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[If this is a repost, please ignore the other till I can delete it. 3nodding ]

I have finally decided I'm worth something. I'm not going to be pushed around by myself and others anymore. At least, I'm going to try very hard not to. I've finally decided to do what I want to do to get to where I want to be with my life. I've always wanted to started working out more, take vitamin supplements, and become a published author...and today I finally took some steps to get there. I bought a Pilates DVD [boy, that stuff is harder than it looks!] and I bought a "One-A-Day Woman's Supplement" for the iron the doctor said I need more of. [I have severe bloody noses almost daily...and usually up to 7 of them in one day. Today the main nosebleed was so fast it actually backed itself up and down into my stomach...and I proceeded to vomit blood and bile for 10 minutes...and got caught by a co-worker...who sent me to the nurse...who said I need to take an iron supplement because that, combined with my having such a hard time getting over the flu and getting my energy back, could be signs of an iron deficiency.] I'm hoping the supplement works and helps me get better...and I hope the Pilates helps me get into shape like how I want to be. [Never been pressured to get into better shape, I'm just tired of not being in as good of shape as I used to be, before stress took over and I gained weight and stopped playing sports. And lost my "athletic physique" or whatever you want to call it.]

And I'm also making myself time to sit and write on some of the many novels i've started in the past and just never finished. I hope to someday finish one and get it published as an actual novel...if nothing else, though, I'll settle for just posting it on fictionpress.com. ^^

Geez, I'm so happy right now! [And it feels so weird being actually happy! o.o;;;] Yesterday work went amazingly well and a nurse wrote me a commendation award!! She said I was a total sweetheart and she wanted to hire me as a nurse because I was so good with the patient's, even though I'm just a housekeeper. Then today one of the residents at the geriatics center [Denali Center is the 'old folk's home at the hospital] called me an angel and requested that I please be her housekeeper everyday from here on out. And then proceeded to invite herself to my someday eventual wedding. o.O;; The last part was sort of creepy but the rest of her 15 minute spiel on me was just...incredible. I didn't know that's how people take me as at work and it just...absolutely amazed me to hear someone praising me so well. And to have so many people repeat it and thank me for being such an amazing person and letting them know me. It really made me stop and think that if so many people are thanking me for being a good person and telling me I'm a sweetheart and an angel...then maybe I'm really not that bad of a person at all...and maybe I am worth something. So, I decided to run with that possibility and let myself be happy and believe that I am worth something. At least to someone, somewhere.

I expect to get fully back into the swing of Gaia in the next week or so, two and write a full apology to all the people there that I've neglected with art, tarot readings, graphics, or writing. *nods and dances off happily*