I never grew up with that kind of support so I don't really know how to except from anime shows and games stare . I'm sure their are people I could tell but they have there own problems in life and I wish the best for them. And like I said it's just not in me to do that. Any way that's enough talking I'm done........Beside no one ever reads these not anyone.
No one ever reads or comments no one ever talks about them.....I chose pain to be happy dishonor for honer and loneliness for tears
 b.l.Tiger · Mon Oct 12, 2009 @ 12:23am · 1 Comments |
